Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Now I don’t go overboard with it. I am not mean about it, I am just truthful about it, For instance, I have a friend and he told me he met this woman that he was obviously attracted to, or else he would not have tried to crack on her. So while they are having a phone conversation she suggested that he gets an apartment in her part of town, since he is from out of town and could afford to do so, he immediately blurts out “Oh no, I don’t do the hood”. He told me he hasn’t heard from her since. Now to me, that is being insensitive. He could have explained in a better way why he didn’t feel comfortable getting an apartment in that part of town instead of being so blunt.
I know how to get my point across most of the time without being insensitive. Sometimes you may have to tweak your response so you don’t come off too harsh, but at the same time the person understands what you are saying. I believe it is a difference between sugar coating and carefully choosing your words. Again, sugar coating is for food not conversations.
I don’t like it when keeping it real turns into arrogance and rudeness. Now in some situations you do have to dig into your rude bag when the person just don’t get the point after you repeatedly stated your case. But those are in extreme situations.
And on another note, stop requesting things from others when you aren’t practicing those same needs for yourself. Another example, the same person who said he doesn’t do the hood also is very adamant about just dating dime pieces, not just the physically the whole package. She must be fione, built, educated and independent, but most importantly she MUST be a trophy on his arm. Now this brotha is not a bad looking guy, but could stand to lose about 30 pounds in his stomach alone and maybe a little dental work as well. So my point is don’t request and expect what you can’t offer yourself, especially when you have the means to do so!!!
Hell, I am just saying…
C Double R.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Resolution is defined as a firm determination. Meaning you are determined to lose 40 pounds, you are determined to find a new job, you are determined to step up your game this year, etc. Note to self, if you have been making the same resolutions every year and not accomplishing them then the likelihood that you are truly determined is non-existing. Basically you are bullshitting yourself into believing the hype. What do you think, the Resolution Fairy will fly down and grant you your wishes? Wake the hell up people!!! If you want to make something happen then you have to make it happen!! Period!!
A resolution is more than just writing things down on a piece of paper then tucking it away in a safe place hoping that things will change on there own. Resolutions consist of not only writing down your goals, but having a plan for your goals; steps on how to achieve these goals are a must. I have been writing down my goals since 2005 and setting up a plan to achieve these goals, and I must say I have achieved every goal I have set out to do since 2006.
I think if you are truly passionate about what you want to achieve you will find a way to make it happen. You have to get out there and make it happen. If you don’t achieve your goal the first time you set out to do it doesn’t mean give up on your goal and stop trying to achieve it. If you believe it and can see it then damn it you can achieve it! Stay focused and make sure you have a solid plan to achieve your goals. They may not happen when you want them to happen, but I guarantee you if you stay focus it will happen.
You just have to believe and stay focused. And people please make reasonable and obtainable goals not some fairytale itsh! Like I want to meet and marry a millionaire, I want to win the Powerball, or I want a Bentley when you make 30k a year. I mean, seriously! STOP!! Be realistic and really think about what you want out of life and go out there and get it. Let’s make 2010 the most productive year of our lives, that’s what I am aiming for.
I’m just saying!!!!
C Double R
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Why is it that a man can sleep around with a bunch of women and be called “The Man”, but when a woman does it she is called a “Hoe”? Why is it when a man is in charge or the boss he is called the “HNIC” but when the woman is in charge she is called “The Bitch”? Why is it that when a man handles his business he is looked at as a good catch, but when a woman is doing her own thang and handling her business she’s looked at as “She thinks she’s the man that’s why she doesn’t have one!” Why? Why? Why?
Now far as the sleeping around thang, I kinda get that. But it’s amazing that men want to sleep with these kind of women, but don’t want to marry these kind of women. But when a woman marries this kind of man they think that they have done the impossible, tamed a beast? So women, take heed! I agree with Steve Harvey, “Act Like a Lady But Think Like a Man!!” But far as the boss lady and the independent woman, what’s up with that? We work just as hard, if not harder than a man to get our titles and our possessions so why can’t we get the same kind of respect?
Why is it that a man doesn’t want to commit to a relationship, but wants you to commit to him? I’m just saying. Why is it that a man doesn’t want to take care of a woman, but feel inferior when she can take care of herself? Why is it that a man wants a woman to take charge in the bedroom, but not in the boardroom? Wellll… Or here’s the killer, a man can have five kids by five different women, but look down on women who have more than one baby father? WTF???
I have my own opinions on this but I need the Fellas to talk to a sista?????????????????????
C Double R
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I must admit this is a craft that I am still mastering. People kill me when they say you should forgive and forget and move on!! Seriously, is it really that easy?? I think you can forgive, but some things you will never forget, period!! You can try your best to not think about it, but you will never forget.
I must admit I have come a long way when it comes to the art of forgiveness, but I haven’t completed my travels just yet. I can forgive if the person is forthcoming with his or her wrongdoing. However, if I get a hunch and ask the person and they lie to me and I find out later that they lied about their transgressions this is when I have a major problem with forgiveness. Listen, if I am asking you to come clean then that means I am prepared to listen to the truth and I can handle the truth. I know alot of people say this and don’t mean it, but I can assure you if I am asking then I can handle it!
So this is where I have a problem with forgiveness, because if you’re only admitting to the truth because you got caught and not because you came clean on your own, I have a major problem with your sincerity. Are you now admitting your transgressions because you really feel guilty or because you got caught in a lie?
Outside of this, I think I am pretty good when it comes to forgiveness. I know that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes. But my motto is, “You can’t change, what you don’t acknowledge.” And when you are forced to acknowledge your mistakes then your sincerity becomes questionable??
I’m just saying…
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I had a very interesting conversation the other day, so of course I had to write about it, so here it goes…
I was having a conversation with a friend in regards when Barack Obama was running for the presidency. I had made mention to the fact that when Barack was on Oprah over 4 years ago and he was thinking about running for the presidency Michelle stated that this had to be a family decision because it will change the dynamics of their family and she had a career to think about too. The other party whom I was speaking to immediately stated that’s bull and the final decision is Barack’s regardless if Michelle agrees or not, however, he then went on to say he would need her full support?? WTF!! Then the other party stated the final decision should be Barack’s, who is the man of the house, period! So I shot back, that’s why they are still married because they discuss important decisions as a family unit, not independently!
So, I ask the question when it comes to important decisions for the household who should make the decision, the man of the house, the woman of the house or should it be a joined decision?
I’m just saying..
C Double R
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I know this is the age of technology and there are hundreds of match making sites, as well as social websites, Myspace, Facebook, Matchmaker.com, EHarmony.com, even Sugardaddie.com. I know that a fair share of new relationships, friendships and marriages were form because of these sites. I must admit not only have I met new friends, but I also have reconnected with old childhood friends and classmates. However, I still prefer to meet my “mate” the old fashion way, in person, not thru a modem.
I believe that internet dating is more accepted today than ten years ago. Ten years ago if someone met their mate online, it was perceived as a desperate move, as if they couldn’t meet anyone in person. Or others viewed people who participated in internet dating as losers or people who pretended to be someone that they weren’t so they could get a date because they couldn’t get one in person.
I believe internet dating could also be used as a meat market. Think about it, you have access to thousands of individuals, so my thought is if you’re hollering at me, who’s to say that you’re not hollering at hundred other women at the same time (especially with instant messaging)? I think it could also be perceived as a place for women and men to run game and basically try to get away with it. So my question is, “How can you tell if someone is sincere?” I have noticed on some social sites men try to crack on you and try their best to act as if they are only trying to holler at you, but then you go to your friend’s page and they have a million flirtatious comments under their picture? WTF???
Again, if this works for you, then by all means go for it. I actually have a friend who met her husband online and they are happily married and now have a beautiful child together. So it works for some, but not for all. Unfortunately, I don’t think I could ever take internet dating serious, because I just think there are too many guys out there trying to run game by hiding behind the computer. I take my chances via the supermarket, a social outing, park, or just in passing.
I just saying….
C Double R!!!
Monday, November 16, 2009
I have asked several of my friends this question and no one really had a valid answer. So I started to ponder the question even further. The best reason I came up with is that people simply live in the moment and do not think about the consequences of their actions. Think about it. Do you really think that someone would gamble away their kid’s college fund if they truly weighed the consequences? I don’t think so. Do you think a man or a woman would really risk their marriage, especially if they are happy, for a one night stand if they truly weighed the consequences? I don’t think so.
Unfortunately, we live in a society where we want what we want when we want it and we don’t see, hear or think about anything else during that moment. When you add in the huge amount of temptations out there, being strong can be a mutha!! Even Dr. Martin Luther King felled to temptation by cheating on his wife. Even Evangelists felled to temptation because of greed. Even Magic Johnson felled to temptation, having unprotected sex which caused him to be infected with the virus HIV. These men knew the risk and the probable outcome of their actions, but this didn’t stop them. How can one explain this?
I also believe timing and circumstances play a major role in wanting the forbidden fruit. You can take the most faithful man there is, but if you catch him at the wrong time (some may think at the right time) he too can get got, it only takes a minute to make the wrong decision and it can happen to the best of us. But my question is what about the repeat offenders, the ones that just don’t give a fuck and repeatedly taste the forbidden fruit. Shit they pick the forbidden fruit so much they can make fruit salad on the regular basis! Do they do it because they are constantly getting away with it, they haven’t been punished for their actions, or they just don’t give a shit?
I think we all have tasted the forbidden fruit in some capacity. So think back to a time when you did taste the forbidden fruit and ask yourself why did you do that and please share with us, because I want to know.
Fruit for thought!!
C Double R!!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
I typically have and always preferred to date older men. My ex husband was almost 10 years my senior. I also felt a sense of security when I dated an older man. However, I did experiment once with a younger guy. I can’t call myself a Cougar because I am not 40 yet ( 2 months and counting) but this guy was 6 years my junior, he was 31 and I was 37 and I found him to be very immature mentally. It could have been his field of work, he was a professional athlete, and he referred to women as “chicks” and we won’t discuss is vernacular, he put the “E” in Ebonics. I guess that just wasn’t my cup of tea or maybe he just wasn’t my cup of tea?
I am not saying I would not be opposed to dating a younger man, but he would definitely have to have his stuff together. Let’s face it, there are a lot of younger guys out there that are on the ball. But the question is how do men feel about getting serious with an older woman? Seems like it is working out fine with Demi and Ashton, they have been together for years now, but let’s face it, they are not your typical “Cougar” relationship.
Men are physical creatures, so if a man does date or get serious with an older woman, it’s going to be a lot of pressure on the woman to stay fit and keep herself looking the same way she did when they first met. Let’s face it, there is a lot of competition out there and dating a younger man only add more pressure on the woman, just keeping it real!
I have a friend who married a woman 8 years his senior and initially the relationship was great. She was a very attractive woman and he was a very attractive man, but he was always more outgoing than she was and as time went on this became a major flaw in their relationship. When the wife became more settled in her ways as she got older and her body started changing, this became a major problem for him because we’re talking about a man who is a very physical creature when it comes to women. They ultimately divorced after 10 years of marriage.
So my question is, “If you truly love someone, should it matter how old they are (as long as they are of legal age)?” Let’s face it, true love is a hard thing to come by and I wouldn’t want to pass up love just because someone is 10 years my junior. There are a million other reasons to pass up love and this isn’t one of them. We are living in a new day and era. Women are definitely taking control of their lives and doing the damn thang, it’s no longer an All Boys Club! So I say let’s go Cougars!!! I ain’t mad at cha!!!!
I’m just saying….
C Double R
Friday, November 6, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I refer to myself as an independent woman. One, because I have no choice, when you’re single you are pretty much or at least should be self sufficient, which equals independent. I mow my own grass, take out my own trash, change my own light bulbs, make minor repairs around the house, get my oil change in the car, not because I want to, but because I have to because I am single. However, I do believe if a man and a woman are in a relationship I still believe that certain duties should be handled by the man and other should be handled by the woman. I believe that a man should take out the trash, mow the lawn, get the oil changed in the car and be the head of the house, even if he does make less money then you. Some women may not agree, but I believe that the man should be the head of the home, not because of his monetary status, but because of his gender status. It is in a man’s make up to protect and provide for his family, a man is nothing without his pride!
Unfortunately, some women can or won’t allow men to be men, especially if he makes less money than she does. Prime example was Tasha in the movie “Why Did I Get married?” She thought her man wasn’t man enough because he worked in her shop and couldn’t find a job that she thought he should have as her man. However, she forgot the reason why she had the shop in the first place, because he gave her the money to start the business when he was a professional ball player. But now that he works in her shop she thought he was less of a man. However, he did remind her the only reason why she has the shop is because of him, after he got tired of listening to her bullshit day in and day out.
So my question is when does feminism becomes anti-man? Ladies, it is ok to be independent and do your own thing and pay your own bills, but if you’re in a relationship, please let the man be a man! And for God sake’s make him feel like a man. Allow him to open your door, take the trash out, cut the grass, don’t always make every little thing a battle of the sexes, because at some point that shit gets old and you may find yourself alone and ass out!
Sometimes emotional support outweighs financial support, especially if you’re independent enough to support yourself!! It’s ok to let a man be a man because sometimes that’s all that he has ...
I’m just saying…
C Double R
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
There is actually a logical reason why men and women do not understand each other when it comes to communication. According to Deborah Tannen, sociolinguist, and author of “Can We Talk” provides a clearer understanding why this is so. Per Tannen:
"For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with."
She goes on to say:
"Women want men to do what we want. We want them to want to do what we want, because that's what we do. If a woman perceives that something she's doing is really hurting a man, she wants to stop doing it. If she perceives that he really wants her to do something, she wants to do it. She thinks that that's love and he should feel the same way about her. But men have a gut-level resistance to doing what they're told, to doing what someone expects them to do. It's the opposite response of what women have." She reminds readers that, of course, there are men who are very helpful toward their women. "But if a man is going to be touchy, it's more likely to go in that direction. Whereas if a woman is insecure, she's more likely to go in the other direction, [and] be super- accommodating."
I have to agree. Women are emotional creatures and we like to express ourselves through words, whereas men are the opposite. Men like to keep talk to a minimum, they usually only like to discuss what is absolutely necessary and nothing more. So the next time your woman is trying to have a conversation with you, amuse her and join in and don’t act bored. Trust me, there are plenty of things we don’t like to do but as Tannen stated if we think it is something that you what us to do then we do it, not for us, but for you!
But a little advice to the women, don’t try to talk to your man during the game. This is the absolute worst time to try to talk to your man. Shit most men could care less about sex during these few hours the game is on. The best time is during pillow talk, right after you just finished serving him, because this is the time when most men are open to converse, especially if you laid it on his ass WELL!!!
I hope this shed a little light on that age old problem between men and women.
But I will ask you do you agree or disagree?
Food for thought!
C Double R
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Soul mate is sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and/or compatibility. Soul mates can have various types of relationships, which do not always include romantic love. They can be close friends, co-workers, a teacher, anyone who influences your life one way or another. They play the emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental, games of third dimension with you. They can affect relationships in a positive or negative way depending on the emotional issues of the people concerned.
Souls often come together to work out issues or play reverse roles than that which they are experiencing elsewhere.
Anyone who is in your biological family, or adopted family, or pseudo-family, is a soul mate to you.
You feel closer to certain souls, because you have attracted them into your life as they are on the same frequency as you or because you want to work out issues with them.
** I am not sure if I personally believe in “Soul Mates”. However, I do believe everyone is brought into our lives for a reason and some are brought into our lives for a “specific” reason, it is up to us to figure out the reason and learn and grow from it** Isn’t that right Double D:)
Food for thought!
C Double R!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sometimes we have to let people learn and grow on their own and from their own mistakes and stop trying to force people to change. The bottom line is; if they don’t change for themselves then it’s just a temporary fix to a lifetime problem. Now, if a man truly wants to change then he will change when he is ready to change, not because someone else wants him to change.
Unfortunately, most people, especially men, don’t change until something detrimental in their life happens that forces them to change. If you have a man who is constantly throwing shade to those who he thinks is not on his level because they don’t roll like he roll, with the fancy car, big house, flashy clothes and the women, when he loses his job or doe and can no longer afford those fancy cars, clothes and women, he will think twice before he throw shade again. This kind of thing can change a man’s perception on life. Or, if you have a man who takes his wife for granted until she finally leaves him, that will make him think twice about what’s important to him and what is a priority to him in life.
I had a good friend once tell me that it’s one thing to hurt yourself, but when you hurt someone that you truly love that shit hurts like a mutha. This made them re-evaluate themselves and it forced them to take a deep dark look into the mirror and literally start making changes with the person in the mirror. They did this because they never wanted to hurt another person like that ever again in life especially when it is because of their own greed.
Bottom line is, you can’t make or force a person to change. A person has to change on their own and at their own pace. So you should either accept or reject that person as is, if you don’t have the patience to wait for them to change on their own. One thing for sure, two things for certain, if he really cares about you he will change own his own to keep you or he will be forced to change after you leave his ass because you had enough of his shit!!
I’m just saying.
C Double R
Friday, September 25, 2009
Her issues always gotta be much bigger than the next person. If you said you ran 3 miles, she’ll say she ran 5 miles. If you said you’re planning a trip to the island, she’s planning a trip to Paris, knowing damn well her ass aint going nowhere outside of the city, let alone the states, but she just gotta do one better than you. In the beginning you didn’t realize that she was this type of woman. You probably thought damn this woman just have bad luck, good luck or whatever, but after awhile you’re like wait a minute, this bitch is crazy! Then you start asking yourself, was she neglected as a child, was she the ugly child no one wanted to play with, or did she always wanted to be an actress, but couldn’t cut it?
Then the crazy part is she forgets her damn lies. When you ask her about her brother with cancer she looks at you like you have twelve heads then she says what brother I don’t have no brother. When you ask her about her trip to Paris, she always comes up with excuses to postpone it. Or when you ask her about her uncle/father she says she never met her father and you’re like WTF!!
So now that you know this woman craves attention you just like fucking with her. So you start telling her crazy shit like, I am going on this special assignment for my job where we have to inspect the moon. Then she comes back with, “Me too, they are offering that same program at my job and I signed up for it” Or you tell her that you starred in commercials when you were a kid and she says, “I was a child actor too”, and you’re thinking to yourself that’s why you’re so fucked up!
Don’t get me wrong she can really be a sweet person, but just a person that craves attention. Most men are willing to tolerate this kind of fictitious behavior especially if she is giving them good sex. Shit she can claim to be Beyonce’s cousin who sings background as long as she is doing her thang in the bedroom, shoot she can be Harriet Tubman reincarnated.
The point is, some people crave attention so bad that they will do and say anything to get it. To me this is a key sign that something is truly missing in this person’s life. Which brings me back to be true to yourself, and if others don’t like it then to hell with them and just do you! If people can’t accept you for who you are then do allow them to accept you at all!
I’m just saying…
C Double R.
Monday, September 21, 2009
I don’t know if this is a learned behavior or an innate behavior. I do know that most people are a product of their environment. Now it depends on how you look at your environment. Are you a person that looks at your environment and knows it’s fucked up and you decide to take another route so you won’t be fucked up too? Or are you the type of person who just roll with the status quo? I believe it’s all about your make up. But it also has to do with how you were raised as a child. For example, if you had people constantly telling you, you aint going to be shit all your life as a child, one or two things are going to happen, you are going to believe it and prove them right, or you are going to show them that you are worthy and prove them wrong? So which is it, a learned behavior or an innate behavior?
I just believe once we truly understand that we all have a purpose in life that’s when we can truly understand our self worth. So don’t let others tell you your worth, go out and discover your worth yourself. After all, the only person that has to live with you 24/7 is you!!
Always remind yourself that you are worthy and if others can’t see your self-worth then they don’t deserve to reap the benefits of your worth. We, as humans, have the tendency to have others define us, instead of defining ourselves. We have the tendency to try to impress others instead of trying to impress ourselves.
It’s funny when I say to people that I want to lose 10 pounds, because the first thing that they say is girl you look good to me or girl you don’t need to lose no weight. But the thing is, I appreciate the compliments, but I don’t want to lose weight for them I want to lose weight for Chanel! I brought those 4 inches stilettos because Chanel likes the way they look. I brought that sexy little dress because Chanel likes the way it fit. And as Katt Williams say, if you got 5 people hating on you today, it’s you’re job to make that 15 by the end of the year!!! Appreciate and know your worth ladies!!!!
Ladies, I’m just saying..
C Double R
Friday, September 11, 2009
You run and tell all your boys about her, how fine she is and how everybody is jealous of you because you have the baddest chick everywhere you go. You keep a thousand pictures of her in your wallet, on your phone, computer, and desk at work, shit you might even wear her around your neck on a chain. Every time someone asks is this your lady you break out into a big ass Kool-Aide smile and say yes. Then you admit to yourself, damn I never thought I could get a woman this beautiful, fine and sexy. You feel like you’re in heaven until you really get to know her and you say to yourself WTF have I gotten myself into!!!
I mean this chick can’t cook, clean, can’t hold an intelligent conversation unless it’s about her or the latest fashion, and sex, you can forget about sex! Every position messes up her hair, or she hates sweat and God forbid you smear her make up with a kiss. She only does missionary position because everything else is too risque and down- right nasty. She jumps up afterwards and takes a shower because she can’t stand being dirty, she doesn’t like to cuddle afterwards she just wants to fix herself up and look pretty again. WTF!! Who wants to deal with this bullshit? Yeah she may be fine, but she sure aint sexy in the bedroom, you might have more fun having sex with a blow up doll!
When it comes to cooking, are you kidding me?? This chick thinks throwing a microwave meal together is gourmet cooking, and you’re lucky if you get that twice a week because the rest of the week she expects you to take her out to a fine restaurant. In the beginning this was cool because you wanted to show her off to the public and make the other men jealous, but now you know the real deal and you’re constantly walking around with a woody because she aint giving you none, you’re like the hell with that shit. After awhile that beauty shit wears off and so does your tolerance for the bull. Every man wants a beautiful woman, but what good is it to have a beautiful woman if she doesn’t have any substance to her? I guess that’s why so many men are shock when they hear that an attractive woman can cook and shoot they feel like they really hit the jackpot if she is intelligent too.
So you ask, how can you detect this kind of woman? Well fellas, if and when you meet her she is staring at herself in anything that shows her reflection then she is I Know I’m Too Beautiful Chick. If she only talks about herself during your conversation then she is I Know I’m Too Beautiful Chick. If you only see her looking at the pictures in fashion magazines and never reading the articles then she is I Know I’m Too Beautiful Chick. If she thinks the Speaker of the House is the speaker to her stereo system at home and not Nancy Pelosi then she is I Know I’m Too Beautiful Chick. If you ask her if she knows how to sear fish and she responds I don’t go fishing I might break a nail then she is I Know I’m Too Beautiful Chick.
Some guys can tolerate this type of chick, especially if he is vain himself because vain people like to be around other vain people, let’s keep it real. They want to be each other’s showpiece. That’s what’s wrong with society everybody wants to focus on the exterior instead of focusing on the interior. One thing I have learned as I have gotten older is that the exterior fades but the interior is forever. So men, remember when you’re out there chasing the baddest chic if she doesn’t have any substance you have a shell of a woman, and what happens to shells? They crack and most of the time there’s nothing inside.
I’m just saying………
C Double R
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
This is the woman who will not date a man if she doesn’t think he can benefit her in some way? He has to be handy like an electrician, plumber, mechanic, carpenter, shit even a barber if she got sons! If he aint useful then he aint worthy. This kind of woman scopes out men that can help her in some shape, form or fashion. She looks at it as barter. You do something for me and I will do something for you. You fix my sink, I’ll give you some food and drink. You fix my brakes I’ll kiss the snake. If you fix my floor I’ll show you the entrance to my bedroom door.
See Fellas, she doesn’t see anything wrong with this. Besides, you’re getting what you want and she is getting what she wants. Therefore, the both of you are getting satisfied. I’m just saying, recognize the game. Don’t think just because she constantly invites you over that she is really into you. Now ask yourself this question, “Every time you go to her house does she ask you to fix or look at something, while fried chicken is cooking on the stove and mac and cheese is baking in the oven? Or if there is nothing cooking does she come to the door in a skimpy outfit or better yet a towel wrapped around her saying she just stepped out the shower then asked you to look at something that is broke? Man this is part of the mental seduction so she can get what she really wants, which is her damn stove fixed!! Dummy!!
And you’re the same man who is going around bragging saying she is feeling you, because every time you go over to her house she got food ready for you or something sexy on. All the while not mentioning what you have to do to get that damn food and her! Some men are so easily distracted when it comes to a sexy woman and good ass food. Men, when will you learn to read between the lines? Now, if you do read between the lines and you’re cool with that, then so be it. But please don’t think just because a woman is doing all of this for you and to you that she is really into you! Remember women are some of the most conniving creatures walking the planet and we definitely know how to get what we want without you ever realizing it.
So you ask, how can you spot this woman? Well if the first question out of her mouth when you meet is, “So, what do you do?” and after you tell her what you do she starts bringing up topics pertaining to your work that seems to benefit her, then this is a sign. This doesn’t just apply to laborers such as mechanics, plumbers, and electricians, this also apply to you white collar brothas too. If you tell her that you are an attorney and she starts talking about her son Pookie is in jail because he got a raw deal and starts asking you for your help, then this is a sign. Or if you work in the office for a utility and she starts asking you can you help her with her bill, then this is a sign.
So Fellas, if you are all for the barter thang, then this may be the woman for you. She will feed you, give you some nookie and maybe the best head you ever had if you can be her Mr. Fix It!!!
I’m just saying….
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
If you’re over 40 and just got your 1st tattoo and it’s on your forearm, neck or wrist, you’re in denial. If you’re over 40 and still wearing 3 pairs of earrings, you’re in denial. If you’re 40-something and go to the clubs with your twenty-something daughter and her girlfriends you are in denial. If you’re 40 or over and still saying you’re trying to start your modeling career, you’re in denial.
This is usually a woman who was once fly, or thought she was fly in her hay day who now refuses to believe that she is not twenty anymore. She tends to date younger guys or date guys a couple years older than her and call them her “Suga Daddy” or “Old head”.
This woman tends to wear clothes that are two times too small. She usually shops in the Junior’s department as oppose to the Women’s department in the department stores. And yes, she watches every award show and reality show that comes on BET, MTV, and VH1.
Instead of keeping up with the Joneses she tries to keep up with the “Sheniquas”. She craves attention from the young bucks and tries to compete with the young girls. Yes, she loves the chicken wings from the corner Chinese store and wine coolers. She loves to keep her nails and hair did and tries to rock the latest fashions.
She still attends all of the rap shows and hangs out on the strip with the young bucks. She also embarrasses herself by trying to talk the latest street slang, not realizing that she sounds like a damn fool! She also tends to lie about her age, even if she doesn’t look her age she always takes the age thing a little too far. She could be 43 and look 30 but tries to pass herself off as 25!
She also wants to be her kids, especially her daughter’s girlfriend, and not their mother. She likes to keep herself in the present of young folks instead of folks her own age. Others see her as trying too hard, but she sees herself as a sexy young twenty-something!
She has very few girlfriends her age, and hardly no “real” friends. Most people see her as a joke. This kind of woman is usually from the hood and has spent most, if not, all of her life in the hood. She is always trying to prove how fly and how hip she is.
So men, you ask how can you detect this kind of woman, besides her appearance? If all she wants to talk about is the latest rap song, Jay Z, hating on Beyonce or know Lil Wayne’s rap songs word for word, she’s an old head in denial. If she rolls with a lot of young bucks, she is an old head in denial. If she eats chicken wings, pizza and burgers 6 days a week, and even prefers McDonald’s over a nice restaurant, she is definitely an old head in denial.
Hey, I’m just say……..
Monday, August 17, 2009
Unfortunately, I am a skeptic when it comes to men that seem a little too good to be true. I was always told if it sounds too good to be true then more than likely it is too good to be true. So my question is when do I allow this man to come into my life and try to make me happy?
I know the men are saying, “That’s what’s wrong with women, especially black women, we don’t recognize a good man when he is standing right in front of us.” My answer to all you men is, yes, most of you represent well, very well for the first 3 months or so, then soon after your representative leaves the building to never to be seen again. So I think I will definitely stick to the 90 day rule with this one. I feel as though, if the brotha is real and if he is all that he claims to be then it should be revealed in his actions. If he is displaying what he is saying then he is definitely a keeper. But if his walk don’t match is talk then he is full of sh*& and I am flushing it down the toilet.
I went to an interesting set on Saturday nite called Mars/Venus. It was a gathering of both men and women and we talked real sh*& when it came to male/female issues. The men asked the women questions that concerned them about women and women asked the men questions that concerned them about men. Then it was the Hot Topic question session, which could be answered by both men and women. At times it became very heated. Majority of the men questions were geared towards sex and most of the women questions had to deal with emotional issues. I left feeling the same way I came, men don’t know shi* about women and women will never understand that men have an insatiable desire for a variety of women. PERIOD!!
See, I am open minded and a realist. If this man happens to turn out to be all that he claims to be then I am willing to tolerant some of the male deficiencies, which is part of a man’s “make up”. However, some things that are intolerable are lack of honesty and loyalty. I have learned that if a man is loyal to you then he won’t lie to you. For loyalty encompasses honesty. Let me break it down so it can forever be broken. A man can be honest, but not loyal. But it is hard for a man to be loyal and not honest. See a man can cheat on you and be honest about it, but that doesn’t make him loyal. You feel me? Now, if a man is loyal then he won’t cheat on you because if he cheats then his ass is not loyal to you. Ladies, feel free to use that quote. But whatever you do always remember the difference between honesty and loyalty.
I need to find out if I am dealing with an honest man or a loyal man. That still remains to be seen. ’It’s been a month, so expect an update in two months to the day, October 17th to be exact!
C Double R
Friday, August 7, 2009
This is the chick that you can go to the movies with, take trips with, go to events with, with no strings attached. You know her family, she knows yours, and everybody knows that you two aren’t a couple, you all are just cool like that. Now in your head you don’t think nothing of it and continue to do your thing when it comes to seeing other women and just doing “you”. All the while this “buddy” of yours, that we will call your “Homie, Lover Friend” is scheming her ass off to reel your ass in and the hopes that she will eventually make you all hers! Yes, fellas, this is the chick that you have been telling your innermost feelings to, who knows you inside out, you put your trust in this woman because you truly see her as just a close buddy and you feel comfortable confiding in her you most deepest thoughts. All the while she is taking mental notes and hanging on to your every word.
I have a male friend who had a friend just like this. He had known this woman for years and she knew basically everything about him, from his personal information (social security#, address, work information) family and friends. This guy started getting prank calls about 4 years ago and it had gotten so bad that he tried to have them traced but the phone company was giving him a hard time about tracing the calls, he needed to get a police report and specific dates and times and then they told him he needed something else, so at that point he didn’t pursue it any longer. Besides, he was going overseas for a year and he decided to deactivate his phone while he was away in the hopes that when he gets back that the prank calls will stop. However, when he came home and reactivated his phone 2 days later the prank calls started again. Not only was this person calling him, but they also started calling women that he frequently spoke to, including me. This person would call my phone through the nite and sometimes 10-15 times in a row. Over a 6 month period this person had called me over 300 times. So I told him he better do something about it or I would. So eventually he went through the process of having the calls traced and low and behold it came back as a woman that he had been close to and dealing with for over 5 years. A woman whom he thought he had an understanding with, someone he thought he was cool with and had told some of his deepest thoughts to. He couldn’t believe it. Of course when he confronted her she tried to deny it, but when he put the proof in her face she finally admitted to him she did it and said she did it because he told her that he would never be with her like that. Aint that some bull shiggity!!
Here is a man, who thought he had an ace boom coon and instead he had a crazy ass psycho on his hands that was not only harassing him, but his female friends too! After he told her he was going to press charges if she continued to call she stole his phone, cell phone bill and the police report, basically all of the evidence, from his house. Then to top it off the crazy ass threaten to wreck his shit, meaning his job, the man’s livelihood! All of this because a man just wants to be cool with you, but not your man! Sorry, but bitch get a grip!! Aint no man is worth you losing your sanity and freedom!
So fellas, be cautious when a woman is a little too willing to be buddy-buddy after you tell her that you are not looking for anything serious. I’m not saying that all women have an ulterior motive when they say that they are cool with this because some women are truly cool with that, and I am one of them. That’s just because I am not in the habit of keeping men that don’t want to be kept. I figure if you’re not interested in me on that level but we vibe on another level, why get rid of a good thing especially if both of you are cool with the status.
My advice to the fellas is let the woman know as soon as you know if this situation is not for you or if your just not looking for a relationship. After you tell her, make mental notes, look for any changes in her attitudes, does she display what she say? Does she gets an attitude or cuts you off when you talk about other women? Is she always trying to monopolize all of your time? Does she use sex as a negotiating device? Because if her demeanor changes and she aint displaying what she is saying than you better stop playing. Nip the shit in the bud and keep it moving because the longer you stay in that situation the higher the probability that you are getting your ass into something that you may not be able to get out!!!
Just food for thought!
C Double R
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Fellas listen to me, for I am the woman that I just described. Most women who fit this classification are just tired. Period. We have experienced the high and the lows, the good and the bad, and we have to fight for everything we have with tooth and nail. When you constantly have to battle for everything it becomes a daunting task just to put yourself out there just to met another brotha who refuses to keep it 100% real.
When I do meet a man the first thing that I am asked is, “Why are you singled?” My truthful answer is probably because I haven’t met anyone that gets me. Period. I guess I am a cross between the Independent Chick, Keeping it Real Chick, and when I am in a relationship I will definitely be the Ride or Die Chick. It’s amazing sometimes when I met guys and I let them know from the gate that I don’t do lies. If you are married, broke, live with your momma and have three kids, or gay, I want to know. See Fellas, most of you have that bad habit which is a fatal flaw, LYING! Believe it or not most women want to know the truth, but very few can handle the truth, it’s a difference. I have been told I am a rare breed because I want to know the truth and I can definitely handle the truth. See, because at this point the man is giving me the option, not forcing me into a situation unbeknownst to me. I can truly appreciate a truthful brotha; in fact, I find that down right sexy. Now just because you are truthful don’t mean we are going to hit it off and run off and get married, but it lets me know that you’re a brotha that can put it out there no holds barred and let the chips fall where they may. The problem is, most men will and have tried to test me and they found themselves cut, with the quickness. Oh yeah, I have met the ones who tried to play the games and found themselves on the outside looking in. I have zero tolerance for the lies and the bullshit. If I keep it real with you, I expect for you to keep it real with me.
So you ask, “How do you know if a woman really wants to know the truth?” Test her. If she says she doesn’t mind that you have 5 kids then let her meet your 5 kids and take a day trip and you will know if she is straight up. If she says she doesn’t mind that you’re unemployed, time will tell if this shit really bothers her. If she says she doesn’t mind that you have the body of Atlas, but your penis hangs like a light switch, you will know, trust, a woman can only fake so many orgasms. And if after all of this, she doesn’t change then she is a woman who really wants to know the truth and can handle the truth. Again, this woman is a rare breed, but they do exist.
I believe your experiences in life, along with age, molds what type of person you will eventually become in life. I am a realist and allergic to bullshit. I am also very in touch with my woman’s intuition, that’s definitely a gift from God. I can get a vibe about a man almost instantaneously; maybe that’s why I’m single. (Smile).. So fellas, I say this to say if you are truly feeling a woman and truly want something to happen with this woman, then keep it real! If she is the one for you then she will be the one for you, regardless what you tell her, as long as you keep it real. I know plenty of men thinking about coulda, woulda and shouldas, because they couldn’t keep it real with their lady.
Men, there are women out there who want to know the truth and can handle the truth, the question is, are you willing to offer the truth?
Food for thought.
C Double R.
Monday, August 3, 2009
C Double R
Father In You lyrics
Can I talk to you, baby
When I was a little girl
I didn't have a father
And that's why I'm leaning on you..
When I was a baby
I didn't get a hug from daddy
That's why I need a hug from you..
Ohh, It's not easy and
I thank you for putting up with me
When you don't have a daddy's love
To say that you...
To say that I'm your little girl
(Are his little girl, Oh why didn't you love me)
And give you the love..(I need love yeah yeah yeah)
you really deserve (And i believe I deserve it And that's why
That's why I need, The father in you
(I need the father in you, baby)
That's why I need, (Please don't hurt me please)
The father in you
That's why I need (Oh that's why)
The father in you (Really need you)
That's why I need (Please be true)
The father in you
Oh, things got bad, to the point
Where mommy couldn't hold us down
And that's when it hurt me so much
To see her, To see her cry
(Oh don't cry, momma don't cry momma)
Each and every night
(We're gonna be alright that's what I used to say)
I said that some day
That I would try to take his place
But it was too hard;
It was so hard trying to be a man and a woman
And that's why I need the father in you
That's why I need, (oh I needed)
The father in you, (I put my trust on you)
That's why I need, (Please don't let me domn)
The father in you.
That's why I need,
The father in you (I need the father in you)
That's why I need (Hold my hand)
The father in you
Because we never had one at home
(No No No) As a little girl...
So I understand, why daddy couldn't be there
Cause it's so obvious nobody taught him, how to be father to me
Oh and I'm not sayin this
to reminisce on the past
I'm just saying this to make you understand, That I needed a father
And this is my problem
This is why I couldn't keep no one
This is why I couldn't stay alone
I was so scared alone
Every woman needs a man
And I don't think she understands
That she really needs a father
The father in you, my brother
She really needed the father
The father in you.
When your wife is speaking fellas
Pay attention,Yeah,don't ignore her
No,no,no I really need the father in you.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
This is the kind of chick that will not pressure the married man that she is dealing with. She respects his space and knows her place and everything is all good to her. Think about it, most men in this situation in the beginning thinks, “ Damn this is cool. I get to see her, take her out, take mini trips (when I can get away), get some nookie, and no strings attached? Damn, I hit the jackpot.” Yeah this is what you think until she flips the script on your ass.
Most fellas think this is a sweet deal until they get all caught up. Yeah I said it, CAUGHT UP! Fellas, do you really think this woman is sitting by the phone waiting for you to call while you’re home with your wife and kids? NOT! Do you really think she is saving all of her loving just for you? Hell no, aint no Whitney Houston popping with this chick. While you’re home with your wife and kids she out enjoying another woman’s husband. Oh yeah, this women is a habitual dater of married men. So while you all are out there living in “It’s sweet like that land” she is giving her attention and loving to the next married man.
This is a woman who is either afraid of commitment or a woman who has a Fuck it attitude about men. This attitude usually is developed after a woman has been repeatedly hurt by men. This is the woman who probably once in her life was the most caring, committed woman in the world when it came to relationships. But after being dogged out time after time by no good men she decided to say fuck it and use them for all that she can. So for all of you married men who is dealing with this kind of chick don’t think you are the only one, because trust, you are not!
Most women who only date married men are usually cool about the arrangement, but I must warn you, so women do it strictly for revenge and will try to fuck your shit up! They will describe the whole interior of your house to your wife, for those of you who are dumb enough to bring another woman to your home. Describe every part of your body, especially your penis! She will recall dates and times that she know you told your wife you were doing something else, like working late, hanging with the guys, or on a business trip. Oh yeah, there are some devious, evil, only married men dating chicks out there who will wreck your shit if you let her!
Now on the flip side, some men get caught up too! The problem is men don’t like the thought of any women that they are dealing with, and especially have feelings for, fucking another man, or even keeping another man’s company. See, this kind of woman is cool like that, she has a “do you” kind of attitude because she has conditioned herself to be this way. Most men can’t handle this and become possessive forgetting the fact that he has a wife and kids at home. When a man is caught up, this kind of shit will drive him crazy and then he starts doing crazy shit to match his crazy thoughts. Like midnight drive-bys, calling 30 times a day, and questioning her every move.
Unfortunately, I have a friend who worked with a husband and wife, and everyone knew that the husband was cheating on the wife. Everyone loved the wife at work and couldn’t stand the husband because they knew what he was doing to her. This man had a baby on his wife and the wife was woman enough to accept the child and in addition to that, he was also seeing another woman with whom he became obsessive over. When this woman tried to break it off with him he went to her home and shot and killed her in her car while she was getting ready to take her daughter to school. So word to the wise, it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt, literally.
So to the ladies and the men who like to get down in this way, watch what you do to others because the shit might come back to bite you on the ass or worst!
C Double R
Sunday, July 26, 2009
This is the type of woman who will support a man, visit him and marry him in prison, stay with him even if he abuses her verbal and/or physically. This is the woman who is just proud to say she has a man. She is also the kind that constantly talks about her man, my man this and my man that, all the while her friends are looking at her like she is a damn fool. Oh she knows deep down inside her man aint shit, but at least she has one. She also likes to brag about her man to her single girlfriends especially the attractive ones, basically to say I have a man and you don’t!
She is the kind that will tolerate almost anything. If she found her man in bed with her sister, mother or brother she would probably stay with him. This is the woman that would stay with her man even if he asked her for a threesome and he starts seeing the other chick on the side. She would make herself a lesbian for this man if he asked her to. She will move her man into her house after two weeks of dating and think nothing of it. She would serve her man shrimp for dinner while her kids eat oodles of noodles. She will wait on him hand and foot even after working a twelve hour shift.
I Need a Man Chick is sort of like the Ride of Die Chick, but on a much lower level. Even the Ride or Die Chick has her limits and most importantly, self respect. This chick doesn’t know what a limit is or self respect!
This is a woman who has very low self-esteem and often thinks she is not worthy of a good man so any man that pays her attention will do. She could be a woman that was teased growing up, obese, called unattractive by others, or even abused as a child. Therefore, her self-esteem was just sucked out of her and she doesn’t have the strength to try to regain it.
This type of woman can come from any socio- economical background. This could be a well–educated woman, a hood woman, or a middle class woman. I have a girlfriend who is very attractive, good job and have plenty of common sense. However, she has been seeing someone in the entertainment industry and she allows and accepts his shit because she is so in “awe” with this guy. Now this guy was in a group that was extremely popular in the late eighties early nineties, but hasn’t done shit since then. But because he is still well known from being in the group I guess she feels like she is dating a celebrity and boy does she pays for it. She has confessed to me that this guy has slept with her cousin, disrespected her in public in front of her friends and family and she still continues to see him. This is a woman that has experience true heartbreak from a man that she was truly in love with and ever since then she has not been right since. She has not been in a “real” meaningful relationship since.
If a single woman constantly talks about past relationships and can’t focus on the present, this could be a sign of I Need a Man Chick. Men, if you meet a woman and she constantly asks you questions about you and doesn’t want to answer any questions about herself, this could be a sign. Also, if she projects a low self-esteem this is a key sign. Most of these women are all about pleasing a man at any cost. She will pay for the dates, give money she doesn’t have, participate in sexual acts that she is not comfortable with, all to make a man happy.
This kind of woman does not know herself worth. She doesn’t realize she is a diamond in the rough. This is a woman who wants to be loved so bad that she will forfeit our own happiness for it. She believes she is worthless without a man. My motto is if you can’t be happy with yourself what makes you think that someone else will be? We have to learn to love ourselves first, and learn to enjoy our own company before we start inviting others into our world.
Most men take advantage of these kind of women because they see them as an easy target. Unfortunately, most men actually prey on these kind of women and use them for everything that they have. In the beginning they will make the woman think that they are really into them. Make them think that they are the most beautiful creature in the world just so they can continue to use her. Because she is such an easy target this is not a hard thing to do.
So men, if you happen to meet a woman like this and if you chose to use her instead of helping her then you are only perpetuating her ill image of herself and basically need your ass whipped!!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
When I was in graduate school I took a class and we had a doctor come in and explain the N.E.C (Neuro Emotional Complex). He basically explained that people tend to gravitate toward situations that they are use to. It doesn’t always mean it is the “best” situation, but it is a situation that they are familiar with and feel comfortable and therefore they think they can handle themselves in that situation.
Women tend to stay with abusive men for one of three reasons. One, they are afraid that if they do leave that he will find her and he will harm her, or worst, kill her. Two, he has beaten her down so much emotionally and physically she doesn’t feel like any other man would want her because she doesn’t find herself worthy. Thirdly, she stays because this is what she is use to, period.
Unfortunately, most of these situations end up badly. In some cases the woman is beaten so badly the injuries are permanent or her family is planning her funeral much earlier than what they expected. Also, sometimes when a woman finally gets out of an abusive relationship she tends to be suspicious of every man she meets and usually shy away from men altogether. The other scenario is if she does find a man that truly loves her and don’t beat her then she doesn’t feel like he truly loves her. If he is not blackening her eye or throwing her down the stairs then she is suspicious of his non-abusive love. This is a sad truth.
Women like this also tend to start and pick fights with the new man to test his love for her. They will jump in his face punch, hit and kick him until they get a response out of him, hopefully an abusive response, because in her twisted confused mind this would validate his love for her. Men who are put in this situation will usually do one of three things. They will eventually respond in an abusive manner, after being provoked so many times. Two, just leave. Or three, try to seek help for the woman. The third choice is the best choice. If the man seeks counseling for him and the woman that he loves then he is putting her on the right path to break the cycle of abuse.
Fellas, when you met a woman like this, and you are really feeling this woman, don’t just walk away try to help her and instead of telling your Homies that this B’s crazy. Recognize that she is hurting and subconsciously crying out for help. We so often in our society turn our backs on the ones that are hurting and instead of helping we tend to ostracize them from others because we think and call them crazy. Abusive women need love too, they may not always show it, or admit it, but they do.
Really didn’t want to get that deep on the blog, but it is what it is. My role is to inform men of all kinds of women, even if it is an ugly truth.
C Double R
Monday, July 20, 2009
Oh yes, I had to go there, because these type of women exist and in abundance. Have you ever heard of the saying, “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer?” Well in this case, sista is keeping her enemy a little too close. Unbeknownst to her she is giving up the tapes to the wrong person. Ladies, you know how it is when you meet that dude and he put it on you so good you can't wait to tell your girlfriend, and don’t omit one thing or one position (lol)?
These types of women are usually very good friends to other females. My assumption is one of two reasons, or maybe both. One, because they always want to have access to your business and your man and two, they feel so damn guilty they have no choice but to be nice to your naïve ass.
I know some men are thinking right now as they are reading, “Shit, what is wrong with that?” They feel like, “I’m getting two for the price of one.” Or thinking, “What my girl don’t know won’t hurt her.” I know some of you men right now are thinking, “So tell me C Double R, how can I spot this one?” Well, here’s an example, have you ever been in a club and you got your eye on one special lady, but her girl is undressing you with her eyes even though she knows you want her girl and every time you try to go in for the number she interrupts you? This could be a sign of a Backstabbing Chick. If you go to your woman’s house and she is waiting on you hand and foot, more than your woman and is always prancing around you with some skimpy shit on, this could be a Backstabbing Chick. Or constantly saying how your woman is so lucky to have you and always giving you compliments and always making up an excuse to touch you, this could be a Backstabbing Chick. Finally, if she is always comparing herself to your woman around you, then this could be a Backstabbing Chick.
But the most obvious sign is when she is constantly coming on to you when your woman is not around. Now, I am not saying all brothers fall for this and not all brothers are dogs, but if a brother keep getting a bone thrown at him he is eventually go to bite it. Fellas, that’s why you nip that shit in the bud from the gate, because if you don’t things can really escalate to the point of no return. Then you have a bunch of people with hurt feelings or no feelings, if you get what I am saying.
I know this chick, very nice, into church, sweet and will help you with anything, if it’s in her power. But this is the same chick that acts all cool with her “buddy’s girlfriend” all the while screwing her buddy every chance she gets. She acts like she likes the girlfriend and come to the buddy’s functions and hang around their friends, but as soon as no one is watching or is around, they are getting busy. But the kicker is, she thinks nobody knows when everybody knows!! See, this is the prime reason why I do not have a lot of girlfriends and never have. Because some women are the most conniving, ruthless, back stabbing creations walking the face of the planet. Yes, I said it, but I didn’t say all. Actually, there are more true girlfriends than fake ones in the world, so let me say that before I get backlash from the ladies.
Fellas, some of yall may think this is a sweet deal, but you better think before you react because if you don’t you may get more than what you bargain for. Let’s just say, if you haven’t seen the TV series “Snapped” on WE Television station, check out an episode and you will get my drift. Everything that looks good to you, aint always go for you, or better yet, just because it’s free does mean it is for me!!!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Fellas have you ever met that perfect woman? She’s independent, fine, have her own car, house, money and don’t mind treating you to dinner or surprising you with a gift or two. She’s just that bad that she have you thinking to yourself, damn I finally found that perfect woman. She got her own shit, great in bed, and she can hold it down on her own. You’re thinking you hit the jackpot, until you get into that first heated argument. Boy, that’s when you think to yourself, “What the fuck did I just get myself into?” It goes a little something like this, “Jigga I don’t need you, I want you, don’t get it twisted. So let’s be clear. I’ve been taking care of myself before you came along and will continue to do so after you are gone! I don’t know who the hell you think you are because I am an independent woman and I don’t need a man for shit. “Sounds familiar? And this is all being said because you asked her did she need help with the groceries!
See men, independent women are very hard to gauge. Sometimes they want a man to take control and at other times they need to be in control because they don’t know how not to be in control in certain situations. Most women are in control because of one of two reasons. One, they were either forced to be in control or two, they have the desire to be in control.
Unfortunately, these are the women who don’t understand that every woman needs a man. It’s not in a woman’s makeup to be a man. Period. Yes, women should be very proud that they can support themselves, take care of their business and don’t have to answer to anyone, but that doesn’t mean that deep down inside that they don’t want and desire a man to protect them. More often than not, independent women inadvertently push men away. Yes, most men love independent women, but they don’t want to be reminded every day that they are with an independent woman and constantly reminded that she don’t need him, but she wants him. That shit get old real quick with most men.
One thing I learned is that a man needs to feel needed because if he doesn’t then he feels emasculated. It’s in a man’s make up to be the provider, the protector and the head of the family and when a woman takes that away from him he feels inadequate. This is the one thing that the independent woman just can’t seem to understand, no matter how many degrees she has hanging on her wall. This is the reason why most independent women ask the same question, “Why is my bed always so cold?” This is the reason! Learn to let a man be a man, even if he doesn’t make as much money as you, or if he’s not as educated as you, or doesn’t have a high power job like you. Let the man be the man, damn it!!
Men, so I know you are asking well how can I tell when a woman thinks like this? Well there are signs. If a woman never let’s you pay for anything and always brag about how much money she makes and wants to compare paychecks. That’s a sign my brother. If a woman is always telling you how much she paid for this or that, and shows you the receipt. That’s a sign. And most importantly if she always want to ride you and never let you ride her while having sex. That’s definitely a sign.
These are all signs letting you know that she don’t need you and she is constantly telling you this when she does these types of things. There could also be another underlying reason why she does these things. Insecurity. When women have to constantly brag about their money, possessions, and or looks this is usually because they are trying to mass some other insecurity. It’s the same as when a little man buys a huge truck, or an older man buys a red corvette or gets a tattoo. We all do things to mass some kind of insecurity that we have about ourselves, whether it is big or small.
We women have to learn to let it go and let the man lead and learn to follow sometimes. Because if we continue to poke our chest out like we are the king of the jungle all the masses will find another location to habitat. I define myself as an independent woman, but I am not an overly aggressive independent woman. Can I handle my business? Yes. Am I educated? Yes, with a Masters from an Ivy League University, but is this brought up in the very first conversation I have with a man I just met? No. Fellas, this is another sign. If you meet a woman and she is telling you or better yet showing you her portfolio on your first date, run.
Now the flip side of this is that most independent women are very selective and very picky when it comes to dating men. For instance, I have several girlfriends who are educated, attractive and independent, who will only date a man of a certain caliber. They don’t look at potential they look at the current situation and if it is not up to their standards then they will not give the man the time of day. So fellas, if we are keeping it real let’s do just that. Don’t approach a well dressed classy sophisticated woman if your shit aint tight. So to save you the embarrassment, know what you working with and when in doubt move on, there are more fish in the sea. I know that sounds harsh but unfortunately there are a lot of shallow people in the world including independent women.
Now, there are different classifications of independent women. Just because a woman is educated doesn’t mean she’s independent or just because a woman is not educated doesn’t mean she’s not independent. Being independent simply means handling your business. You could be living at home with your parents and working two jobs and going to school, that’s flexing your independence. You could be a single parent mother with no assistant from the government, that’s flexing your independence. Then there’s the independent woman that most are familiar with, the well-educated, high power position independent woman. All these women have one thing in common, strength. So when an independent woman meets that perfect man it is hard for her to relinquish her power because she has been programmed for so long to be that way.
Fellas, I am not saying that all independent woman her bossy, or hard to deal with, I am saying just understand the type of woman that you are dealing with because it does take a special breed of a man to deal with an independent woman. When a woman is forced to be in the position of power she gets use to holding that position and it is hard to let go and let someone else hold that position for her.
It goes back to the fact that every woman doesn’t understand that she needs a man. One of my favorite songs is by Mary J. Blige, it is called “Father Figure”. In the song she speaks about how it was hard for her to be in a relationship and to keep a man because she never knew her father and she didn’t know how to relate. It also talks about how every woman needs a man and how some women don’t understand that fact. We all want a man to be our protector, our leader and some women think if they admit to that then they are giving up their power and independence. But in fact, what they are really doing is keeping it real and being a woman, the way God created a woman to be.
One thing I do think independent women understand is that it doesn’t take a man to complete them. A man should be an addition to not a completion of a woman. I will speak a little more depth on this topic in later chapters. Now if the independent woman can just learn to share the independence then I believe she could be in a much better situation when it comes to relationships with men.
Men I am not saying if you don’t make six figures, live in a nice house, and drive a nice car that you don’t have a chance with an independent woman. Again, independent women have different classifications and all independent women aren’t superficial or bitches. There are independent women who will support a man who is trying to pull himself up to be a better man. However, you also have independent women who like to tear a brotha down when he is trying to pull himself up to her level, financially. This is where that insecurity piece comes into play. Fellas listen, if you are a hard working man, supports his lady emotional and spiritually and she doesn’t appreciate it because you can’t support her financially, then she’s not the one for you. Period.
Learn to read the signs that women put out every day. Also, stop getting caught up on the physical and learn to be more in tune with the emotional. Once you can learn to do that, that’s when you can become a master at whether or not a specific woman is the woman for you.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Now this is a chick that every man wants by his side. I also called this chick The Mary Jo Buttafucco chick. This woman caught a bullet to the head, which is still lodged in her head today, by her husband’s teenage lover and she still went to bat for his cheating ass. She actually stayed with him for years after the incident until she finally got tired of his philandering ways and decided to divorce him. But this woman took a bullet, literally, because of this dude and stood by his side everyday in the courtroom to show her support for her cheating husband. Now, that’s a true Ride or Die Chick.
This is the kind of woman that will not get shook when she finds out that her man is cheating, or when her man loses is job or go to jail, because regardless what everybody else sees she only sees the man that she loves.
I knew a young lady whose man was in the game hard. He had a reputation throughout the city. Now this dude was every bit of 300 pounds, but he was a sharp dresser, and really fly and when women saw him they saw dollars signs, so he had his choice of women. One day we were having a conversation about our men. I must admit, back then I didn’t understand the definition of a Ride or Die Chick, but I understand it now. I said my man had a curfew, if he didn‘t make it home before the sun the bedroom door was locked and he couldn’t slept in the bedroom. So she turned to me and said, “My man doesn’t come home for days sometime, but I don’t get upset. My man takes really good care of me and my kids, and I understand the game.” At this time, I am a buck in my twenties and I couldn’t believe my ears. I was thinking to myself damn you’re a dumb ass. But now I understand the true definition of a Ride or Die Chick.
Other women may look at this woman as a stupid woman. Stupid for staying with a man that cheats on you, disrespect you, and verbally and or physically beats you. This is a type of woman that has a bond so strong with her man that it’s hard for some people to understand or comprehend their relationship. She takes a lot of criticism from friends and family members for staying with a man that they don’t think is worthy of her.
The Ride or Die Chick is truly a ‘we’ person not a ‘me’ person. “We” as in, if it affects you then if affects me and therefore it affects “we”. When it comes to her and her man she will do almost anything to make sure her shit stays together. She will make many concessions for her man, without a fuss. She knows are place and plays her position well. She lets her man be a man and do not try to out shine him. She is his biggest fan and support system. She has a ‘It’s gonna be what it’s gonna be’ attitude when it comes to her man.
She usually don’t let others sway her, she is truly her own woman, even though others may not always see her as her own woman. She thinks very highly of her man, which can sometimes cause friction between her and her friends and family. This is why she tends not to speak ill of her man in fear of having to defend her actions. This usually happens after constant complaining about her man to others and receiving feedback saying she should leave him, and don’t. So to avoid the drama she doesn’t complain as much and keep her relationship between her and her man.
Unfortunately, initially there aren’t really no tell-tell signs in regards to a Ride or Die Chick, only time will tell if a woman is truly a Ride or Die Chick. If you’re with a chick and you are down on your luck and she takes the baton and starts running, then she’s a Ride or Die Chick. If she catches you cheating, and still stays with you, then that’s a Ride or Die Chick. If she goes to bat for you and defend you in front of others, that’s a Ride or Die Chick.
One caution about a Ride or Die Chick is that she may not let go when you’re ready to call it a wrap. She will fight to the bitter end, this is where things can get sticky. If this woman is not ready to call it quits she will not give up without a fight. You can cheat and lie and she won’t leave you and if you try to leave her she won’t let you leave, well, at least, not without a fight, which could cause embarrassment for you and possibly for her as well. See, her thinking is, how can you leave me after all the shit you put me through.
But for the most part, most men love a Ride or Die Chick, because basically they have the best of both worlds. If they take care of home and keep their woman happy almost nothing can break up their union, or so they think. This is where alot of men tend to take advantage because he knows no matter what he does she won’t leave. But word to the wise, everybody have a breaking point, even a Ride or Die Chick. So men, if you think it is sweet like that, think again.
Women are truly emotional creatures, so if she feels a deep emotional connection to you that’s a bond that supersedes almost anything else. But once a woman loses interest in a man she tends to back off. If the man is providing for her, whether it’s financially or sexually then she may stick around for that purpose alone. If this becomes the case, some women may step out on you, but continue to keep you satisfied, this is called flipping the script. So you may think you have the best of both worlds and so can she. However, if this is truly a Ride or Die Chick, no matter what she do or what you do, she will ride it out to the bitter end.