Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Love Behind Bars- Real or Convenient Love?

I had a reader ask me to write about this topic. She wanted to know if she should let her boyfriend move in with her once he gets out of prison? She made it clear that he doesn’t beat her and he is really a good guy, but had to go back to jail for failure to appear in court for a previous case? Huh?

My advice was no, actually hell no. I have to keep it real and I can’t sugar coat this important topic even if I wanted to. Look, here’s the deal. One, he had to do something to get a case slapped on him in the first place. Two, him not showing up to court for this case shows his lack of responsibility for himself and the lack of respect for the law.

When men are in prison the only power they have is with a pen and a pad and boy do they write the perfect story with these supplies. He will tell you all of the things he thinks you want and need to hear so you can continue to come visit him, put money on his books and hopefully give him a place to live once he is out. Men in prison play this game very well and unfortunately a lot of women believe the hype!

My advice to my reader was make him prove to you that he can be a responsible adult by getting and keeping a job and by getting his life back on track. But I also advised her to continue to do her in the interim, don’t stop living your life while he is trying to get his together! Don’t allow him to shack up because if you do he won’t have any motivation to get his life back on track. Know your worth and make sure that any man you’re with knows and appreciate your worth!!

I‘m just saying..

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C Double R!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The One That Makes You Go Damn!

Ladies and men have you ever met that one that makes you go damn! You love the way this person smells, walks, smile, and not to mention how they throw it down in the bedroom. This is the woman or man that you just can’t say no to no matter what he or she does. Then you make a promise to yourself that you are through and you are cutting this person out of your life for good, but as soon as you see that person you get that fluttering feeling in your chest and you envision yourself in the bedroom with this person making mad love? Why do we do that, why do some people set themselves up just be on a rollercoaster of lust?

Pure physical attraction. Some people just have pure animalistic attraction towards one another. Yes, they know in some cases it may never go farther than the bedroom, and they both are cool with it. I think we all have met that one person, one time or another, that just does it for you. You don’t necessarily want to marry this person, or be with this person in a serious relationship, but you want to keep this person in your life.

I must say this is a rare occurrence. Of course when you first meet someone in the beginning it may be fireworks then after awhile it wears off. But when you meet that special person, no matter when you two get together or how long you two have been apart its constant fireworks, that’s a person that makes you go damn!

Not too many people can handle this kind of situation. This is a special kind of situation because both people have to be on the same accord and must know their position because no one wants unexpected drama. But if both parties are cool with the situation then more power to them. Because I will say it is very rare to find someone that can make you go damn, all the time!!

I’m just saying.

C Double R!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Concessions vs. Settling for a Man

Ladies, I know if we could create our own man we would make him with all of the characteristics on our “wish list”. Chili from TLC had a show on VH1 entitled “What Chilli Wants”. Unfortunately, what she wants doesn't exist, well at least not in one man. She is looking for a man who is super fine, washboard stomach, rich, don’t smoke or drink, God fearing, tall, no more than two baby mommas and most importantly he must be BIG in the right area!! WHAT??????? CP! (Translation Child Please!) Chilli, you couldn’t create a man like that, even if you had the tools to do so!

See, this is where I have a problem with women. Some women live in a fantasy world and that is the main reason why so many women are singled until one day they wake up and realizes that they wasted so many years looking for a man that doesn’t exist they panic and pick up the first thing that’s breathing, just so they can say they have a man!! Are you serious? So let’s see, you went from unbelievable expectations to the bottom of the barrel expectations just so you can say you have a man or just so you don’t have to be alone.

Ladies, ladies, ladies, please understand the difference between making concessions for a man and settling for a man. Let me explain the difference. A concession is when you date or enter into a relationship with a man who doesn’t have some of the characteristics that you normally like in a man. For instance, you may prefer dark skinned men, but you happen to meet a light skinned brotha that have all of the important qualities that you look for in a man so you make a concession for this man. Another example is you may have a rule you only like to date tall men, but you happen to meet an average height man, who again, has all of the other important qualities that you look for in a man, so you make a concession for this man.

Now let’s talk about settling for a man, shall we. Most women settle for a man when they get desperate. Desperate to be in a relationship, just to be in a relationship! It doesn’t matter if dude doesn’t have a job, 8 kids with 6 different baby mommas, beat your ass, a drunk or a habitual cheater. As long as you can say you have a man, it’s all good!

The one thing women can do to avoid getting to this stage is to learn to understand their self- worth. Period! Once you understand and can appreciate your worth then you won’t become desperate because you know what your worthy of. It will become an innate behavior which won’t allow you to settle for the crap when it comes to men or anything in life. Once a woman masters this task she will clearly know the difference between making a concession and settling for a man.

So getting back to my girl Chilli, until she can understand the difference between settling and making a concession when it comes to men she will forever find herself alone! Because believe me we all make concessions when it comes to our relationships. Trust me, whatever man she decides to be with will be making a concession too when it comes to her, because there are no perfect people in this world and that includes you too Ms. Chilli!

I’m just saying.

C Double R!

If you would like to ask C Double R! any questions, leave comments or topic suggestions please contact her at cdoubler2@gmail.com