Sunday, August 22, 2010

Why is My Bed Always So Cold?? The Independent Chick!!

Fellas have you ever met that perfect woman? She’s independent, fine, have her own car, house, money and don’t mind treating you to dinner or surprising you with a gift or two. She’s just that bad that she have you thinking to yourself, damn I finally found that perfect woman. She got her own shit, great in bed, and she can hold it down on her own. You’re thinking you hit the jackpot, until you get into that first heated argument. Boy, that’s when you think to yourself, “What the fuck did I just get myself into?” It goes a little something like this, “Jigga I don’t need you, I want you, don’t get it twisted. So let’s be clear. I’ve been taking care of myself before you came along and will continue to do so after you are gone! I don’t know who the hell you think you are because I am an independent woman and I don’t need a man for shit. “Sounds familiar? And this is all being said because you asked her did she need help with the groceries!

See men, independent women are very hard to gauge. Sometimes they want a man to take control and at other times they need to be in control because they don’t know how not to be in control in certain situations. Most women are in control because of one of two reasons. One, they were either forced to be in control or two, they have the desire to be in control.

Unfortunately, these are the women who don’t understand that every woman needs a man. It’s not in a woman’s makeup to be a man. Period. Yes, women should be very proud that they can support themselves, take care of their business and don’t have to answer to anyone, but that doesn’t mean that deep down inside that they don’t want and desire a man to protect them. More often than not, independent women inadvertently push men away. Yes, most men love independent women, but they don’t want to be reminded every day that they are with an independent woman and constantly reminded that she don’t need him, but she wants him. That shit get old real quick with most men.

One thing I learned is that a man needs to feel needed because if he doesn’t then he feels emasculated. It’s in a man’s make up to be the provider, the protector and the head of the family and when a woman takes that away from him he feels inadequate. This is the one thing that the independent woman just can’t seem to understand, no matter how many degrees she has hanging on her wall. This is the reason why most independent women ask the same question, “Why is my bed always so cold?” This is the reason! Learn to let a man be a man, even if he doesn’t make as much money as you, or if he’s not as educated as you, or doesn’t have a high power job like you. Let the man be the man, damn it!!

Men, so I know you are asking well how can I tell when a woman thinks like this? Well there are signs. If a woman never let’s you pay for anything and always brag about how much money she makes and wants to compare paychecks. That’s a sign my brother. If a woman is always telling you how much she paid for this or that, and shows you the receipt. That’s a sign. And most importantly if she always want to ride you and never let you ride her while having sex. That’s definitely a sign.

These are all signs letting you know that she don’t need you and she is constantly telling you this when she does these types of things. There could also be another underlying reason why she does these things. Insecurity. When women have to constantly brag about their money, possessions, and or looks this is usually because they are trying to mass some other insecurity. It’s the same as when a little man buys a huge truck, or an older man buys a red corvette or gets a tattoo. We all do things to mass some kind of insecurity that we have about ourselves, whether it is big or small.

We women have to learn to let it go and let the man lead and learn to follow sometimes. Because if we continue to poke our chest out like we are the king of the jungle all the masses will find another location to habitat. I define myself as an independent woman, but I am not an overly aggressive independent woman. Can I handle my business? Yes. Am I educated? Yes, with a Masters from an Ivy League University, but is this brought up in the very first conversation I have with a man I just met? No. Fellas, this is another sign. If you meet a woman and she is telling you or better yet showing you her portfolio on your first date, run.

Now the flip side of this is that most independent women are very selective and very picky when it comes to dating men. For instance, I have several girlfriends who are educated, attractive and independent, who will only date a man of a certain caliber. They don’t look at potential they look at the current situation and if it is not up to their standards then they will not give the man the time of day. So fellas, if we are keeping it real let’s do just that. Don’t approach a well dressed classy sophisticated woman if your shit aint tight. So to save you the embarrassment, know what you working with and when in doubt move on, there are more fish in the sea. I know that sounds harsh but unfortunately there are a lot of shallow people in the world including independent women.

Now, there are different classifications of independent women. Just because a woman is educated doesn’t mean she’s independent or just because a woman is not educated doesn’t mean she’s not independent. Being independent simply means handling your business. You could be living at home with your parents and working two jobs and going to school, that’s flexing your independence. You could be a single parent mother with no assistant from the government, that’s flexing your independence. Then there’s the independent woman that most are familiar with, the well-educated, high power position independent woman. All these women have one thing in common, strength. So when an independent woman meets that perfect man it is hard for her to relinquish her power because she has been programmed for so long to be that way.
Fellas, I am not saying that all independent woman her bossy, or hard to deal with, I am saying just understand the type of woman that you are dealing with because it does take a special breed of a man to deal with an independent woman. When a woman is forced to be in the position of power she gets use to holding that position and it is hard to let go and let someone else hold that position for her.

It goes back to the fact that every woman doesn’t understand that she needs a man. One of my favorite songs is by Mary J. Blige, it is called “Father Figure”. In the song she speaks about how it was hard for her to be in a relationship and to keep a man because she never knew her father and she didn’t know how to relate. It also talks about how every woman needs a man and how some women don’t understand that fact. We all want a man to be our protector, our leader and some women think if they admit to that then they are giving up their power and independence. But in fact, what they are really doing is keeping it real and being a woman, the way God created a woman to be.

One thing I do think independent women understand is that it doesn’t take a man to complete them. A man should be an addition to not a completion of a woman. I will speak a little more depth on this topic in later chapters. Now if the independent woman can just learn to share the independence then I believe she could be in a much better situation when it comes to relationships with men.

Men I am not saying if you don’t make six figures, live in a nice house, and drive a nice car that you don’t have a chance with an independent woman. Again, independent women have different classifications and all independent women aren’t superficial or bitches. There are independent women who will support a man who is trying to pull himself up to be a better man. However, you also have independent women who like to tear a brotha down when he is trying to pull himself up to her level, financially. This is where that insecurity piece comes into play. Fellas listen, if you are a hard working man, supports his lady emotional and spiritually and she doesn’t appreciate it because you can’t support her financially, then she’s not the one for you. Period.

Learn to read the signs that women put out every day. Also, stop getting caught up on the physical and learn to be more in tune with the emotional. Once you can learn to do that, that’s when you can become a master at whether or not a specific woman is the woman for you.

I'm just saying..

C Double R!!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Forbidden Fruit- Why Do We Always Want What We Know is Bad for Us?

Why do we go for that extra slice of cake knowing darn well we’ll complain about it later when we step on the scale? Or why do we gamble with our rent money, kid’s college fund or life savings? Why do we risk our marriage just for one night of good sex? Why do we have unprotected sex with people we barely know, knowing the risk that we are taking? Why do we always want what we know is not good for us? Is it for the thrill of it all? Or is it to see if we can really get away with it? Or is it as simple as living in the moment?

I have asked several of my friends this question and no one really had a valid answer. So I started to ponder the question even further. The best reason I came up with is that people simply live in the moment and do not think about the consequences of their actions. Think about it. Do you really think that someone would gamble away their kid’s college fund if they truly weighed the consequences? I don’t think so. Do you think a man or a woman would really risk their marriage, especially if they are happy, for a one night stand if they truly weighed the consequences? I don’t think so.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where we want what we want when we want it and we don’t see, hear or think about anything else during that moment. When you add in the huge amount of temptations out there, being strong can be a huge challenge!! Even Dr. Martin Luther King succumbed to temptation by cheating on his wife. Even Evangelists succumb to temptation because of greed. Even Magic Johnson succumbed to temptation, by having unprotected sex which caused him to be infected with the virus HIV. These men knew the risk and the probable outcome of their actions, but this didn’t stop them. How can one explain this?

I also believe timing and circumstances play a major role in wanting the forbidden fruit. You can take the most faithful man there is, but if you catch him at the wrong time (some may think at the right time) he too can get got, it only takes a minute to make the wrong decision and it can happen to the best of us. But my question is what about the repeat offenders, the ones that just don’t give a hell and repeatedly taste the forbidden fruit. They pick the forbidden fruit so much they can make fruit salad on the regular basis! Do they do it because they are constantly getting away with it and haven’t been punished for their actions, or they just don’t give a hell?

I think we all have tasted the forbidden fruit in some capacity. So think back to a time when you did taste the forbidden fruit and ask yourself why did you do that and please share with us, because I want to know.

Fruit for thought!!

C Double R!!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Why Do Married Men Cheat?

First, let me say I can speak about it because I have lived through it. Over the years I have learned that a man can love you, kill and/or die for you, but is it doesn’t mean that he won’t cheat on you! Now that’s some real talk for your ass! Unfortunately ladies it’s in most men “make up” to cheat. The best way I can explain it is that most men have an insatiable desire for a variety of women. That’s it in a nutshell.

I had a friend who wanted me to blog about this topic. The first thing I said to the person is just because your husband cheat doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you and for the most part his ass will not leave you not unless you kick his butt out! As you all know I have several close male friends and I have this discussion with them constantly and the one common response is that they would never leave their wives for another woman no matter how good the sex is, period.

It has been explained to me that most married men cheat because they need a little variety when it comes to sex to keep the excitement in their marriage (Hey I don’t condone this in any way, but I have to give it to you raw!). I was told even if you have the main dish which could be filet mignon, lobster, or whatever your favorite main dish is, but you need the side dishes like potato or asparagus to go along with it to make the meal more flavorful. Another analogy that was used to explain why men cheat is ice cream, yes damn it I said ice cream! I was told take for instance your favorite ice cream is “vanilla”, but then you are introduce to a new flavor “Rocky Road” something that looks good and something you never had before and your curiosity gets the best of you and you try it and you like it. So here on out even though “vanilla” is still your favorite every now and again you have a taste for Rocky Road. But when asked what is your favorite ice cream you still respond “vanilla”.

The bottom line is that men are just wired differently than women. The saying men are from Mars and women are from Venus is so true! But let me warn you men, just because your woman or some women like myself, understand this and just because we expect it, doesn’t mean that we are going to accept it!

So let’s be clear, don’t think you can use “it’s in your make up” as an excuse for cheating. Let me give you a little advice, don’t let the taste of the Rocky Road ice cream substitute the vanilla ice cream because vanilla ice cream has been around since the existence of ice cream. Other flavors may come and go, but vanilla is a constant when it comes to ice cream.

I’m just saying..

C Double R!

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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Open Relationships- Do They Really Work?

I am not sure if this is a new fad or the new way of relationships. But this has become a very popular form of dating. Could it be because of the shortage of good men or the lack of self esteem with women? Or is it the attitude of “I rather have a piece of a man than no man at all”? Have women lowered their standards so low that they are willing to share their man with other women openly?

I had the pleasure of interviewing one local Philadelphia man who has three “wives” and they call each other “sister/wives”. Let me clarify by saying, no they are not legally married but they all share the same home and enjoy their relationship with each other.

This is not the traditional “open relationship” situation, but it is definitely not the “traditional” relationship either. Usually in an open relationship the couple is “aware” that their mate dates other people but usually they don’t “join in” with dating the other person also.

I found this relationship to be truly unique because all parties genuinely love each other and are happy with one another. They all take trips together, have designated days that they share with their “husband” and they also have days when they all share each other. This is truly real life “Big Love”.

One may ask or say to themselves these must be hard up women or women with very low self-esteem. Not true at all. All three women are well educated, very attractive with very high self-esteem. They choose to be in this relationship because they want to, not because they have to.

After doing some research I discovered there are several clubs in the Philadelphia area that caters to swingers and open relationship couples. One of the local hot spots is Rollplay located in Atlantic City. Rollplay is an oasis for like-minded couples and single women to explore their desires together, from the sensual and sublime to the intense and erotic.

I must say I am a very liberal woman, but I don’t think I could ever be liberal enough to knowingly share my man with other women and also partake in the relationship activities with my man and these other women. Maybe I am just old fashion and still believe that a relationship should only consist of two people, not three and four. Or am I behind in the times? Is this the future for dating in our society?

I am quite sure a lot of men could go for this kind of dating and gives it two thumbs up, but I only see a lot of heart ache and disappointment in this kind of dating. Women are very emotional creatures and it takes a very special woman to partake in this style of dating and I aint one of them.

I’m just saying..

C Double R!