Sunday, July 18, 2010

The First Date Jitters- Do’s and Don’ts

It really doesn’t matter if you are 21, 31, 51 we all have first date jitters. We all run through the gamete of emotions; excitement; nervousness, and ambiguity when it comes to the first date. Why, because no one really knows what to expect from a first date. It’s as if we become obsessed with the unknown, will we have anything in common, will we click, will he bore me, and how can I cut the date short if I don’t like him? These are all of the questions that run through our heads right before that first date.

Well here are a few things that you should and shouldn’t do on a first date. First, relax. Keep in mind that this is “only” a date, not a job interview. You do not have to bring your resume or three references with you on the date. Besides, something had to attract you to this person in the first place or you wouldn’t have accepted the invitation for a date, not unless it is a bind date, and even so, the same rules apply.

Try to have fun even if there isn’t a love connection. This is still a leisure activity that you planned, so make the best of it. The person may not be your soul mate but he or she could turn out to be a very good friend. Give it a chance. Don’t cut the person off right away if there isn’t an instant attraction to this person. Some of the best and longest marriages have derived from great friendships.

Go on the date with an open-mind. Do not go on the date with a negative attitude. Don’t look for reasons or make up reasons not to like this person without getting to know the person . Some of us can self-sabotage our own happiness because we are too afraid of being happy or worst, the unknown.

Try to plan an activity that you enjoy; biking, bowling, or dancing just in case the person is not what you expected, at least you can still enjoy the activity of the date. Remember in some cases dating is like shopping, sometimes you have to keep looking until you find what you like and sometimes you won’t find it in the first store that you go into, but you still want your shopping experience to be a good one.

Now here are some of the “don’ts” on the first date. Never ever bring up previous relationships, especially ones that ended badly or ones that you are still not over yet. This will send up a red flag to the other person and this is a sure way to get the other person running in the opposite direction fast! Try to stick to basic subjects and try your best not to bring up heated debatable subjects such as religion, ex spouses, previous relationships, or politics.

Don’t interrogate the person on the first date. Don’t throw a barrage of questions at the person all at once. Don’t ask about financial status, credit report, or if the person have a criminal record. Are these all important topics? Yes, but are they necessary questions to ask on the first date? No. Again, remember this is a first date not a police interrogation room and you are not a detective. You are here to get to know the person in general. These are questions to ask once there is a mutual interest and you both have decided that this is something that you want to pursue.

Don’t offer your family plans on the first date, this may scare the other person away. He or she may think that you are ready to get married tomorrow. Try to keep the conversation light, such as what kind of activities you like, movies, foods and things that make you smile. Try not to monopolize the conversation either. Ask the other person questions about them, don’t hog the spotlight.

If you follow these basic rules I guarantee you that you will have a decent date at the least. Remember you are on the date to get to know the person, but in very general terms, no need to over think it. Just go into it with an open mind and don’t put expectations on the other person or yourself. But most of all try to have fun!

I’m just saying!

C Double R!

Monday, July 12, 2010

No You Can’t Date My Momma: When Grown Kids Live at Home and Interfere with Your Dating!

This is something I hope I never have to experience because I have heard nightmares in regards to this issue. Ladies have you ever had to end a relationship because of your kids? No, I am not talking about minor age children, but because of your grown ass adult still living at home kids? Can we say “Baby Boy” situation?

I think this situation is harder for sons than it is for daughters, especially when they have been called “The Man of the House” for so long. They tend to feel like the new boyfriend is trying to take over the role as “The Man of the House” and most sons don’t take too kindly to this, so they will try to throw a monkey wrench in your program.

Now don’t get me wrong, not all sons do this for selfish reasons, sometimes they do it for very good reasons. Most men can recognize game when they see it and the vision is ten times stronger when it comes to their Mommas, believe that! Don’t any child (son or daughter) want their momma to be played by no man, especially if they can see it coming from a mile away.

But the question is does the child have a right to steal your happiness or perceived happiness away from you? Yes, he/she may have good intentions (in some cases) but ultimately shouldn’t it be your decision who and who not to date? Just like we tell our kids, sometimes you have to live the mistake in order to learn from the mistake.

However, if your child knows that you are dealing with a straight up loser or a playa then in that case I think the child not only have the right, but an obligation to let you know. However, letting your mother know and telling your mom who she can and cannot date is something completely different. Because just like in any other scenario, you can only lead the horse to the water, you can’t force them to drink it, not unless they are thirsty.

So the bottom line is this, should you stop dating someone just because your grown ass kid that still lives at home tells you not to? Well, it all depends, if the child is doing it for the right reason and can prove what they are saying is true, it is still your choice to make, but when it doesn’t work out you can’t say you weren’t forewarned. Now if you know your child is interfering just because they don’t want you to date and just don’t like the dude you are dating then I say hell to the no! If your grown ass still living at home child doesn’t like the man you are dating, but you do, then they can do one of two things; shut the hell up, be respectful and deal with it because their grown ass shouldn’t be there anyway or they could pack their stuff up and move out!

I’m just saying…

C Double R!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Double Standards!!!!!

Why is it that a man can sleep around with a bunch of women and be called “The Man”, but when a woman does it she is called a “Ho”? Why is it when a man is in charge or the boss he is called the “HNIC” but when the woman is in charge she is called “The Bitch”? Why is it that when a man handles his business he is looked at as a good catch, but when a woman is doing her own thang and handling her business she’s looked at as “She thinks she’s the man that’s why she doesn’t have one!” Why? Why? Why?

Now far as the sleeping around thang, I get that. But it’s amazing that men want to sleep with these kind of women, but don’t want to marry these kind of women. But when a women marries this kind of man they think they have done the impossible, tamed the untamable beast? So women, take heed! I agree with Steve Harvey, “Act Like a Lady, But Think Like a Man!!” I had a very intelligence brother once tell me he doesn’t want easy sex, he doesn’t want what every other dude can get. He wants a woman who makes him work hard for it.

But far as the boss lady and the independent woman goes, what’s up with that? We work just as hard, if not harder than a man to get our titles and our possessions so why can’t we get the same kind of respect?

Why is it that a man doesn’t want to commit to a relationship, but wants you to commit to him? I’m just saying. Why is it that a man doesn’t want to take care of a woman, but feel inferior when she can take care of herself? Why is it that a man wants a woman to take charge in the bedroom, but not in the boardroom? Welllllll… Or here’s the killer, a man can have five kids by five different women, but look down on women who have more than one baby father? WTF???

I have my own opinions on this but I need the Fellas to talk to a sista?????????????????????

C Double R