Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Cougarville- Older Women Younger Men

Ok, there seems to be a fad going on, which is older women dating younger men and they are called “Cougars”. A Cougar is defined as a woman who is 40 plus years of age who date men at least 10 years her junior. There’s Vivica Fox, Demi Moore, Madonna, Angie Stone (who has been doing this for years) and now Toni Braxton, just to name a few. So the question is, “Is this really just a fad or a new way of life for women?”

I typically have and always preferred to date older men. My ex husband was almost 10 years my senior. I also felt a sense of security when I dated an older man. However, I did experiment once with a younger guy. I can’t call myself a Cougar because I am not 40 yet ( 2 months and counting) but this guy was 6 years my junior, he was 31 and I was 37 and I found him to be very immature mentally. It could have been his field of work, he was a professional athlete, and he referred to women as “chicks” and we won’t discuss is vernacular, he put the “E” in Ebonics. I guess that just wasn’t my cup of tea or maybe he just wasn’t my cup of tea?

I am not saying I would not be opposed to dating a younger man, but he would definitely have to have his stuff together. Let’s face it, there are a lot of younger guys out there that are on the ball. But the question is how do men feel about getting serious with an older woman? Seems like it is working out fine with Demi and Ashton, they have been together for years now, but let’s face it, they are not your typical “Cougar” relationship.

Men are physical creatures, so if a man does date or get serious with an older woman, it’s going to be a lot of pressure on the woman to stay fit and keep herself looking the same way she did when they first met. Let’s face it, there is a lot of competition out there and dating a younger man only add more pressure on the woman, just keeping it real!

I have a friend who married a woman 8 years his senior and initially the relationship was great. She was a very attractive woman and he was a very attractive man, but he was always more outgoing than she was and as time went on this became a major flaw in their relationship. When the wife became more settled in her ways as she got older and her body started changing, this became a major problem for him because we’re talking about a man who is a very physical creature when it comes to women. They ultimately divorced after 10 years of marriage.

So my question is, “If you truly love someone, should it matter how old they are (as long as they are of legal age)?” Let’s face it, true love is a hard thing to come by and I wouldn’t want to pass up love just because someone is 10 years my junior. There are a million other reasons to pass up love and this isn’t one of them. We are living in a new day and era. Women are definitely taking control of their lives and doing the damn thang, it’s no longer an All Boys Club! So I say let’s go Cougars!!! I ain’t mad at cha!!!!

I’m just saying….

C Double R


  1. It shouldn't matter. I've dated a woman that was 8 years older, but she was young at heart. I think that makes a lot of difference. You can be older but young in spirit.

    As for staying in shape, get it right, get it tight. Squats, treadmill, kickboxing, whatever. You're right that men are physical creatures, and we can also be a bit shallow at times. If you want to keep your man at home, you'd better throw in an hour or two at the gym in between shopping trips.

  2. I married a woman 8 years older and almost married a woman 6 years younger. That’s not even to mention the wide age range of women I’ve dated over the years. So I just don’t get all this imaginary hype about age being an issue. Age is clearly no indicator of mental maturity. And given the way people are living these days, age is no predictor of how a woman will physically decay. Think about how many young girls you see now days with more flab than a little bit. But I routinely see women with a head full of silver hair but the tightest body around because they’ve been living right.

    I think women in general, but Black women specifically just need to drop that old standard and keep their options open. Especially when so many of them are quick to claim that there are no good men. Only a fool would exclude a guy that meets all their needs just because he happened to be born after they were.

  3. Malcolm R Clark:

    I have It was cool she was smart and funny and passionate still friends.

  4. Wow.. I can't believe I agree with the guys. I also don't think that age should be a deal breaker because babyeee there are much more serious things to think about than age when it comes to falling in love, like is he financially stable, is he mentally stable, mature, an abuser, alcoholic, womanizer, etc. Get my drift???

    Thanks for responding guys:)

  5. That's because the guys are usually right.