Monday, October 12, 2009

You Can’t Force a Man to Change! Period!

Today’s topic is all about change! Ladies, have you ever met that man and all you can say is “ Damn, he would be a good man only if..”? If he wasn’t such a womanizer, more caring, more giving, not so uptight, etc. One thing I’ve learned is that people will change because of one or two reasons; when there are ready to change or when they are forced to change. Example, if a man gets tired of sleeping with different women every night and having meaningless sex then he will eventually change his habits. If a man loses something that he really, truly cares about but doesn’t realizes it until after the fact, then he is forced to change, that’s if he doesn’t want the same results. Because only a fool continues to do the same thing and expect a different result!

Sometimes we have to let people learn and grow on their own and from their own mistakes and stop trying to force people to change. The bottom line is; if they don’t change for themselves then it’s just a temporary fix to a lifetime problem. Now, if a man truly wants to change then he will change when he is ready to change, not because someone else wants him to change.

Unfortunately, most people, especially men, don’t change until something detrimental in their life happens that forces them to change. If you have a man who is constantly throwing shade to those who he thinks is not on his level because they don’t roll like he roll, with the fancy car, big house, flashy clothes and the women, when he loses his job or doe and can no longer afford those fancy cars, clothes and women, he will think twice before he throw shade again. This kind of thing can change a man’s perception on life. Or, if you have a man who takes his wife for granted until she finally leaves him, that will make him think twice about what’s important to him and what is a priority to him in life.

I had a good friend once tell me that it’s one thing to hurt yourself, but when you hurt someone that you truly love that shit hurts like a mutha. This made them re-evaluate themselves and it forced them to take a deep dark look into the mirror and literally start making changes with the person in the mirror. They did this because they never wanted to hurt another person like that ever again in life especially when it is because of their own greed.

Bottom line is, you can’t make or force a person to change. A person has to change on their own and at their own pace. So you should either accept or reject that person as is, if you don’t have the patience to wait for them to change on their own. One thing for sure, two things for certain, if he really cares about you he will change own his own to keep you or he will be forced to change after you leave his ass because you had enough of his shit!!

I’m just saying.

C Double R


  1. Maybe if you stopped trying to castrate a man and making into what you wanted him to be, you would get along better with him. A lot of women keep trying to take men out of their element with all of the "changes" they want. Let a man be a man, and a lot of times, you'll find you have a good one.

  2. I agree with you 100% True Man!

  3. Kevin Irvin
    Chanel I agree with you whole heartedly, and I think that's the case because women tend to mature/grow much earlier than men. So it may take a man 2 or 3 experiences to realize that his shit does stink, and then that's when he starts to re-evaluate his actions, his character, and his life style.

  4. Kevin Garland
    I... Read More’m gonna flip the script on you Channel. I guess my first response would be why are women picking men that they believe require change??? Obviously, if all these things are true in you post, then what do women usually settle for. These things together sound like an oxy-moron. “Womanizer, more caring, more giving”. Really, if he is a womanizer and you knew it or found out, why not get rid of his ass. Why try to change him. Don’t make no sense. Also why do you think you can change him into someone that’s more caring, more giving. Huh?? Second, since you are so interested in the bottom line (you gave it twice) LOL! Here is my bottom line on changing a man. It’s all wrong from the beginning. He sure isn’t a man if he needs to change from the bad things you mentioned. This kind of man and change just don’t go together well with me, when you taking about childish shit. When I was a child I spoke as a child, when I became a man………

  5. Perfectly said Kev Irvin. You hit the nail on the head and hard!

  6. Kev G, please understand I personally don't think you can change a man or anyone for that matter, so let's get that out there from the gate. People don't change what they don't acknowledge and some people don't change what they do acknowledge. If a person don't want to change then they wont, period. So as I said either accept or reject a man as is, if you accept him as is and you see issues then be prepared to deal with the bullshit!!period!

    Thanks for taking the time to respond:)