How to Still Make it Sing After the Ring!

Have you ever heard of the joke if you want to stop having sex then get married? I hear a lot of married people complaining about the lack of sex or the lack of romance in their marriage. I know it is not an intentional occurrence, but sometimes life, children, school and work takes priority over sex and romance in a marriage. Now should this be? NO!!!


I can admit I felled into the “life” trap when I was married. First, I had my son then I went back to school. Then my son slept in the bed with us, and when it was all said and done I was just too damn tired to get sexy and be romantic. But before the kid and school, romance and sex was hot!

I had a code name “Shameka” and when “Shameka” was in town, watch out. Let’s just say if you ever heard of the song by Dwele “I’m Cheating”, that was my relationship in a nutshell. The song premise is a man cheating on his woman with is woman’s alter ego. “Shameka” was my alter ego:) You have to keep the “sexy” in the relationship regardless how busy and how tired you are because if you don’t then eventually someone else will.

Don’t be so predictable and if you can’t change your routine then “enhance” you routine. If you usually get home before him and start dinner, then try cooking in sexy lingerie or “his” favorite outfit or hell in the nude! Or surprise him and stop by his job to say hi with nothing but a trench coat on! You could also stuff a sexy dirty note in his shirt pocket or briefcase. Or send him a sexy picture in the middle of the day. Trust me, men love this stuff.

One day I was watching “Run’s House” and he made a statement that before he married his wife they promised that they would continue to date after marriage, in spite of the kids. He said one day the kids will be grown and the only two that will be left in the house would be the two of them and he didn’t want to “learn” his wife all over again. I completely agree, married couples must continue to date after marriage.

It’s easier to keep the fire going than trying to rekindle it. If you never stop then the marriage will never lose its spark. So pull out those spike heels that’s been collecting dust and that sexy little black dress and go out dancing with that mystery man of your and when you get home make him remember why he made you his wife in the first place!

Hell, if Barack and Michelle can still date, the busiest man in America, then why can’t you and your wife or husband?

I’m just saying..



C Double R!

Sexy is More Than an Adjective

What is sexy? The dictionary defines sexy as “aphrodisiac: exciting sexual desire”. Sexy is more than just an adjective, it is a state of mind. Sexy can mean different things to different people. Sexy can be in a style of speech, a style of dress, intelligence, or simply in someone’s “swagger”. What is sexy to you?


Sexy is more than just a face or shape it’s about the “presence” that someone has when they step into a room or when you speak to them in a conversation. I remember when I was younger I didn’t understand when a guy would say, “She was sexy, but not in the traditional sense.” But know I understand.

Sexy to me is intelligence and ambition. Give me an “average” looking guy who is super intelligent and ambitious Lawd have Mercy!! Ladies have you ever seen an intelligent man in action? That has to be some of the sexy stuff I have ever seen. I love a man who knows how to take charge and just get the job done. He uses his intelligence, not is fist to get his point across. He uses is goals, not is shadiness to get to where he wants to be, you feel me?

Just like the comedian Teddy Carpenter said you could be the ugliest dude alive but if you have a good job, good credit and a mortgage you look like Denzel to most women! Women love men who can handle their business. As I stated in my previous articles women love a man who knows how to take charge, we find that very sexy.

But again, it goes back to your personal preference. Some women just need a hard body and a fione ass face to call a man sexy. Some men just need a shapely body an average face to call a woman sexy. Some men think a woman’s “independence” and her knowing how to handle her business is sexy. Some women think a man who can be gentle, but yet masculine is sexy. Sexy is definitely in the eye of the beholder.

Let’s not confuse sexiness for attractiveness. There is a difference. Sexy is more tangible and attraction in most cases is more intangible. However, some people may confuse the two. Furthermore, they may not understand the difference between the two. With sexiness it’s an instantaneous vibe, but an attraction in some cases has to build up to that status of attraction.

Sexy is what sexy does. So what’s your sexy?

I’m just saying..



C Double R!

When is Keeping a Secret Better Than Telling a Lie?

If you brought an $800 handbag, but told your mate that it was on sale for $99, is that something worth lying about? If you told your mate that you only had three sexual partners before him, but in reality you had ten, is this something worth lying about? If you tell your mate that you graduated from college, but in reality you barely finished high school, is this something worth lying about? What is the difference between lying and keeping a secret?


A secret is when you keep an event or fact completely to yourself. Therefore, you never have to embellish the truth because the fact is never revealed. So is keeping a secret better than telling a lie? Some may think by simply omitting the fact makes it better than telling a lie. Some may argue when you embellish the truth and your mate finds out about it then you subject yourself to being labeled a” liar”. However, if you completely omit to reveal the truth then you have more options to explain why.

Should you tell your mate everything about you, no matter how big or how small? This is a personal judgment call. Most men like to look at their significant other as being “pure” and “angelic”. She could have kids from a previous marriage/relationship, divorced, or he could have taken her from her former boyfriend. Most men like to believe that their woman was put on this earth only for them and that’s the image they would like to keep in their minds when it comes to the woman that they love, as a delicate flower. In most cases once this image is tainted it is very hard for a man to see his woman in the same light as he did before. It could be a sexual experience she had years before even knowing him, but the minute he finds out about that man from the past that man is now present in your current relationship. That’s just how a man’s psyche works.

So are some secrets worth keeping to yourself? That truly depends on the nature of the secret and the person who you are keeping the secret from. Some things are meant to be left as a secret and some things are meant to be revealed, but it is up to you to make that judgment call. Do you have more to lose by revealing that secret, or do you have more to gain by keeping that secret? Is it a secret that could affect your current situation or is it a secret that you are not proud of, but have little to no affect on your current status?

Decisions, decisions, decisions. If you chose to reveal, just make sure you reveal wisely. If you chose to embellish the truth, just make sure you embellish wisely. Just remember, what you say will always be on display and once the words are in the air you can’t push them back into your mouth!!

I’m just saying..

C Double R!

Making Concessions vs. Settling for a Man!

Ladies, I know if we could create our own man we would make him with all of the characteristics on our “wish list”. I was watching the new show on VH1 featuring Chilli from TLC and its entitled “What Chilli Wants”. Unfortunately, what she wants doesn't exist, well at least not in one man. She is looking for a man who is super fione, washboard stomach, rich, don’t smoke or drink, God fearing, tall, no more than two baby mommas and most importantly he MUST have a big d*ck!! WHAT??????? BP! (Translation Bitch Please!) Chilli, you couldn’t create a man like that, even if you had the tools to do so!


See, this is where I have a problem with women. Some women live in a fantasy world and that is the main reason why so many women are singled until one day they wake up and realizes that they wasted so many years looking for a man that doesn’t exist they panic and pick up the first thing that’s breathing oxygen, just so they can say they have a man!! Are you serious? So let’s see, you went from unbelievable expectations to the bottom of the barrel expectations just so you can say you have a man or just so you don’t have to be alone.

Ladies, ladies, ladies, please understand the difference between making concessions for a man and settling for a man. Let me explain the difference. A concession is when you date or enter into a relationship with a man who doesn’t have some of the characteristics that you normally like in a man. For instance, you may prefer dark skinned men, but you happen to meet a light skinned brotha that have all of the important qualities that you look for in a man so you make a concession for this man. Another example is you may have a rule you only like to date tall men, but you happen to meet an average height man, who again, has all of the other important qualities that you look for in a man, so you make a concession for this man.

Now let’s talk about settling for a man, shall we. Most women settle for a man when they get desperate. Desperate to be in a relationship, just to be in a relationship! It doesn’t matter if dude doesn’t have a job, 8 kids with 6 different baby mommas, beat your ass, a drunk or a habitual cheater. As long as you can say you have a man, it’s all good!

The one thing women can do to avoid getting to this stage is to learn to understand their self- worth. Period! Once you understand and can appreciate your worth then you won’t become desperate because you know what your worthy of. It will become an innate behavior which won’t allow you to settle for the bullshit when it comes to men or anything in life. Once a woman masters this task she will clearly know the difference between making a concession and settling for a man.

So getting back to my girl Chilli, until she can understand the difference between settling and making a concession when it comes to men she will forever find herself alone! Because believe me we all make concessions when it comes to our relationships. Trust me, what ever man she decides to be with will be making a concession too when it comes to her, because there are no perfect people in this world and that includes you too Ms. Chilli!

I’m just saying.



C Double R!

When Women Cheat

Ok, ok, ok we all know women are emotional creatures and men are physical creatures, I believe I have reiterated this a hundred times already. So my question for the men is, “Can you forgive your woman if you found out or if she admitted that she cheated?” I want you to let this question marinate in your mind for a minute before you respond.

When a man cheat it’s like eating a piece of cake, it was good while it lasted but once it’s gone it’s gone! If a man could cheat everyday and knew he could get away with it then damn it he probably would! Again, it is in a man’s make up to be a physical creature. I think this is why a significant number of women forgive their man when he cheats, especially if he is a good provider, because most women know the pickings out there are very slim when it comes to finding a good man. And as I stated in a previous article most men will not leave their woman no matter how good the side sex is, because in their mind it’s just a good piece of side ass.

Now let’s flip the script and discuss why women cheat. Most women cheat because they are trying to fill a void in their current relationship. It could be the lack of communication, attention, or affection. And unfortunately, most men prey on this and play up to this when they meet a woman who they know is missing something in her relationship.

This man will do all that he can to fill that void because once he does he knows he has her right where he wants her, in his bed! Oh, he will wait and be patient too. He will be that ear that she needs when her man doesn’t want to listen to what she has to say. He will compliment her to make her feel sexy when her man doesn’t. He will be her best friend and once he knows he has her where he wants her “in that comfort zone” dude will go in for the kill. Most women, sometimes including myself, doesn’t recognize this game that men play, well not initially, then when we do recognize this game we will do either one of two things.

One, we will keep that man “in the friend zone” or we will give in. Most women give in not because we appreciate the man so much, but because we appreciate the attention from the man so much! And men know this and that is why it is much harder for a man to forgive his woman for cheating as oppose to a woman forgiving her man for cheating. Most men know once they lose their woman emotionally it is very hard to reel her back in, so that’s why most men just say the hell with it and just walk away from the relationship completely. And if they do stay they will always feel that sense of betrayal from their woman because they know that emotional sex is much worse than physical sex and this can really mess up a man’s psyche.

I hate to say it, but in a lot of cases women cheat because they feel neglected, so men if you stay on your job then maybe your woman wouldn’t cheat on you, whether it’s emotional or physical cheating. I will tell you just let you all like to tell us, the same things you did to get me will be the same things you need to continue to do to keep me!

I’m just saying..

C Double R!

Baby Momma Drama!!!

This is something that most women can relate to, including myself. Ladies you know how you meet that “special” someone and he is all that you are looking for in a man, except there is one issue. BABY MOMMA DRAMA!! Damn, damn, damn (in my Florida Evans voice)!! So now you have to weigh the pros and the cons of the situation.


You have to assess the situation from top to bottom and decide whether or not he’s worth all of the drama? So you start with the easy questions first. How many baby mommas are we talking about? How old are the kids, are they toddlers or teenagers? Are they boys or girls (trust, this makes a BIG difference especially if they are teenagers). Are the kids local or out of state?

Now you have to ask yourself the real questions. Does the baby momma(s) call in the middle of the night? Does he go over to the baby momma(s) house in the middle of the night, talking about he’s going to spend time with his kids? Does he walk out of the room when the baby momma(s) calls him? Does his ass smell like fresh soap when he comes back from supposedly seeing his kids? Does the baby momma(s) act like Keisha from Why Did I Get Married (For those of you who have seen the movie know what I am talking about?). If so, then they are still knocking boots and you need to get to stepping!! Period!

Again, this goes back to making the right investment when it comes to our relationships. If you ask yourself the questions about the baby momma(s) and if only one of the answers is a “yes”, then that’s a red flag. If you ask yourself these questions and all of them are “yes” then that’s a damn burning flag!!

I do have to defend the innocent fathers here because all fathers are not still dealing with their baby momma(s) even if the baby momma(s) tends to act like a crazy azz woman when it comes to the new woman. I can say this because again, I have experienced it. Sometimes the baby momma(s) can’t or won’t accept the fact that her child’s father has moved on and she is still stuck on “relationship” mode when it comes to the father. Ladies, just because your child’s father may come back once in awhile and break you off some doesn’t mean you two are back together. Or just because kids night turns into “mommy night” too, doesn’t mean you two are back together.

So ladies, just keep these questions in mind when you do meet a guy with kids, because kids can make or break a relationship, but baby momma drama can kill a relationship even before it gets started!

I’m just saying..



C Double R!

Making the Right Investment

Do you ever wonder if you are making the right investment? We always try to make the right investment when it comes to our homes, jobs, financial future, but how often do we concentrate on whether or not we are making the right investment when it comes to our relationships?


When you meet a potential mate do you really ask yourself, is this person worth my investment? Investment meaning the time, energy, and effort it takes to make a relationship work. I think a lot of us try to turn a bad investment into a good investment even when we know we will never see a profit from it.

For instance, you know you are involved with a person who is a bad investment, but yet and still you stay in this relationship hoping and praying that this person stock will go up and you will finally start to see a return on your investment. WRONG!!! Listen if you’re involved with a grown ass woman or man who is not motivated then more than likely they will never be motivated. If you are with a person who you know is selfish, more than likely they will remain selfish. If you are involved with someone who doesn’t do it for you, but is a nice person, more than likely they will never do it for you. One thing I have learned with age and experience you can’t force a person to change or force a person to be something that they are not or someone that you want them to be!

I hate to say it, but as women we have the tendency to try to “create” that perfect man. We are always thinking that we can change a man, especially after the fact, like after we marry him. There is nothing wrong with making concessions, but we should not settle for someone in the hopes that we can change them so we can cash out on our investment.

Nine times out of ten we know when someone is a good or bad investment after a month or so from the time we start dating them. We may even know sooner if we learn to ask the right questions on the first date. If we stop focusing so much on the physical and start concentrating on the mental maybe we can stop making so many bad investments when it comes to our relationships.

Ladies another thing is stop trying to force a man into a relationship, especially when you know he is a good investment. Sometimes we meet people and the timing is not always right. However, if you know this man is a good investment, then befriend him first and stop trying to force him into a relationship, because sometimes long term investments are much better than short term investments, because sometimes in the end you get more on your return by just being patient!

I just saying..



C Double R!.