Saturday, July 18, 2009

Why Is My Bed Always So Cold? The Independent Chick

Fellas have you ever met that perfect woman? She’s independent, fine, have her own car, house, money and don’t mind treating you to dinner or surprising you with a gift or two. She’s just that bad that she have you thinking to yourself, damn I finally found that perfect woman. She got her own shit, great in bed, and she can hold it down on her own. You’re thinking you hit the jackpot, until you get into that first heated argument. Boy, that’s when you think to yourself, “What the fuck did I just get myself into?” It goes a little something like this, “Jigga I don’t need you, I want you, don’t get it twisted. So let’s be clear. I’ve been taking care of myself before you came along and will continue to do so after you are gone! I don’t know who the hell you think you are because I am an independent woman and I don’t need a man for shit. “Sounds familiar? And this is all being said because you asked her did she need help with the groceries!

See men, independent women are very hard to gauge. Sometimes they want a man to take control and at other times they need to be in control because they don’t know how not to be in control in certain situations. Most women are in control because of one of two reasons. One, they were either forced to be in control or two, they have the desire to be in control.

Unfortunately, these are the women who don’t understand that every woman needs a man. It’s not in a woman’s makeup to be a man. Period. Yes, women should be very proud that they can support themselves, take care of their business and don’t have to answer to anyone, but that doesn’t mean that deep down inside that they don’t want and desire a man to protect them. More often than not, independent women inadvertently push men away. Yes, most men love independent women, but they don’t want to be reminded every day that they are with an independent woman and constantly reminded that she don’t need him, but she wants him. That shit get old real quick with most men.

One thing I learned is that a man needs to feel needed because if he doesn’t then he feels emasculated. It’s in a man’s make up to be the provider, the protector and the head of the family and when a woman takes that away from him he feels inadequate. This is the one thing that the independent woman just can’t seem to understand, no matter how many degrees she has hanging on her wall. This is the reason why most independent women ask the same question, “Why is my bed always so cold?” This is the reason! Learn to let a man be a man, even if he doesn’t make as much money as you, or if he’s not as educated as you, or doesn’t have a high power job like you. Let the man be the man, damn it!!

Men, so I know you are asking well how can I tell when a woman thinks like this? Well there are signs. If a woman never let’s you pay for anything and always brag about how much money she makes and wants to compare paychecks. That’s a sign my brother. If a woman is always telling you how much she paid for this or that, and shows you the receipt. That’s a sign. And most importantly if she always want to ride you and never let you ride her while having sex. That’s definitely a sign.

These are all signs letting you know that she don’t need you and she is constantly telling you this when she does these types of things. There could also be another underlying reason why she does these things. Insecurity. When women have to constantly brag about their money, possessions, and or looks this is usually because they are trying to mass some other insecurity. It’s the same as when a little man buys a huge truck, or an older man buys a red corvette or gets a tattoo. We all do things to mass some kind of insecurity that we have about ourselves, whether it is big or small.

We women have to learn to let it go and let the man lead and learn to follow sometimes. Because if we continue to poke our chest out like we are the king of the jungle all the masses will find another location to habitat. I define myself as an independent woman, but I am not an overly aggressive independent woman. Can I handle my business? Yes. Am I educated? Yes, with a Masters from an Ivy League University, but is this brought up in the very first conversation I have with a man I just met? No. Fellas, this is another sign. If you meet a woman and she is telling you or better yet showing you her portfolio on your first date, run.

Now the flip side of this is that most independent women are very selective and very picky when it comes to dating men. For instance, I have several girlfriends who are educated, attractive and independent, who will only date a man of a certain caliber. They don’t look at potential they look at the current situation and if it is not up to their standards then they will not give the man the time of day. So fellas, if we are keeping it real let’s do just that. Don’t approach a well dressed classy sophisticated woman if your shit aint tight. So to save you the embarrassment, know what you working with and when in doubt move on, there are more fish in the sea. I know that sounds harsh but unfortunately there are a lot of shallow people in the world including independent women.

Now, there are different classifications of independent women. Just because a woman is educated doesn’t mean she’s independent or just because a woman is not educated doesn’t mean she’s not independent. Being independent simply means handling your business. You could be living at home with your parents and working two jobs and going to school, that’s flexing your independence. You could be a single parent mother with no assistant from the government, that’s flexing your independence. Then there’s the independent woman that most are familiar with, the well-educated, high power position independent woman. All these women have one thing in common, strength. So when an independent woman meets that perfect man it is hard for her to relinquish her power because she has been programmed for so long to be that way.

Fellas, I am not saying that all independent woman her bossy, or hard to deal with, I am saying just understand the type of woman that you are dealing with because it does take a special breed of a man to deal with an independent woman. When a woman is forced to be in the position of power she gets use to holding that position and it is hard to let go and let someone else hold that position for her.

It goes back to the fact that every woman doesn’t understand that she needs a man. One of my favorite songs is by Mary J. Blige, it is called “Father Figure”. In the song she speaks about how it was hard for her to be in a relationship and to keep a man because she never knew her father and she didn’t know how to relate. It also talks about how every woman needs a man and how some women don’t understand that fact. We all want a man to be our protector, our leader and some women think if they admit to that then they are giving up their power and independence. But in fact, what they are really doing is keeping it real and being a woman, the way God created a woman to be.

One thing I do think independent women understand is that it doesn’t take a man to complete them. A man should be an addition to not a completion of a woman. I will speak a little more depth on this topic in later chapters. Now if the independent woman can just learn to share the independence then I believe she could be in a much better situation when it comes to relationships with men.

Men I am not saying if you don’t make six figures, live in a nice house, and drive a nice car that you don’t have a chance with an independent woman. Again, independent women have different classifications and all independent women aren’t superficial or bitches. There are independent women who will support a man who is trying to pull himself up to be a better man. However, you also have independent women who like to tear a brotha down when he is trying to pull himself up to her level, financially. This is where that insecurity piece comes into play. Fellas listen, if you are a hard working man, supports his lady emotional and spiritually and she doesn’t appreciate it because you can’t support her financially, then she’s not the one for you. Period.

Learn to read the signs that women put out every day. Also, stop getting caught up on the physical and learn to be more in tune with the emotional. Once you can learn to do that, that’s when you can become a master at whether or not a specific woman is the woman for you.

1 comment:

  1. I often hear women say that they want a man who isn't afraid to tell them how he is feeling. A man who will talk to them. They commiserate with their girlfriends on the phone or in the salon and get reinforcement in the form of a, "Yeah, uh huh, that's right gurl!"

    And yet is has been my experience that when they come across that man who has no problems, no qualms, no inability to express himself or his feelings that these women are usually not prepared for it. It's as if the man has "called her bluff". It's akin to people saying, "I like to take long walks in the park..."

    Is there anyone that really does this? It's one of those things people say because it sounds romantic. In their head, it's as if they are on The Family Feud and their family/friends are behind them saying, "Good answer! Good answer!"

    So ladies, are YOU really prepared for that articulate, intelligent man you say you want???