Friday, March 26, 2010

To Tell or Not to Tell- That’s the Question

Ok, here is the scenario. One of your homegirls, not a childhood friend that you see once every two years, or an associate or a co-worker, but a homegirl, tells you she met a dude that she is really feeling. She wants you to meet him, so she invites you over to her house one day when he is there. So you’re game, you go to her house and as soon as she introduces him to you, you realize it is someone that you use to mess with in the past. Question, do you tell her or do you let it ride and don’t say a word?


I have offered this scenario to several people and I have gotten mixed responses. However, most men, well damn near every man wanted to know! If he was dating a woman that his homeboy used to date he would want to know about it. I was told it was a territorial thang with men. One example that was given to me was, say you and dude started out on the same job in the same position, now fast forward 5 years later and you are now that dude’s boss. You are now dating someone that he used to deal with. A man wants to know this! Why? I will tell you why. Because the guy who is now your subordinate is telling everyone that he used to bang the boss’s woman! He saying “Yeah you may be the boss, but I had your woman first!” After hearing this and analyzing this, I now understand why a man would want to know, TESTESTRONE!!

For women, I think it is a little different. Some women responses were if it was in the past and it doesn’t mean anything now then don’t tell. They felt as though, if it was something that really didn’t go anywhere then don’t bring it up. If it was a serious thing then yeah they would bring it up. So for women it was all about the seriousness of the situation.

I personally was kind of on the fence with this one. But after really thinking about it, I too agreed it would be best for all parties involved (or formerly involved) to disclosure this information. Then leave it to the new person to decide whether it’s a make or break the deal for the new relationship.

Hey, honesty is the best policy because what if your homegirl or homeboy run into someone that knows you used to date the “current” and you never divulged this information, how do you think it would make them feel?


I’m just saying

C Double R!

6 comments:

  1. I'm telling at the introductions because it's coming out either now or down the road and if it's a friend of mine they know I'm going to tell the truth. The only tell I don't do anymore is if I see your man with someone else out and about. I don't say anything because when u get back together I'm the reason for the problems. By the way how do I have my name come up instead of anonymous on last two post this is Ernest

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  2. Hey Ern, I am with you. And as for as telling your friend that you seen their mate with someone else is a NO NO! I learned that the hard way 20 years ago when I told one of my "former" best friends that I seen her man with another woman, notice how I said "former" best friend.

    BTW- You can sign on as a follower or if you have an AOL or Google account you can leave your name instead of being anonymous.

    Thaks for blogging:)

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  3. For the fellas, there is an unwritten code, you just DONT DO IT. You don't date a friends ex. I'd have to tell him.

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  4. @ True Man Exactly!! But some men never decipher that unwritten code" apparently!!

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  5. Who these days does NOT have a past? So what would you do if you go to buy a house and find the perfect one, and then after settlement find out that your spouse used to bang one of the neighbors – what would you do then?

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  6. Who these days does NOT have a past? So what would you do if you go to buy a house and find the perfect one, and then after settlement find out that your spouse used to bang one of the neighbors – what would you do then?

    ReplyDelete