Never Let Them See You Sweat!!

Ladies, I know at times it is very hard for us to hold our tongue. Especially when you know someone is pushing all of the right buttons to make you lose your cool, and they know it. Unfortunately, most times than not, we fall for the bait and prove their point. Yes, I too, have been guilty of this. But the older and wiser I get I realize when we respond in the opposite manner than what they are expecting this really messes them up in the head! At this point they are shook and don’t have a comeback because they only prepared their speech or their reactions for an angry, ignorant person not a smart, cool-minded person.


Just remember once you lose your control you give the other person the power. I have been told by numerous people that I am emotionless or have an “I don’t care attitude”, but the truth of the matter is I don’t wear my emotions on my sleeve. If you have defeated me, gotten the best of me, or hurt me, nine times out of ten you would never know. I have learned to take “It is what it” attitude. If it is something or someone I can’t change, why bother? The bottom line is, “I don’t stress and won’t digress so I can be about of someone else’s mess.”

The other benefit is sometimes the whole situation can become very amusing, and at the other’s expense. Because in most cases, the calmer you get, the madder they get, then they really look like a jackass! If you don’t believe me, try it yourself. If you run across a person who calls themselves putting you on blast or telling you off, just remain calm and respond and a nonchalant manner and check out their reaction, PRICELESS.

Just to my ladies, we as black woman, unfortunately have earned the stereotype as having the “Angry Black Woman’s Syndrome” and unfortunately, sometimes we live up to this stereotype and in most cases rightly so. But I will say this to my ladies, I know it can be very hard to restraint our tongues from saying some very harsh things, but if we could just use this reaction as a last resort or no resort at all I guarantee you that we would see a better outcome of the situation. However, I must say sometimes people leave you no choice but to bring out the “Angry Black Woman’s Syndrome” on that ass. But if you have to use it, ladies please use it wisely.

I’m just saying.

C Double R!

Why Are You Single, If You're Not Gay?

Women, have you ever met that mature decent brother who has a good job, own place, no kids (or take care of his kids), and nice car, but has never been married? Doesn’t it make you wonder why this guy is single? He has all of the qualities that most women look for in a man and he’s easy on the eyes. First, let me say NO HE’S NOT GAY! Unfortunately, men who fit this category are usually simply set in their ways and have grown accustomed to being alone.


It’s almost like a single woman finding out she is pregnant in her late forties, she has to evaluate and decide if she is willing to give up “herself” and her “lifestyle” to prepare for motherhood. Men feel the same way when it comes to settling down after being single for so many years.

Most single men love their “space” especially after they have had it for so long. This would be a life changing decision because he would have to go from a “me” man to a “we” man and most mature men are not willing to do that.

I have a friend who fits this description, good job, homeowner and nice looking in his mid forties and he has never been married and doesn’t have any children, and no he is not gay! So of course you know I had to ask the question, “Why are you single”? He basically said because he doesn’t want to give up his space. He said he loves coming home not answering to anyone, not dealing with someone when he doesn’t feel like it, and doesn’t feel like “changing” at this stage and age in his life.

Most mature men fear they will lose themselves or what they have grown accustomed to if they decide to engage in a serious relationship or marriage with a woman. I do have to agree to a certain degree because most women are needy and demand attention and unfortunately, this deter most mature single men from wanting to be in a relationship, they see it as too much work and too much to give up.

Have women become so needy that it has caused men, especially good men, to not even bother with us? Is it such a chore and “job” to be in a relationship today, especially with a black woman? Most men don’t understand that it’s in a woman’s make-up to be a nurturer and caregiver. We want to nurture our men the same way we nurture our children. We want to provide you with support because we believe in you, not because we want you to push us away.

So men this is just something to think about the very next time you decide you rather have your freedom as oppose to a good woman standing by your side supporting you and loving you. Because your "space" and "freedom" can’t take care of you when you are sick and support you when you deserve it the least or hug you when you need it the most.

I’m just saying.

C Double R!

Ladies, Ladies Please Read the Lyrics to Statistics by Lyfe Jennings!!

I love the new Lyfe Jennings song. This is for my ladies please check out the words and adhere to them!!

Statistics Lyrics – Lyfe Jennings

Alright alright alright yall settle down settle down settle down.

If you don't know where you are this is STATISTICS 101

and I'm your teacher LYFE JENNINGS in the flesh baby.

Books out. Let's go!

CHORUS

25% of all men are unstable


25% of all men can't be faithful


30% of them don't mean what they say


and 10% of them remaining 20 is gay

That leaves you a 10% chance of ever finding your man


That means you *better* *pay* attention to these words that I *say*


I'm gonna teach you how expose the 90%


and show you what to do to keep the other 10.

RULE #1

Don't be a booty call

If he don't respect you girl he gone forget you girl


*RULE* 2


If he's in a relationship


If he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you


RULE 3

Tell him that you're celibate


And if he wants some of your goodies he *gone* have to work for it

RULE 4


Be the person you wanna find

Don't be a nickel out here lookin' for a dime

STATISTICS!

15% of all men got a complex


15% of all men don't practice safe sex

20% of them come from homes without a father

so there's a 50/50 chance that you'll marry a coward

Something to think about when you're taking a shower

Something to swallow when *you* drink ya bottled water

I'm gonna teach you how to expose the 90%


And show you what to do to keep the other 10

REPEAT CHORUS

Be patient! He's waiting!

You don't gotta settle for that


Leave all that stress alone!


Get you a backbone!

Stop being *sorry for* yourself!


Have you no (checklist)?

It's gonna take (patience)

Time is still (wastin')


Click on the link to see the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFH-VwT4s0E

C Double R! Live on The Dedan Tolbert Show explaining the Three Stages of Men!

If you missed this hot topic show " The Three Stages of a Man According to C Double R!" please click the link and listen to C Double R! keeping it real on The Dedan Tolbert Show!


http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dedantolbert/2010/06/10/the-dedan-tolbert-show-weeknights-at-900pm-est

The Three Stages of a Man According to C Double R!

First let me put this disclaimer out there, this is solely my opinion based on my experiences and observations of men. My Masters Degree is in Organizational Leadership not Psychology, however, I do believe after reading this article most, if not all, of you will agree that I make some very valid points when it comes to the Three Stages of a Man in regards to relationships.


I believe there are three stages that a man could possibly go through when it comes to relationships. Those stages are Player Stage, Metamorphosis Stage and Ready to Settle Down Stage. However, let me premise this by saying that all men do not reach or complete all three stages. It’s very similar to Freud’s Psychosexual Stages of Development for a child. Everyone knows that there are five stages to Freud’s Psychosexual Stages of Development; oral, anal, phallic, latency and genital stages. However, some children never complete all five stages, same with my theory when it comes to the three stages that men can possibly go through when it comes to relationships.

The first stage is the Player Stage. This is the stage where basically the man is “just doing him”. He is dating numerous women simultaneously, lying, cheating, and doing whatever he can to keep the sex flowing. I believe most men have gone through this stage at one point or another in their life. This stage usually occurs when a young man initially starts dating and unfortunately this stage can last for an entire life time for some men. I know men in their forties who are still in the Player Stage when it comes to relationship.

This can also be a very dangerous stage because most men are reckless in this stage. Reckless in the sense where they are not properly protecting themselves sexually or reckless with their lies, which can result in numerous children, sexually transmitted diseases and/or a lot of hurt women. And we all know hell has no fury like a woman scorn, so men beware of the women you date in this stage because some of you might not make it to the next stage if you happen to “cross” the wrong woman.

The second stage is the Metamorphosis Stage. This is the stage that most men reach once they are tired of juggling different women and is ready to settle down or they have been hurt or have hurt the woman that they truly loved. This is the stage of reflection. This is the stage where the man is ready to get serious with his life when it comes to having a relationship with a woman. He goes through a cleansing stage. In this stage he may practice abstinence and focus on his inner self before he decides to engage in a serious relationship with a woman. I call it the Metamorphosis Stage because this is the “crossing over” stage. This is the stage where the man is trying to get to the other side, which is the Settling Down Stage.

Unfortunately, this could be a good and a bad thing for the woman who is in this man’s life at this stage. It’s a good thing because usually in this stage the man is very honest, sometimes brutally honest, to the women that he does meet while he is in this stage. Most women love and can respect an honest man. It’s bad because the woman will never really know if this man can and will ever crossover to the other side. It’s almost as if the man is in limbo and the woman is actually taking a gamble on this man, hoping and praying that he does reach the other side. Because at this point she doesn’t know just like the man doesn’t know if he will ever crossover to the Settling Down Stage.

The Final stage is the Settling Down Stage. This is the stage that every woman wishes she could meet her man in, but unfortunately, some men never peak to this stage. This is the stage where the man has gotten all of the playerism out of his system, had time to reflect and learn from his previous actions and now has positioned and prepared himself to be in a commitment relationship.

Unfortunately, just like some men never leave the Player Stage or the Metamorphosis Stage, some men never reach the Settling Down stage and this includes married men too! Oh yes, a man can be married but can still be in the Player Stage or in the Metamorphosis Stage, unbeknownst to his wife. In the ideal world we all want to meet “the right” guy in the Settling Down Stage but that’s just not reality.

I believe, we as women, know what stage a man is in when we meet him we just don’t want to acknowledge it. So I will leave you with this you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. If it doesn't sound or feel right, nine times out of ten it isn’t.

I’m just saying!



C Double R!

When to Introduce Your New Man in Your Life to Your Children?

I am a single mother who has faced the decision whether or not to introduce my son to the person I am dating. I have introduced my son to only one person that I have dated since my divorce, more than four years ago. It was my first semi-relationship I had as a single mother, and I made an error in judgment by introducing my son to the person I was dating.

I haven’t made that mistake again in more than three years. I introduced my son to him at the same time I was also getting to know this person - big mistake. This is one of the worst things a single mother can do because it is irresponsible to have your child get attached to a person that may or may not be in his or her life for a short period of time. Some men try to get close to the child in order to get closer to the mother.

Their logic is if they can get in good with the child then it’s a sure thing with the mom, not! Unfortunately, there isn’t a magical length of time to determine when you should introduce your child to your new love, but there is something called “good judgment.” If you have been dating someone for two or three months and he hasn’t asked any questions about your child(ren) or if he has children and he never talks about them, then that’s a pretty significant sign that he doesn’t view children as a priority or being important when it comes to building a relationship with a single mother.

However, if your new love constantly include your child(ren) in your conversations or ask to meet your child(ren) and you know he is sincere then that’s a good sign. This is a sign that he views children as being an important part to a successful relationship when it comes to dating a single mother.

So when do you think it is appropriate for a single mother to introduce her child to the new man in her life? Here is what a few of you had to say:

Ayinda from Collingdale, PA: “Three months, if she is certain that the relationship is serious.”

Terrell from Macon, GA “I once dated a young lady who introduced me to her son about a month after I met her. I didn’t think much about it. Well, her little boy instantly attached, and when things didn’t work out with me and his mother we both felt awkward because her son would make her call me even when we weren’t suppose to be talking. I think both of us felt a sense if guilt. So, I think you should make sure that the person will be around for a while before you introduce them to your children. Communication is the key I guess!”

Double D from Phila., PA: “First, let’s make the distinction between introducing your child and having someone being involved with your child. You can merely introduce your child to a first date. Involvement with a child is more significant the child is getting to know and or like the person and forming a bond and a connection with this person. And in my opinion, the only time a woman should do that with her child is when she believes or have some information, such as an engagement, that would lead her to believe the relationship is for life or at least for a very long term. Otherwise your child will be going through every break up that you go through.”

Sam from Phila., PA, “I don't think you can place a hard and fast number of dates that needs to be adhered, i.e. after the 3rd, 4th, etc, date. I think it needs to be based on the woman's feelings and conclusions she is drawing on the new boyfriend from the time they've spent together. Have they spoken about kids? What are his thoughts about children? Does he already have kids? What kind of disposition does he have? These are just a few of the questions a women needs to be considering. It's really all based on how she feels about him and the kind of person he is.”

J.R. from Los Angeles, CA: "My experience is with my ex wife who had 2 kids when I married her. I met her kids after a month of dating. I think a person can meet the kids once you''ve established relationship parameters with your significant other and the person should be introduced to the kids as a friend"

Dione, a single father from Lawrenceville, GA, said: “I guess the answer to your question is this: I do not see a reason for any woman to meet my children, unless we are looking at embarking on a long term relationship and possibly marriage. As a responsible adult, your actions are viewed and noted by those who emulate you, your children. Your actions act as their moral compass for when you are not there to answer questions. They will rely on what they have been exposed to in their past. I hold myself accountable for the type of people my children develop into."

As parents, we can guide and direct up to a point. if we have done our part, our children stand a better chance of stable moral and ethical base from which to make sound decisions.” I highly recommend holding off introducing your child(ren) to the new man in your life until you are sure that this man will be in your life for a long time and is marriage material. If not, you will only set your child(ren) up for disappointment. If you know this is not a person you want to be in a relationship with or have a future with then leave the children out of it.

Basically keep it simple, don’t complicate things by getting the child(ren) involved. Children are very impressionable and very trusting so if you’re not sure the person you are dating is the “one” then don’t introduce your child(ren) to him until you know he is the “one”. And if he is not the “one”, then you saved your child(ren) disappointment and you can put your mind at ease knowing you didn’t make an error in judgment by introducing your child(ren) to this person who is no longer in your life.

Food for thought. I'm just saying!!

C Double R! Special Guest on The Dedan Tolbert Show

If you missed this hot show please click the link and listen to C Double R! keeping it real on The Dedan Tolbert Show!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dedantolbert/2010/06/03/the-dedan-tolbert-show-weeknights-at-900pm-est

Menage a Trois - Is it Worth the Risk?

This is the ubiquitous fantasy of almost every man. Men have been fantasizing about this fantasy since the beginning of time and from the start of their puberty. Every time I ask a man what is his biggest sexual fantasy the first thing that comes out of his mouth is a ménage a trois, that’s if they haven’t acted on the fantasy yet. I do know men who have admitted to acting out this fantasy with either one of their buddies or two women.


I have been told if this is a fantasy that you want or planning on fulfilling it shouldn’t be with someone that you are in a serious relationship with or truly care about because you may run the risk of having your fantasy back fire on you. I had a buddy tell me that he dated this woman who helped him live out this fantasy, she had sex with him and two other women, a couple of his boys on several occasions. When she found out that he was getting married she asked him why wasn’t he marrying her and he simply stated, “I can’t married you, you slept with my boys.” At this point, she could have been Michele Obama, Halle Berry or had everything going on for herself but because he knew she slept with his boys and he was a participant in the act he lost all respect for her.

Now on the flip side, if you do carry out this fantasy with someone that you are in a serious relationship with or really care about you may find yourself left out in the cold when it’s all said and done. You may hound your woman for months at a time or even years to help fulfill this fantasy of yours and then when she finally grants your wish she could get turned out by the third party, it could be male or female and mess around either leaving or cheating on your ass with the very person you begged to bring into your bedroom. So, be careful for want you wish for because you just might get it and in the end you may be on the outside looking in.

I was told this is something that you want to do with a woman who is just your buddy and have no intentions on getting serious with or someone you’ll never see again, like someone that you and your buddy meet on vacation. I was told if a man ask you to do this then he really doesn’t have respect for you or isn’t trying to make you “wifey”. Men, is this true? What if your woman is hounding you to do a ménage a trois does this means she really doesn’t care about you, or is she just a freak?

I’m just saying?



C Double R!

Don’t Let Other People’s Negativity Stop Your Productivity

I think we have to learn to differentiate “hate” versus “lack of faith” when it comes to other people’s opinions about us. Some people may bad mouth you out of hate. They could be “hating” on you because they are envious or jealous of what you are doing or trying to do. Then others may not be supportive because of their lack of faith not only in themselves, but also in others.


Let’s start with the lack of faith people. Some people may not believe in your mission because of your past, your upbringing or maybe because they have tried what you are currently doing and failed at it! A particular song that comes to mind when I think of this kind of person is Marvin Sapp’s “The Best in Me”. He sings how when everyone else around him saw the worst in him God saw the best in him. Hence, always believe in yourself and don’t let others sway you or deter you from accomplishing your goals.

Now let’s talk about the “Haters”. This is an amusing bunch. When you have people talking itsh about you most of the time it’s because they are hating, period! Mad because they are not getting the shine. Feeling small because they don’t have the guts to do what you are doing. Jealous because they want to be in your shoes! The best way to overcome this negativity and focus on your productivity is by letting this be the fuel that keeps your fire going. I’ll go back to my Kat Williams saying, “If you have 5 people hating on you in the Spring then it’s your job to have 15 by the ending of the Summer!” Shake it off and keep it moving.

It’s funny when the haters try to tear you apart by saying negative things about you. When men hate on other men (which I find very “How You Doin” in my Wendy Williams voice) it’s usually something about his personal attire, looks or woman. When women hate on other women it is almost always, always about her personal appearance. Women love to tear other women apart and when they do they go straight for the personal appearance whether it’s her hair, clothes and yes, can’t forget the shoes!

The biggest motivation is to surround yourself with people who share the same goals, desires and dreams as you. If you surround yourself with positive people the probability of having a positive outcome is more likely. As I say, let the Haters hate and let their negativity encourage your productivity!

I’m just saying..



C Double R!

Embarrassing Intimate Moments

This is a very delicate and uncomfortable situation that some of us have faced a time or two. I must first say big ups to Double D for giving me this topic to talk about. Have you ever been in an “intimate” situation that went to the left because of au naturel body appearance/odor or because of an insufficient package?


I am quite sure that most of you have heard of the saying, “Sometimes it’s better to admire from afar”, because sometimes being up close and personal is not always cracked up to be what you thought it would be. I had a girlfriend tell me that when she was in college it was this guy that all of the women wanted to get with. He was a football player and had the body of Atlas. Broad shoulders and strong muscle arms that could lift you up in one swoop and he wasn’t bad to look at either. When the guy was introduced to her he was feeling her and of course she was feeling him so after a few months of knowing each other she decided to give in and let’s just say he didn’t fit in where he could get in. That destroyed the Atlas image she had of this dude. However, she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, because it happened after a night of drinking. Unfortunately, when it happened the second time it ended up with the same result and she never saw dude again.

I had a guy friend tell me that he worked with a female that all of the men use to drool over. He said she was stacked like a Brickhouse, very shapely and fit. He stated they would flirt with one another and one day it escalated to the point to where she ended up at his house and he knew it was about to go down. He said as soon as he started to take her clothes off everything just instantly dropped and cellulite was all over her body. He said her clothes was literally keeping everything in place and in shape. So he made up an excuse to break out and shut it down as fast has he could. After that he kept the flirting to a minimum and made excuses when she tried to holler at him.

So in some cases is it better to admire from afar? Sometimes the fantasy is better than reality or worst, sometimes reality can turn your fantasy into a nightmare. But the question is once you’re in that situation how do you proceed? If you start getting intimate with someone you thought you were attracted to until they take their clothes off and it’s a turn off, do you offer courtesy sex or make an excuse and break the hell out? I guess you really couldn’t answer this question until you are facing this situation, or could you?

I’m just saying..

C Double R!