Damn, I Miss His Loud Ass Snoring, Damn I Miss Her Horrible Cooking!

Isn’t it funny how you miss the very thing that drove you crazy about you ex when you become single? Not to say you miss your ex, but you miss those little things in the relationship that drove you crazy when you were in one. Remember when you wanted to shove a pillow down his throat to stop him from snoring? Or when you would secretly pick something up to eat on the way home so you won’t have to be subjected to her awful cooking? But now that you are single these are the very things that you miss. Life is crazy.

It’s funny how you never know what you will miss once you become single. Most people think it’s having someone to share the bills with or helping with the kids, but sometimes it’s the little things that actually use to annoy the hell out of your ass! Go figure?

When you’re single you start to think about all of the little things that you miss about being in a relationship. Like when you had a long hard day at work and as soon as you walk through the door you mate already knows without you saying a word. Or watching your favorite movie together, or having that cup of Starbuck’s coffee on Sundays and just chilling together. Or like having him warm up your car on the cold days so you won’t have to sit in a cold car. Or having her lay out your lucky suit for your big interview.

But after thinking about all of this you remember why you two are no longer together and then thank God for being single!!

I’m just saying!!

C Double R

When Do You Give Full Disclosure About Yourself When You Start Dating Someone New??

This question is directed to both men and women. When do you completely disclose yourself to someone new that you started dating? After the second date, the first date to get it out of the way? Or after you know that the person has fallen for you and use that as leverage when you completely reveal yourself to them?

Men, when would you want to know that the woman you are dating is a virgin (I know it is rare, but yes there are still some virgin adult women in the world)? Or that she is a stripper or have 6 kids by five different men, after the first date or the 5th date?

Ladies when would you want to know that the man you are dating is an ex-con? Or have a terminal illness or is a recovering alcoholic or drug user, after the first date or the fifth date?

Most generally believe it boils down to the comfort level of the relationship. For instance if a man has no real interest in a woman, besides her ass or pretty face then his only goal is to hit it and then split or just use her as his physical pleasure toy, therefore, he’s not really interested in revealing too much about himself to her or having her reveal too much about herself to him. Same with a woman, if she is only dating a man for his money she’s not interested in revealing herself to him or vice versa, as long as he keeps the money flowing all is good in the neighborhood.

Now on the other hand, when you meet someone that you are really feeling, on all levels, when do you let the skeletons out of the closet? Is there such a thing as perfect timing or you just do it when you see fit? Most women know straight from the gate if they really want to get serious with a man. And most men know if they have a real connection with a woman from the gate. So again, when do you give full disclosure about yourself to that new person in your life? Inquiring minds what to know.

I personally like full disclosure from the gate. One, it shows me that you respect me enough to be completely honest with me. Two, it shows me that you feel a connection with me and you are comfort enough to disclose yourself to me completely. And three, it lets me know that for the most part, you don’t have nothing to hide, which wins major points in my book because I find honesty very sexy!
So, when do you give full disclosure to someone that you are dating?

I’m just saying,

C Double R!!

Keeping it Real – When Does It Turn Into Arrogance and Rudeness?

I am not a fake person. So basically, I am not going to hang around you, if I am not feeling you. I am not going to smile in your face then talk itsh behind your back, I just won’t mess with you. Period! Some people don’t understand that and mistakenly take that as being arrogant, but it is what it is with me. Question; why would you ask me to be your Facebook friend and when I see you face to face you barely want to speak to me? WTF? Are you kidding me?

Now I don’t go overboard with it. I am not mean about it, I am just truthful about it, For instance, I have a friend and he told me he met this woman that he was obviously attracted to, or else he would not have tried to crack on her. So while they are having a phone conversation she suggested that he gets an apartment in her part of town, since he is from out of town and could afford to do so, he immediately blurts out “Oh no, I don’t do the hood”. He told me he hasn’t heard from her since. Now to me, that is being insensitive. He could have explained in a better way why he didn’t feel comfortable getting an apartment in that part of town instead of being so blunt.

I know how to get my point across most of the time without being insensitive. Sometimes you may have to tweak your response so you don’t come off too harsh, but at the same time the person understands what you are saying. I believe it is a difference between sugar coating and carefully choosing your words. Again, sugar coating is for food not conversations.

I don’t like it when keeping it real turns into arrogance and rudeness. Now in some situations you do have to dig into your rude bag when the person just don’t get the point after you repeatedly stated your case. But those are in extreme situations.

And on another note, stop requesting things from others when you aren’t practicing those same needs for yourself. Another example, the same person who said he doesn’t do the hood also is very adamant about just dating dime pieces, not just the physically the whole package. She must be fione, built, educated and independent, but most importantly she MUST be a trophy on his arm. Now this brotha is not a bad looking guy, but could stand to lose about 30 pounds in his stomach alone and maybe a little dental work as well. So my point is don’t request and expect what you can’t offer yourself, especially when you have the means to do so!!!

Hell, I am just saying…

C Double R.

Set Realistic Goals not B.S. Resolutions for the New Year!!!

Resolution is defined as a firm determination. Meaning you are determined to lose 40 pounds, you are determined to find a new job, you are determined to step up your game this year, etc. Note to self, if you have been making the same resolutions every year and not accomplishing them then the likelihood that you are truly determined is non-existing. Basically you are bullshitting yourself into believing the hype. What do you think, the Resolution Fairy will fly down and grant you your wishes? Wake the hell up people!!! If you want to make something happen then you have to make it happen!! Period!!

A resolution is more than just writing things down on a piece of paper then tucking it away in a safe place hoping that things will change on there own. Resolutions consist of not only writing down your goals, but having a plan for your goals; steps on how to achieve these goals are a must. I have been writing down my goals since 2005 and setting up a plan to achieve these goals, and I must say I have achieved every goal I have set out to do since 2006.

I think if you are truly passionate about what you want to achieve you will find a way to make it happen. You have to get out there and make it happen. If you don’t achieve your goal the first time you set out to do it doesn’t mean give up on your goal and stop trying to achieve it. If you believe it and can see it then damn it you can achieve it! Stay focused and make sure you have a solid plan to achieve your goals. They may not happen when you want them to happen, but I guarantee you if you stay focus it will happen.

You just have to believe and stay focused. And people please make reasonable and obtainable goals not some fairytale itsh! Like I want to meet and marry a millionaire, I want to win the Powerball, or I want a Bentley when you make 30k a year. I mean, seriously! STOP!! Be realistic and really think about what you want out of life and go out there and get it. Let’s make 2010 the most productive year of our lives, that’s what I am aiming for.

I’m just saying!!!!


C Double R

Double Standards!!!!!

Why is it that a man can sleep around with a bunch of women and be called “The Man”, but when a woman does it she is called a “Hoe”? Why is it when a man is in charge or the boss he is called the “HNIC” but when the woman is in charge she is called “The Bitch”? Why is it that when a man handles his business he is looked at as a good catch, but when a woman is doing her own thang and handling her business she’s looked at as “She thinks she’s the man that’s why she doesn’t have one!” Why? Why? Why?

Now far as the sleeping around thang, I kinda get that. But it’s amazing that men want to sleep with these kind of women, but don’t want to marry these kind of women. But when a woman marries this kind of man they think that they have done the impossible, tamed a beast? So women, take heed! I agree with Steve Harvey, “Act Like a Lady But Think Like a Man!!” But far as the boss lady and the independent woman, what’s up with that? We work just as hard, if not harder than a man to get our titles and our possessions so why can’t we get the same kind of respect?

Why is it that a man doesn’t want to commit to a relationship, but wants you to commit to him? I’m just saying. Why is it that a man doesn’t want to take care of a woman, but feel inferior when she can take care of herself? Why is it that a man wants a woman to take charge in the bedroom, but not in the boardroom? Wellll… Or here’s the killer, a man can have five kids by five different women, but look down on women who have more than one baby father? WTF???

I have my own opinions on this but I need the Fellas to talk to a sista?????????????????????

C Double R

The Art of Forgiveness!!!

I must admit this is a craft that I am still mastering. People kill me when they say you should forgive and forget and move on!! Seriously, is it really that easy?? I think you can forgive, but some things you will never forget, period!! You can try your best to not think about it, but you will never forget.

I must admit I have come a long way when it comes to the art of forgiveness, but I haven’t completed my travels just yet. I can forgive if the person is forthcoming with his or her wrongdoing. However, if I get a hunch and ask the person and they lie to me and I find out later that they lied about their transgressions this is when I have a major problem with forgiveness. Listen, if I am asking you to come clean then that means I am prepared to listen to the truth and I can handle the truth. I know alot of people say this and don’t mean it, but I can assure you if I am asking then I can handle it!

So this is where I have a problem with forgiveness, because if you’re only admitting to the truth because you got caught and not because you came clean on your own, I have a major problem with your sincerity. Are you now admitting your transgressions because you really feel guilty or because you got caught in a lie?

Outside of this, I think I am pretty good when it comes to forgiveness. I know that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes. But my motto is, “You can’t change, what you don’t acknowledge.” And when you are forced to acknowledge your mistakes then your sincerity becomes questionable??

I’m just saying…

Head of House- Should it be the Woman or the Man or Both?

I had a very interesting conversation the other day, so of course I had to write about it, so here it goes…

I was having a conversation with a friend in regards when Barack Obama was running for the presidency. I had made mention to the fact that when Barack was on Oprah over 4 years ago and he was thinking about running for the presidency Michelle stated that this had to be a family decision because it will change the dynamics of their family and she had a career to think about too. The other party whom I was speaking to immediately stated that’s bull and the final decision is Barack’s regardless if Michelle agrees or not, however, he then went on to say he would need her full support?? WTF!! Then the other party stated the final decision should be Barack’s, who is the man of the house, period! So I shot back, that’s why they are still married because they discuss important decisions as a family unit, not independently!

So, I ask the question when it comes to important decisions for the household who should make the decision, the man of the house, the woman of the house or should it be a joined decision?

I’m just saying..

C Double R

Internet Love - Fake or Real???

I know this is the age of technology and there are hundreds of match making sites, as well as social websites, Myspace, Facebook, Matchmaker.com, EHarmony.com, even Sugardaddie.com. I know that a fair share of new relationships, friendships and marriages were form because of these sites. I must admit not only have I met new friends, but I also have reconnected with old childhood friends and classmates. However, I still prefer to meet my “mate” the old fashion way, in person, not thru a modem.

I believe that internet dating is more accepted today than ten years ago. Ten years ago if someone met their mate online, it was perceived as a desperate move, as if they couldn’t meet anyone in person. Or others viewed people who participated in internet dating as losers or people who pretended to be someone that they weren’t so they could get a date because they couldn’t get one in person.
I believe internet dating could also be used as a meat market. Think about it, you have access to thousands of individuals, so my thought is if you’re hollering at me, who’s to say that you’re not hollering at hundred other women at the same time (especially with instant messaging)? I think it could also be perceived as a place for women and men to run game and basically try to get away with it. So my question is, “How can you tell if someone is sincere?” I have noticed on some social sites men try to crack on you and try their best to act as if they are only trying to holler at you, but then you go to your friend’s page and they have a million flirtatious comments under their picture? WTF???

Again, if this works for you, then by all means go for it. I actually have a friend who met her husband online and they are happily married and now have a beautiful child together. So it works for some, but not for all. Unfortunately, I don’t think I could ever take internet dating serious, because I just think there are too many guys out there trying to run game by hiding behind the computer. I take my chances via the supermarket, a social outing, park, or just in passing.

I just saying….

C Double R!!!

The Forbidden Fruit- Why Do We Always Want What We Know is Bad for Us?

Why do we go for that extra slice of cake knowing darn well we’ll be complaining about it later when we step on the scale? Or why do we gamble with our rent money, kid’s college fund or life savings? Why do we risk our marriage just for one night of good sex? Why do we have unprotected sex with people we barely know, knowing the risk that we are taking? Why do we always want what we know is not good for us? Is it for the thrill of it all? Or is it to see if we can really get away with it? Or is it as simple as living in the moment?

I have asked several of my friends this question and no one really had a valid answer. So I started to ponder the question even further. The best reason I came up with is that people simply live in the moment and do not think about the consequences of their actions. Think about it. Do you really think that someone would gamble away their kid’s college fund if they truly weighed the consequences? I don’t think so. Do you think a man or a woman would really risk their marriage, especially if they are happy, for a one night stand if they truly weighed the consequences? I don’t think so.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where we want what we want when we want it and we don’t see, hear or think about anything else during that moment. When you add in the huge amount of temptations out there, being strong can be a mutha!! Even Dr. Martin Luther King felled to temptation by cheating on his wife. Even Evangelists felled to temptation because of greed. Even Magic Johnson felled to temptation, having unprotected sex which caused him to be infected with the virus HIV. These men knew the risk and the probable outcome of their actions, but this didn’t stop them. How can one explain this?

I also believe timing and circumstances play a major role in wanting the forbidden fruit. You can take the most faithful man there is, but if you catch him at the wrong time (some may think at the right time) he too can get got, it only takes a minute to make the wrong decision and it can happen to the best of us. But my question is what about the repeat offenders, the ones that just don’t give a fuck and repeatedly taste the forbidden fruit. Shit they pick the forbidden fruit so much they can make fruit salad on the regular basis! Do they do it because they are constantly getting away with it, they haven’t been punished for their actions, or they just don’t give a shit?

I think we all have tasted the forbidden fruit in some capacity. So think back to a time when you did taste the forbidden fruit and ask yourself why did you do that and please share with us, because I want to know.

Fruit for thought!!

C Double R!!

Cougarville- Older Women Younger Men

Ok, there seems to be a fad going on, which is older women dating younger men and they are called “Cougars”. A Cougar is defined as a woman who is 40 plus years of age who date men at least 10 years her junior. There’s Vivica Fox, Demi Moore, Madonna, Angie Stone (who has been doing this for years) and now Toni Braxton, just to name a few. So the question is, “Is this really just a fad or a new way of life for women?”


I typically have and always preferred to date older men. My ex husband was almost 10 years my senior. I also felt a sense of security when I dated an older man. However, I did experiment once with a younger guy. I can’t call myself a Cougar because I am not 40 yet ( 2 months and counting) but this guy was 6 years my junior, he was 31 and I was 37 and I found him to be very immature mentally. It could have been his field of work, he was a professional athlete, and he referred to women as “chicks” and we won’t discuss is vernacular, he put the “E” in Ebonics. I guess that just wasn’t my cup of tea or maybe he just wasn’t my cup of tea?

I am not saying I would not be opposed to dating a younger man, but he would definitely have to have his stuff together. Let’s face it, there are a lot of younger guys out there that are on the ball. But the question is how do men feel about getting serious with an older woman? Seems like it is working out fine with Demi and Ashton, they have been together for years now, but let’s face it, they are not your typical “Cougar” relationship.

Men are physical creatures, so if a man does date or get serious with an older woman, it’s going to be a lot of pressure on the woman to stay fit and keep herself looking the same way she did when they first met. Let’s face it, there is a lot of competition out there and dating a younger man only add more pressure on the woman, just keeping it real!

I have a friend who married a woman 8 years his senior and initially the relationship was great. She was a very attractive woman and he was a very attractive man, but he was always more outgoing than she was and as time went on this became a major flaw in their relationship. When the wife became more settled in her ways as she got older and her body started changing, this became a major problem for him because we’re talking about a man who is a very physical creature when it comes to women. They ultimately divorced after 10 years of marriage.

So my question is, “If you truly love someone, should it matter how old they are (as long as they are of legal age)?” Let’s face it, true love is a hard thing to come by and I wouldn’t want to pass up love just because someone is 10 years my junior. There are a million other reasons to pass up love and this isn’t one of them. We are living in a new day and era. Women are definitely taking control of their lives and doing the damn thang, it’s no longer an All Boys Club! So I say let’s go Cougars!!! I ain’t mad at cha!!!!

I’m just saying….



C Double R