Why in the Hell Men and Women Don’t Understand Each Other?? – Communication

There is actually a logical reason why men and women do not understand each other when it comes to communication. According to Deborah Tannen, sociolinguist, and author of “Can We Talk” provides a clearer understanding why this is so. Per Tannen:

"For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with."

She goes on to say:

"Women want men to do what we want. We want them to want to do what we want, because that's what we do. If a woman perceives that something she's doing is really hurting a man, she wants to stop doing it. If she perceives that he really wants her to do something, she wants to do it. She thinks that that's love and he should feel the same way about her. But men have a gut-level resistance to doing what they're told, to doing what someone expects them to do. It's the opposite response of what women have." She reminds readers that, of course, there are men who are very helpful toward their women. "But if a man is going to be touchy, it's more likely to go in that direction. Whereas if a woman is insecure, she's more likely to go in the other direction, [and] be super- accommodating."

I have to agree. Women are emotional creatures and we like to express ourselves through words, whereas men are the opposite. Men like to keep talk to a minimum, they usually only like to discuss what is absolutely necessary and nothing more. So the next time your woman is trying to have a conversation with you, amuse her and join in and don’t act bored. Trust me, there are plenty of things we don’t like to do but as Tannen stated if we think it is something that you what us to do then we do it, not for us, but for you!

But a little advice to the women, don’t try to talk to your man during the game. This is the absolute worst time to try to talk to your man. Shit most men could care less about sex during these few hours the game is on. The best time is during pillow talk, right after you just finished serving him, because this is the time when most men are open to converse, especially if you laid it on his ass WELL!!!
I hope this shed a little light on that age old problem between men and women.

But I will ask you do you agree or disagree?

Food for thought!

C Double R

Question for the Ladies and the Men: Do you believe in “Soul Mates”?

The term soul mate means many different things. These are souls that you have experienced with in past, parallel or future lifetimes. They can also be aspects of your soul experiencing at this time in another body. We are all multidimensional beings, your soul having experiences, in many realities, at the same time. As we all evolve from the same source of consciousness creation, we could say that we are all soul mates in a manner of speaking.
Soul mate is sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and/or compatibility. Soul mates can have various types of relationships, which do not always include romantic love. They can be close friends, co-workers, a teacher, anyone who influences your life one way or another. They play the emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental, games of third dimension with you. They can affect relationships in a positive or negative way depending on the emotional issues of the people concerned.
Souls often come together to work out issues or play reverse roles than that which they are experiencing elsewhere.
Anyone who is in your biological family, or adopted family, or pseudo-family, is a soul mate to you.
You feel closer to certain souls, because you have attracted them into your life as they are on the same frequency as you or because you want to work out issues with them.

** I am not sure if I personally believe in “Soul Mates”. However, I do believe everyone is brought into our lives for a reason and some are brought into our lives for a “specific” reason, it is up to us to figure out the reason and learn and grow from it** Isn’t that right Double D:)
Food for thought!

C Double R!

You Can’t Force a Man to Change! Period!

Today’s topic is all about change! Ladies, have you ever met that man and all you can say is “ Damn, he would be a good man only if..”? If he wasn’t such a womanizer, more caring, more giving, not so uptight, etc. One thing I’ve learned is that people will change because of one or two reasons; when there are ready to change or when they are forced to change. Example, if a man gets tired of sleeping with different women every night and having meaningless sex then he will eventually change his habits. If a man loses something that he really, truly cares about but doesn’t realizes it until after the fact, then he is forced to change, that’s if he doesn’t want the same results. Because only a fool continues to do the same thing and expect a different result!

Sometimes we have to let people learn and grow on their own and from their own mistakes and stop trying to force people to change. The bottom line is; if they don’t change for themselves then it’s just a temporary fix to a lifetime problem. Now, if a man truly wants to change then he will change when he is ready to change, not because someone else wants him to change.

Unfortunately, most people, especially men, don’t change until something detrimental in their life happens that forces them to change. If you have a man who is constantly throwing shade to those who he thinks is not on his level because they don’t roll like he roll, with the fancy car, big house, flashy clothes and the women, when he loses his job or doe and can no longer afford those fancy cars, clothes and women, he will think twice before he throw shade again. This kind of thing can change a man’s perception on life. Or, if you have a man who takes his wife for granted until she finally leaves him, that will make him think twice about what’s important to him and what is a priority to him in life.

I had a good friend once tell me that it’s one thing to hurt yourself, but when you hurt someone that you truly love that shit hurts like a mutha. This made them re-evaluate themselves and it forced them to take a deep dark look into the mirror and literally start making changes with the person in the mirror. They did this because they never wanted to hurt another person like that ever again in life especially when it is because of their own greed.

Bottom line is, you can’t make or force a person to change. A person has to change on their own and at their own pace. So you should either accept or reject that person as is, if you don’t have the patience to wait for them to change on their own. One thing for sure, two things for certain, if he really cares about you he will change own his own to keep you or he will be forced to change after you leave his ass because you had enough of his shit!!

I’m just saying.

C Double R

Whatever You Do I Can Do Better- The Me Too Chick!

Hey Fellas, have you ever met that woman who no matter what you tell her she can always top your story? If you say, I had an issue at work today, and she says me too and 20 people got fired behind it! If you say, I am not feeling well, and she says me too, I had to be rushed to the emergency room with a police escort today! Or if you say that you got a lot going on right now and she says me too, my little brother has cancer, mom just got ran over by a bus, and I just found out that my uncle is my father! It’s like whatever you are going through, no matter how big or small it is, she is going through the exact same thing, but on a much deeper level. You can’t even gripe in peace or alone for that matter.

Her issues always gotta be much bigger than the next person. If you said you ran 3 miles, she’ll say she ran 5 miles. If you said you’re planning a trip to the island, she’s planning a trip to Paris, knowing damn well her ass aint going nowhere outside of the city, let alone the states, but she just gotta do one better than you. In the beginning you didn’t realize that she was this type of woman. You probably thought damn this woman just have bad luck, good luck or whatever, but after awhile you’re like wait a minute, this bitch is crazy! Then you start asking yourself, was she neglected as a child, was she the ugly child no one wanted to play with, or did she always wanted to be an actress, but couldn’t cut it?

Then the crazy part is she forgets her damn lies. When you ask her about her brother with cancer she looks at you like you have twelve heads then she says what brother I don’t have no brother. When you ask her about her trip to Paris, she always comes up with excuses to postpone it. Or when you ask her about her uncle/father she says she never met her father and you’re like WTF!!

So now that you know this woman craves attention you just like fucking with her. So you start telling her crazy shit like, I am going on this special assignment for my job where we have to inspect the moon. Then she comes back with, “Me too, they are offering that same program at my job and I signed up for it” Or you tell her that you starred in commercials when you were a kid and she says, “I was a child actor too”, and you’re thinking to yourself that’s why you’re so fucked up!
Don’t get me wrong she can really be a sweet person, but just a person that craves attention. Most men are willing to tolerate this kind of fictitious behavior especially if she is giving them good sex. Shit she can claim to be Beyonce’s cousin who sings background as long as she is doing her thang in the bedroom, shoot she can be Harriet Tubman reincarnated.

The point is, some people crave attention so bad that they will do and say anything to get it. To me this is a key sign that something is truly missing in this person’s life. Which brings me back to be true to yourself, and if others don’t like it then to hell with them and just do you! If people can’t accept you for who you are then do allow them to accept you at all!
I’m just saying…

C Double R.

Letter to my Sistas!

Ladies, I know I write about all types of women on my blog; the selfish, the greedy, the vain, the bold, the independent and everything in between. But today I want to speak to ALL of my sistas. Throughout my life I have come across quite a few women who don’t recognize their self worth. I am talking about educated woman, uneducated, professional, non-professional, woman from the hood to the suburbs. I wanted to express the different backgrounds because it doesn’t matter what background you come from this recognition problem seems to affect all types of women.

I don’t know if this is a learned behavior or an innate behavior. I do know that most people are a product of their environment. Now it depends on how you look at your environment. Are you a person that looks at your environment and knows it’s fucked up and you decide to take another route so you won’t be fucked up too? Or are you the type of person who just roll with the status quo? I believe it’s all about your make up. But it also has to do with how you were raised as a child. For example, if you had people constantly telling you, you aint going to be shit all your life as a child, one or two things are going to happen, you are going to believe it and prove them right, or you are going to show them that you are worthy and prove them wrong? So which is it, a learned behavior or an innate behavior?

I just believe once we truly understand that we all have a purpose in life that’s when we can truly understand our self worth. So don’t let others tell you your worth, go out and discover your worth yourself. After all, the only person that has to live with you 24/7 is you!!

Always remind yourself that you are worthy and if others can’t see your self-worth then they don’t deserve to reap the benefits of your worth. We, as humans, have the tendency to have others define us, instead of defining ourselves. We have the tendency to try to impress others instead of trying to impress ourselves.

It’s funny when I say to people that I want to lose 10 pounds, because the first thing that they say is girl you look good to me or girl you don’t need to lose no weight. But the thing is, I appreciate the compliments, but I don’t want to lose weight for them I want to lose weight for Chanel! I brought those 4 inches stilettos because Chanel likes the way they look. I brought that sexy little dress because Chanel likes the way it fit. And as Katt Williams say, if you got 5 people hating on you today, it’s you’re job to make that 15 by the end of the year!!! Appreciate and know your worth ladies!!!!

Ladies, I’m just saying..

C Double R

Take a Picture It Last Longer- The I Know I’m Too Beautiful Chick

Fellas, have you ever met that banging Sista? I mean, fine as hell, body like a Goddess, truly flawless, a true dime piece? Everywhere you go she turns heads, men and women. She’s like E. F. Hutton when she steps into the room everything stops. She’s the showstopper and the trophy on your arm whenever you two are together. You think to yourself damn, I hit the jackpot, can’t nobody touch my baby, not even Halle Berry.

You run and tell all your boys about her, how fine she is and how everybody is jealous of you because you have the baddest chick everywhere you go. You keep a thousand pictures of her in your wallet, on your phone, computer, and desk at work, shit you might even wear her around your neck on a chain. Every time someone asks is this your lady you break out into a big ass Kool-Aide smile and say yes. Then you admit to yourself, damn I never thought I could get a woman this beautiful, fine and sexy. You feel like you’re in heaven until you really get to know her and you say to yourself WTF have I gotten myself into!!!

I mean this chick can’t cook, clean, can’t hold an intelligent conversation unless it’s about her or the latest fashion, and sex, you can forget about sex! Every position messes up her hair, or she hates sweat and God forbid you smear her make up with a kiss. She only does missionary position because everything else is too risque and down- right nasty. She jumps up afterwards and takes a shower because she can’t stand being dirty, she doesn’t like to cuddle afterwards she just wants to fix herself up and look pretty again. WTF!! Who wants to deal with this bullshit? Yeah she may be fine, but she sure aint sexy in the bedroom, you might have more fun having sex with a blow up doll!

When it comes to cooking, are you kidding me?? This chick thinks throwing a microwave meal together is gourmet cooking, and you’re lucky if you get that twice a week because the rest of the week she expects you to take her out to a fine restaurant. In the beginning this was cool because you wanted to show her off to the public and make the other men jealous, but now you know the real deal and you’re constantly walking around with a woody because she aint giving you none, you’re like the hell with that shit. After awhile that beauty shit wears off and so does your tolerance for the bull. Every man wants a beautiful woman, but what good is it to have a beautiful woman if she doesn’t have any substance to her? I guess that’s why so many men are shock when they hear that an attractive woman can cook and shoot they feel like they really hit the jackpot if she is intelligent too.

So you ask, how can you detect this kind of woman? Well fellas, if and when you meet her she is staring at herself in anything that shows her reflection then she is I Know I’m Too Beautiful Chick. If she only talks about herself during your conversation then she is I Know I’m Too Beautiful Chick. If you only see her looking at the pictures in fashion magazines and never reading the articles then she is I Know I’m Too Beautiful Chick. If she thinks the Speaker of the House is the speaker to her stereo system at home and not Nancy Pelosi then she is I Know I’m Too Beautiful Chick. If you ask her if she knows how to sear fish and she responds I don’t go fishing I might break a nail then she is I Know I’m Too Beautiful Chick.

Some guys can tolerate this type of chick, especially if he is vain himself because vain people like to be around other vain people, let’s keep it real. They want to be each other’s showpiece. That’s what’s wrong with society everybody wants to focus on the exterior instead of focusing on the interior. One thing I have learned as I have gotten older is that the exterior fades but the interior is forever. So men, remember when you’re out there chasing the baddest chic if she doesn’t have any substance you have a shell of a woman, and what happens to shells? They crack and most of the time there’s nothing inside.

I’m just saying………

Peace,

C Double R

What!! You Are a Plumber and an Electrician – Looking for Mr. Fix It Chick

Hey Fellas, have you ever met that woman that is always utilizing you for your skills? Asking you can you come over, my toilet won’t flush? Can you take a look at my electric, my lights keep flickering? Can you check my brakes, they keep making a funny noise? Can you redo my kitchen floor, its warped? And in return she fixes you dinner, give you some nookie and keep your number on speed dial!
This is the woman who will not date a man if she doesn’t think he can benefit her in some way? He has to be handy like an electrician, plumber, mechanic, carpenter, shit even a barber if she got sons! If he aint useful then he aint worthy. This kind of woman scopes out men that can help her in some shape, form or fashion. She looks at it as barter. You do something for me and I will do something for you. You fix my sink, I’ll give you some food and drink. You fix my brakes I’ll kiss the snake. If you fix my floor I’ll show you the entrance to my bedroom door.
See Fellas, she doesn’t see anything wrong with this. Besides, you’re getting what you want and she is getting what she wants. Therefore, the both of you are getting satisfied. I’m just saying, recognize the game. Don’t think just because she constantly invites you over that she is really into you. Now ask yourself this question, “Every time you go to her house does she ask you to fix or look at something, while fried chicken is cooking on the stove and mac and cheese is baking in the oven? Or if there is nothing cooking does she come to the door in a skimpy outfit or better yet a towel wrapped around her saying she just stepped out the shower then asked you to look at something that is broke? Man this is part of the mental seduction so she can get what she really wants, which is her damn stove fixed!! Dummy!!
And you’re the same man who is going around bragging saying she is feeling you, because every time you go over to her house she got food ready for you or something sexy on. All the while not mentioning what you have to do to get that damn food and her! Some men are so easily distracted when it comes to a sexy woman and good ass food. Men, when will you learn to read between the lines? Now, if you do read between the lines and you’re cool with that, then so be it. But please don’t think just because a woman is doing all of this for you and to you that she is really into you! Remember women are some of the most conniving creatures walking the planet and we definitely know how to get what we want without you ever realizing it.
So you ask, how can you spot this woman? Well if the first question out of her mouth when you meet is, “So, what do you do?” and after you tell her what you do she starts bringing up topics pertaining to your work that seems to benefit her, then this is a sign. This doesn’t just apply to laborers such as mechanics, plumbers, and electricians, this also apply to you white collar brothas too. If you tell her that you are an attorney and she starts talking about her son Pookie is in jail because he got a raw deal and starts asking you for your help, then this is a sign. Or if you work in the office for a utility and she starts asking you can you help her with her bill, then this is a sign.
So Fellas, if you are all for the barter thang, then this may be the woman for you. She will feed you, give you some nookie and maybe the best head you ever had if you can be her Mr. Fix It!!!
I’m just saying….

Who Are You Calling Grandma? Old Head in Denial Chick

If you’re over 40 and just got your 1^st tattoo and it’s on your forearm, neck or wrist, you’re in denial. If you’re over 40 and still wearing 3 pairs of earrings, you’re in denial. If you’re 40-something and go to the clubs with your twenty-something daughter and her girlfriends you are in denial. If you’re 40 or over and still saying you’re trying to start your modeling career, you’re in denial.

This is usually a woman who was once fly, or thought she was fly in her hay day who now refuses to believe that she is not twenty anymore. She tends to date younger guys or date guys a couple years older than her and call them her “Suga Daddy” or “Old head”.

This woman tends to wear clothes that are two times too small. She usually shops in the Junior’s department as oppose to the Women’s department in the department stores. And yes, she watches every award show and reality show that comes on BET, MTV, and VH1.

Instead of keeping up with the Joneses she tries to keep up with the “Sheniquas”. She craves attention from the young bucks and tries to compete with the young girls. Yes, she loves the chicken wings from the corner Chinese store and wine coolers. She loves to keep her nails and hair did and tries to rock the latest fashions.

She still attends all of the rap shows and hangs out on the strip with the young bucks. She also embarrasses herself by trying to talk the latest street slang, not realizing that she sounds like a damn fool! She also tends to lie about her age, even if she doesn’t look her age she always takes the age thing a little too far. She could be 43 and look 30 but tries to pass herself off as 25!

She also wants to be her kids, especially her daughter’s girlfriend, and not their mother. She likes to keep herself in the present of young folks instead of folks her own age. Others see her as trying too hard, but she sees herself as a sexy young twenty-something!

She has very few girlfriends her age, and hardly no “real” friends. Most people see her as a joke. This kind of woman is usually from the hood and has spent most, if not, all of her life in the hood. She is always trying to prove how fly and how hip she is.

So men, you ask how can you detect this kind of woman, besides her appearance? If all she wants to talk about is the latest rap song, Jay Z, hating on Beyonce or know Lil Wayne’s rap songs word for word, she’s an old head in denial. If she rolls with a lot of young bucks, she is an old head in denial. If she eats chicken wings, pizza and burgers 6 days a week, and even prefers McDonald’s over a nice restaurant, she is definitely an old head in denial.

Hey, I’m just say……..

Question for my Ladies?

Ladies, when is it ok to give the new guy a break? Let me give you a mind’s visual. You meet a guy, he appears to be everything you’re looking for, secure financially, great personality, and all he wants to do (or claims) is make you happy. At what point do you give in and let him make you happy.

Unfortunately, I am a skeptic when it comes to men that seem a little too good to be true. I was always told if it sounds too good to be true then more than likely it is too good to be true. So my question is when do I allow this man to come into my life and try to make me happy?

I know the men are saying, “That’s what’s wrong with women, especially black women, we don’t recognize a good man when he is standing right in front of us.” My answer to all you men is, yes, most of you represent well, very well for the first 3 months or so, then soon after your representative leaves the building to never to be seen again. So I think I will definitely stick to the 90 day rule with this one. I feel as though, if the brotha is real and if he is all that he claims to be then it should be revealed in his actions. If he is displaying what he is saying then he is definitely a keeper. But if his walk don’t match is talk then he is full of sh*& and I am flushing it down the toilet.

I went to an interesting set on Saturday nite called Mars/Venus. It was a gathering of both men and women and we talked real sh*& when it came to male/female issues. The men asked the women questions that concerned them about women and women asked the men questions that concerned them about men. Then it was the Hot Topic question session, which could be answered by both men and women. At times it became very heated. Majority of the men questions were geared towards sex and most of the women questions had to deal with emotional issues. I left feeling the same way I came, men don’t know shi* about women and women will never understand that men have an insatiable desire for a variety of women. PERIOD!!

See, I am open minded and a realist. If this man happens to turn out to be all that he claims to be then I am willing to tolerant some of the male deficiencies, which is part of a man’s “make up”. However, some things that are intolerable are lack of honesty and loyalty. I have learned that if a man is loyal to you then he won’t lie to you. For loyalty encompasses honesty. Let me break it down so it can forever be broken. A man can be honest, but not loyal. But it is hard for a man to be loyal and not honest. See a man can cheat on you and be honest about it, but that doesn’t make him loyal. You feel me? Now, if a man is loyal then he won’t cheat on you because if he cheats then his ass is not loyal to you. Ladies, feel free to use that quote. But whatever you do always remember the difference between honesty and loyalty.

I need to find out if I am dealing with an honest man or a loyal man. That still remains to be seen. ’It’s been a month, so expect an update in two months to the day, October 17th to be exact!

Stay Tuned???

Peace,

C Double R

Sure We Can Just Be Friends! – Undercover Psycho Chick!!

This one is an extremely interesting one. This is the chick that when you meet her and you explain to her that you are not interested in a relationship, just looking for someone to kick it with and chill with from time to time, says she’s cool with that. She doesn’t stress you about your time and whereabouts. You can talk freely to her about other women and she even talks to you about other men that she is seeing, it’s a real comfortable situation because you can come and go as you please, you both understand that this is not an open relationship, this is just a “cool ass situation”.

This is the chick that you can go to the movies with, take trips with, go to events with, with no strings attached. You know her family, she knows yours, and everybody knows that you two aren’t a couple, you all are just cool like that. Now in your head you don’t think nothing of it and continue to do your thing when it comes to seeing other women and just doing “you”. All the while this “buddy” of yours, that we will call your “Homie, Lover Friend” is scheming her ass off to reel your ass in and the hopes that she will eventually make you all hers! Yes, fellas, this is the chick that you have been telling your innermost feelings to, who knows you inside out, you put your trust in this woman because you truly see her as just a close buddy and you feel comfortable confiding in her you most deepest thoughts. All the while she is taking mental notes and hanging on to your every word.

I have a male friend who had a friend just like this. He had known this woman for years and she knew basically everything about him, from his personal information (social security#, address, work information) family and friends. This guy started getting prank calls about 4 years ago and it had gotten so bad that he tried to have them traced but the phone company was giving him a hard time about tracing the calls, he needed to get a police report and specific dates and times and then they told him he needed something else, so at that point he didn’t pursue it any longer. Besides, he was going overseas for a year and he decided to deactivate his phone while he was away in the hopes that when he gets back that the prank calls will stop. However, when he came home and reactivated his phone 2 days later the prank calls started again. Not only was this person calling him, but they also started calling women that he frequently spoke to, including me. This person would call my phone through the nite and sometimes 10-15 times in a row. Over a 6 month period this person had called me over 300 times. So I told him he better do something about it or I would. So eventually he went through the process of having the calls traced and low and behold it came back as a woman that he had been close to and dealing with for over 5 years. A woman whom he thought he had an understanding with, someone he thought he was cool with and had told some of his deepest thoughts to. He couldn’t believe it. Of course when he confronted her she tried to deny it, but when he put the proof in her face she finally admitted to him she did it and said she did it because he told her that he would never be with her like that. Aint that some bull shiggity!!

Here is a man, who thought he had an ace boom coon and instead he had a crazy ass psycho on his hands that was not only harassing him, but his female friends too! After he told her he was going to press charges if she continued to call she stole his phone, cell phone bill and the police report, basically all of the evidence, from his house. Then to top it off the crazy ass threaten to wreck his shit, meaning his job, the man’s livelihood! All of this because a man just wants to be cool with you, but not your man! Sorry, but bitch get a grip!! Aint no man is worth you losing your sanity and freedom!

So fellas, be cautious when a woman is a little too willing to be buddy-buddy after you tell her that you are not looking for anything serious. I’m not saying that all women have an ulterior motive when they say that they are cool with this because some women are truly cool with that, and I am one of them. That’s just because I am not in the habit of keeping men that don’t want to be kept. I figure if you’re not interested in me on that level but we vibe on another level, why get rid of a good thing especially if both of you are cool with the status.

My advice to the fellas is let the woman know as soon as you know if this situation is not for you or if your just not looking for a relationship. After you tell her, make mental notes, look for any changes in her attitudes, does she display what she say? Does she gets an attitude or cuts you off when you talk about other women? Is she always trying to monopolize all of your time? Does she use sex as a negotiating device? Because if her demeanor changes and she aint displaying what she is saying than you better stop playing. Nip the shit in the bud and keep it moving because the longer you stay in that situation the higher the probability that you are getting your ass into something that you may not be able to get out!!!
Just food for thought!

C Double R