If you’re over 40 and just got your 1st tattoo and it’s on your forearm, neck or wrist, you’re in denial. If you’re over 40 and still wearing 3 pairs of earrings, you’re in denial. If you’re 40-something and go to the clubs with your twenty-something daughter and her girlfriends you are in denial.If you’re 40 or over and still saying you’re trying to start your modeling career, you’re in denial.
This is usually a woman who was once fly, or thought she was fly in her hay day who now refuses to believe that she is not twenty anymore. She tends to date younger guys or date guys a couple years older than her and call them her “Suga Daddy” or “Old head”.
This woman tends to wear clothes that are two times too small. She usually shops in the Junior’s department as oppose to the Women’s department in the department stores. And yes, she watches every award show and reality show that comes on BET, MTV, and VH1.
Instead of keeping up with the Joneses she tries to keep up with the “Sheniquas”. She craves attention from the young bucks and tries to compete with the young girls. Yes, she loves the chicken wings from the corner Chinese store and wine coolers. She loves to keep her nails and hair did and tries to rock the latest fashions.
She still attends all of the rap shows and hangs out on the strip with the young bucks. She also embarrasses herself by trying to talk the latest street slang, not realizing that she sounds like a damn fool! She also tends to lie about her age, even if she doesn’t look her age she always takes the age thing a little too far. She could be 43 and look 30 but tries to pass herself off as 25!
She also wants to be her kids, especially her daughter’s girlfriend, and not their mother. She likes to keep herself in the present of young folks instead of folks her own age. Others see her as trying too hard, but she sees herself as a sexy young twenty-something!
She has very few girlfriends her age, and hardly no “real” friends. Most people see her as a joke. This kind of woman is usually from the hood and has spent most, if not, all of her life in the hood. She is always trying to prove how fly and how hip she is.
So men, you ask how can you detect this kind of woman, besides her appearance? If all she wants to talk about is the latest rap song, Jay Z, hating on Beyonce or know Lil Wayne’s rap songs word for word, she’s an old head in denial. If she rolls with a lot of young bucks, she is an old head in denial. If she eats chicken wings, pizza and burgers 6 days a week, and even prefers McDonald’s over a nice restaurant, she is definitely an old head in denial.
Ladies, when is it ok to give the new guy a break? Let me give you a mind’s visual. You meet a guy, he appears to be everything you’re looking for, secure financially, great personality, and all he wants to do (or claims) is make you happy. At what point do you give in and let him make you happy.
Unfortunately, I am a skeptic when it comes to men that seem a little too good to be true. I was always told if it sounds too good to be true then more than likely it is too good to be true. So my question is when do I allow this man to come into my life and try to make me happy?
I know the men are saying, “That’s what’s wrong with women, especially black women, we don’t recognize a good man when he is standing right in front of us.” My answer to all you men is, yes, most of you represent well, very well for the first 3 months or so, then soon after your representative leaves the building to never to be seen again. So I think I will definitely stick to the 90 day rule with this one. I feel as though, if the brotha is real and if he is all that he claims to be then it should be revealed in his actions. If he is displaying what he is saying then he is definitely a keeper. But if his walk don’t match is talk then he is full of sh*& and I am flushing it down the toilet.
I went to an interesting set on Saturday nite called Mars/Venus. It was a gathering of both men and women and we talked real sh*& when it came to male/female issues. The men asked the women questions that concerned them about women and women asked the men questions that concerned them about men. Then it was the Hot Topic question session, which could be answered by both men and women. At times it became very heated. Majority of the men questions were geared towards sex and most of the women questions had to deal with emotional issues. I left feeling the same way I came, men don’t know shi* about women and women will never understand that men have an insatiable desire for a variety of women. PERIOD!!
See, I am open minded and a realist. If this man happens to turn out to be all that he claims to be then I am willing to tolerant some of the male deficiencies, which is part of a man’s “make up”. However, some things that are intolerable are lack of honesty and loyalty. I have learned that if a man is loyal to you then he won’t lie to you. For loyalty encompasses honesty. Let me break it down so it can forever be broken. A man can be honest, but not loyal. But it is hard for a man to be loyal and not honest. See a man can cheat on you and be honest about it, but that doesn’t make him loyal. You feel me? Now, if a man is loyal then he won’t cheat on you because if he cheats then his ass is not loyal to you. Ladies, feel free to use that quote. But whatever you do always remember the difference between honesty and loyalty.
I need to find out if I am dealing with an honest man or a loyal man. That still remains to be seen. ’It’s been a month, so expect an update in two months to the day, October 17th to be exact!
This one is an extremely interesting one. This is the chick that when you meet her and you explain to her that you are not interested in a relationship, just looking for someone to kick it with and chill with from time to time, says she’s cool with that. She doesn’t stress you about your time and whereabouts. You can talk freely to her about other women and she even talks to you about other men that she is seeing, it’s a real comfortable situation because you can come and go as you please, you both understand that this is not an open relationship, this is just a “cool ass situation”.
This is the chick that you can go to the movies with, take trips with, go to events with, with no strings attached. You know her family, she knows yours, and everybody knows that you two aren’t a couple, you all are just cool like that. Now in your head you don’t think nothing of it and continue to do your thing when it comes to seeing other women and just doing “you”. All the while this “buddy” of yours, that we will call your “Homie, Lover Friend” is scheming her ass off to reel your ass in and the hopes that she will eventually make you all hers! Yes, fellas, this is the chick that you have been telling your innermost feelings to, who knows you inside out, you put your trust in this woman because you truly see her as just a close buddy and you feel comfortable confiding in her you most deepest thoughts. All the while she is taking mental notes and hanging on to your every word.
I have a male friend who had a friend just like this. He had known this woman for years and she knew basically everything about him, from his personal information (social security#, address, work information) family and friends. This guy started getting prank calls about 4 years ago and it had gotten so bad that he tried to have them traced but the phone company was giving him a hard time about tracing the calls, he needed to get a police report and specific dates and times and then they told him he needed something else, so at that point he didn’t pursue it any longer. Besides, he was going overseas for a year and he decided to deactivate his phone while he was away in the hopes that when he gets back that the prank calls will stop. However, when he came home and reactivated his phone 2 days later the prank calls started again. Not only was this person calling him, but they also started calling women that he frequently spoke to, including me. This person would call my phone through the nite and sometimes 10-15 times in a row. Over a 6 month period this person had called me over 300 times. So I told him he better do something about it or I would. So eventually he went through the process of having the calls traced and low and behold it came back as a woman that he had been close to and dealing with for over 5 years. A woman whom he thought he had an understanding with, someone he thought he was cool with and had told some of his deepest thoughts to. He couldn’t believe it. Of course when he confronted her she tried to deny it, but when he put the proof in her face she finally admitted to him she did it and said she did it because he told her that he would never be with her like that. Aint that some bull shiggity!!
Here is a man, who thought he had an ace boom coon and instead he had a crazy ass psycho on his hands that was not only harassing him, but his female friends too! After he told her he was going to press charges if she continued to call she stole his phone, cell phone bill and the police report, basically all of the evidence, from his house. Then to top it off the crazy ass threaten to wreck his shit, meaning his job, the man’s livelihood! All of this because a man just wants to be cool with you, but not your man! Sorry, but bitch get a grip!! Aint no man is worth you losing your sanity and freedom!
So fellas, be cautious when a woman is a little too willing to be buddy-buddy after you tell her that you are not looking for anything serious. I’m not saying that all women have an ulterior motive when they say that they are cool with this because some women are truly cool with that, and I am one of them. That’s just because I am not in the habit of keeping men that don’t want to be kept. I figure if you’re not interested in me on that level but we vibe on another level, why get rid of a good thing especially if both of you are cool with the status.
My advice to the fellas is let the woman know as soon as you know if this situation is not for you or if your just not looking for a relationship. After you tell her, make mental notes, look for any changes in her attitudes, does she display what she say? Does she gets an attitude or cuts you off when you talk about other women? Is she always trying to monopolize all of your time? Does she use sex as a negotiating device? Because if her demeanor changes and she aint displaying what she is saying than you better stop playing. Nip the shit in the bud and keep it moving because the longer you stay in that situation the higher the probability that you are getting your ass into something that you may not be able to get out!!! Just food for thought!
Fellas, have you ever met that cool ass woman? Attractive, independent, down to earth, gets along with everybody and young women look up to her. She is admired by other women and men. She has been through it all, but here she stands, tall and dignified, looking flawless. When you meet this woman you can’t understand why she is single. She has everything to offer, but for some reason no one has scooped her up. Is it because she set her standards too high? Is it that she is just too damn busy for a relationship? Is it because she hasn’t met a man willing to keep it 100% real? It could be one or it could be all of the above reasons.
Fellas listen to me, for I am the woman that I just described. Most women who fit this classification are just tired. Period. We have experienced the high and the lows, the good and the bad, and we have to fight for everything we have with tooth and nail. When you constantly have to battle for everything it becomes a daunting task just to put yourself out there just to met another brotha who refuses to keep it 100% real.
When I do meet a man the first thing that I am asked is, “Why are you singled?” My truthful answer is probably because I haven’t met anyone that gets me. Period. I guess I am a cross between the Independent Chick, Keeping it Real Chick, and when I am in a relationship I will definitely be the Ride or Die Chick. It’s amazing sometimes when I met guys and I let them know from the gate that I don’t do lies. If you are married, broke, live with your momma and have three kids, or gay, I want to know. See Fellas, most of you have that bad habit which is a fatal flaw, LYING! Believe it or not most women want to know the truth, but very few can handle the truth, it’s a difference. I have been told I am a rare breed because I want to know the truth and I can definitely handle the truth. See, because at this point the man is giving me the option, not forcing me into a situation unbeknownst to me. I can truly appreciate a truthful brotha; in fact, I find that down right sexy. Now just because you are truthful don’t mean we are going to hit it off and run off and get married, but it lets me know that you’re a brotha that can put it out there no holds barred and let the chips fall where they may. The problem is, most men will and have tried to test me and they found themselves cut, with the quickness. Oh yeah, I have met the ones who tried to play the games and found themselves on the outside looking in. I have zero tolerance for the lies and the bullshit. If I keep it real with you, I expect for you to keep it real with me.
So you ask, “How do you know if a woman really wants to know the truth?” Test her. If she says she doesn’t mind that you have 5 kids then let her meet your 5 kids and take a day trip and you will know if she is straight up. If she says she doesn’t mind that you’re unemployed, time will tell if this shit really bothers her. If she says she doesn’t mind that you have the body of Atlas, but your penis hangs like a light switch, you will know, trust, a woman can only fake so many orgasms. And if after all of this, she doesn’t change then she is a woman who really wants to know the truth and can handle the truth. Again, this woman is a rare breed, but they do exist.
I believe your experiences in life, along with age, molds what type of person you will eventually become in life. I am a realist and allergic to bullshit. I am also very in touch with my woman’s intuition, that’s definitely a gift from God. I can get a vibe about a man almost instantaneously; maybe that’s why I’m single. (Smile).. So fellas, I say this to say if you are truly feeling a woman and truly want something to happen with this woman, then keep it real! If she is the one for you then she will be the one for you, regardless what you tell her, as long as you keep it real. I know plenty of men thinking about coulda, woulda and shouldas, because they couldn’t keep it real with their lady.
Men, there are women out there who want to know the truth and can handle the truth, the question is, are you willing to offer the truth?
I wanted to do something a little different with this posting. I wanted to post the lyrics to one of my favorite Mary J. Blige's song, " Father in You". So fellas, I hope you check out the lyrics and really understand the words and maybe it will help you understand why all women need a man.
Peace,
C Double R
Father In You lyrics
Can I talk to you, baby
When I was a little girl I didn't have a father And that's why I'm leaning on you.. When I was a baby I didn't get a hug from daddy That's why I need a hug from you..
Ohh, It's not easy and I thank you for putting up with me When you don't have a daddy's love
To say that you... To say that I'm your little girl (Are his little girl, Oh why didn't you love me) And give you the love..(I need love yeah yeah yeah) you really deserve (And i believe I deserve it And that's why
[chorus] That's why I need, The father in you (I need the father in you, baby) That's why I need, (Please don't hurt me please) The father in you That's why I need (Oh that's why) The father in you (Really need you) That's why I need (Please be true) The father in you
Oh, things got bad, to the point Where mommy couldn't hold us down And that's when it hurt me so much To see her, To see her cry (Oh don't cry, momma don't cry momma) Each and every night (We're gonna be alright that's what I used to say) I said that some day That I would try to take his place But it was too hard; It was so hard trying to be a man and a woman And that's why I need the father in you
[chorus] That's why I need, (oh I needed) The father in you, (I put my trust on you) That's why I need, (Please don't let me domn) The father in you. That's why I need, The father in you (I need the father in you) That's why I need (Hold my hand) The father in you
[Breakdown]
Because we never had one at home (No No No) As a little girl... So I understand, why daddy couldn't be there Cause it's so obvious nobody taught him, how to be father to me Oh and I'm not sayin this to reminisce on the past I'm just saying this to make you understand, That I needed a father And this is my problem This is why I couldn't keep no one This is why I couldn't stay alone I was so scared alone Every woman needs a man And I don't think she understands That she really needs a father The father in you, my brother She really needed the father The father in you. When your wife is speaking fellas Pay attention,Yeah,don't ignore her No,no,no I really need the father in you.
Fellas, have you ever had that perfect chick on the side? You know the kind that only date married men? Don’t act like you never heard about this chick, or better yet like you never slept with this chick. Come on, let’s keep it real? I know several men who only deal with this type of woman, as their side jawn.
This is the kind of chick that will not pressure the married man that she is dealing with. She respects his space and knows her place and everything is all good to her. Think about it, most men in this situation in the beginning thinks, “ Damn this is cool. I get to see her, take her out, take mini trips (when I can get away), get some nookie, and no strings attached? Damn, I hit the jackpot.” Yeah this is what you think until she flips the script on your ass.
Most fellas think this is a sweet deal until they get all caught up. Yeah I said it, CAUGHT UP! Fellas, do you really think this woman is sitting by the phone waiting for you to call while you’re home with your wife and kids? NOT! Do you really think she is saving all of her loving just for you? Hell no, aint no Whitney Houston popping with this chick. While you’re home with your wife and kids she out enjoying another woman’s husband. Oh yeah, this women is a habitual dater of married men. So while you all are out there living in “It’s sweet like that land” she is giving her attention and loving to the next married man.
This is a woman who is either afraid of commitment or a woman who has a Fuck it attitude about men. This attitude usually is developed after a woman has been repeatedly hurt by men. This is the woman who probably once in her life was the most caring, committed woman in the world when it came to relationships. But after being dogged out time after time by no good men she decided to say fuck it and use them for all that she can. So for all of you married men who is dealing with this kind of chick don’t think you are the only one, because trust, you are not!
Most women who only date married men are usually cool about the arrangement, but I must warn you, so women do it strictly for revenge and will try to fuck your shit up! They will describe the whole interior of your house to your wife, for those of you who are dumb enough to bring another woman to your home. Describe every part of your body, especially your penis! She will recall dates and times that she know you told your wife you were doing something else, like working late, hanging with the guys, or on a business trip. Oh yeah, there are some devious, evil, only married men dating chicks out there who will wreck your shit if you let her!
Now on the flip side, some men get caught up too! The problem is men don’t like the thought of any women that they are dealing with, and especially have feelings for, fucking another man, or even keeping another man’s company. See, this kind of woman is cool like that, she has a “do you” kind of attitude because she has conditioned herself to be this way. Most men can’t handle this and become possessive forgetting the fact that he has a wife and kids at home. When a man is caught up, this kind of shit will drive him crazy and then he starts doing crazy shit to match his crazy thoughts. Like midnight drive-bys, calling 30 times a day, and questioning her every move.
Unfortunately, I have a friend who worked with a husband and wife, and everyone knew that the husband was cheating on the wife. Everyone loved the wife at work and couldn’t stand the husband because they knew what he was doing to her. This man had a baby on his wife and the wife was woman enough to accept the child and in addition to that, he was also seeing another woman with whom he became obsessive over. When this woman tried to break it off with him he went to her home and shot and killed her in her car while she was getting ready to take her daughter to school. So word to the wise, it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt, literally.
So to the ladies and the men who like to get down in this way, watch what you do to others because the shit might come back to bite you on the ass or worst!
This is a woman looking for a man to complete her. She doesn’t understand that a man should be an addition to, not a completion to. She feels like if she doesn’t have a man then her life is not complete. She has very few requirements when it comes to a man. If he has two arms, two legs, a face and a penis, then she will take him. This is the type of woman who will support a man, visit him and marry him in prison, stay with him even if he abuses her verbal and/or physically. This is the woman who is just proud to say she has a man. She is also the kind that constantly talks about her man, my man this and my man that, all the while her friends are looking at her like she is a damn fool. Oh she knows deep down inside her man aint shit, but at least she has one. She also likes to brag about her man to her single girlfriends especially the attractive ones, basically to say I have a man and you don’t!
She is the kind that will tolerate almost anything. If she found her man in bed with her sister, mother or brother she would probably stay with him. This is the woman that would stay with her man even if he asked her for a threesome and he starts seeing the other chick on the side. She would make herself a lesbian for this man if he asked her to. She will move her man into her house after two weeks of dating and think nothing of it. She would serve her man shrimp for dinner while her kids eat oodles of noodles. She will wait on him hand and foot even after working a twelve hour shift.
I Need a Man Chick is sort of like the Ride of Die Chick, but on a much lower level. Even the Ride or Die Chick has her limits and most importantly, self respect. This chick doesn’t know what a limit is or self respect!
This is a woman who has very low self-esteem and often thinks she is not worthy of a good man so any man that pays her attention will do. She could be a woman that was teased growing up, obese, called unattractive by others, or even abused as a child. Therefore, her self-esteem was just sucked out of her and she doesn’t have the strength to try to regain it.
This type of woman can come from any socio- economical background. This could be a well–educated woman, a hood woman, or a middle class woman. I have a girlfriend who is very attractive, good job and have plenty of common sense. However, she has been seeing someone in the entertainment industry and she allows and accepts his shit because she is so in “awe” with this guy. Now this guy was in a group that was extremely popular in the late eighties early nineties, but hasn’t done shit since then. But because he is still well known from being in the group I guess she feels like she is dating a celebrity and boy does she pays for it. She has confessed to me that this guy has slept with her cousin, disrespected her in public in front of her friends and family and she still continues to see him. This is a woman that has experience true heartbreak from a man that she was truly in love with and ever since then she has not been right since. She has not been in a “real” meaningful relationship since.
If a single woman constantly talks about past relationships and can’t focus on the present, this could be a sign of I Need a Man Chick. Men, if you meet a woman and she constantly asks you questions about you and doesn’t want to answer any questions about herself, this could be a sign. Also, if she projects a low self-esteem this is a key sign. Most of these women are all about pleasing a man at any cost. She will pay for the dates, give money she doesn’t have, participate in sexual acts that she is not comfortable with, all to make a man happy.
This kind of woman does not know herself worth. She doesn’t realize she is a diamond in the rough. This is a woman who wants to be loved so bad that she will forfeit our own happiness for it. She believes she is worthless without a man. My motto is if you can’t be happy with yourself what makes you think that someone else will be? We have to learn to love ourselves first, and learn to enjoy our own company before we start inviting others into our world.
Most men take advantage of these kind of women because they see them as an easy target. Unfortunately, most men actually prey on these kind of women and use them for everything that they have. In the beginning they will make the woman think that they are really into them. Make them think that they are the most beautiful creature in the world just so they can continue to use her. Because she is such an easy target this is not a hard thing to do.
So men, if you happen to meet a woman like this and if you chose to use her instead of helping her then you are only perpetuating her ill image of herself and basically need your ass whipped!!
This the chick who will continuously get her ass whipped then lay down with the man who whipped her ass and have sex with him to make up. I call her the Tina Turner Chick. This is the kind of woman that is willing to die to prove that her man loves her. This kind of woman can come from any social-economical background. She could be educated, uneducated, lower class, upper class, Black, White, Asian, it doesn’t matter. The Abuse Woman Syndrome doesn’t discriminate. Many people ask, “Why do women stay with men that abuse them?” And why do these women tend to gravitate toward abusive men? Well, many can’t answer this question, but I will try.
When I was in graduate school I took a class and we had a doctor come in and explain the N.E.C (Neuro Emotional Complex). He basically explained that people tend to gravitate toward situations that they are use to. It doesn’t always mean it is the “best” situation, but it is a situation that they are familiar with and feel comfortable and therefore they think they can handle themselves in that situation. Women tend to stay with abusive men for one of three reasons. One, they are afraid that if they do leave that he will find her and he will harm her, or worst, kill her. Two, he has beaten her down so much emotionally and physically she doesn’t feel like any other man would want her because she doesn’t find herself worthy. Thirdly, she stays because this is what she is use to, period.
Unfortunately, most of these situations end up badly. In some cases the woman is beaten so badly the injuries are permanent or her family is planning her funeral much earlier than what they expected. Also, sometimes when a woman finally gets out of an abusive relationship she tends to be suspicious of every man she meets and usually shy away from men altogether. The other scenario is if she does find a man that truly loves her and don’t beat her then she doesn’t feel like he truly loves her. If he is not blackening her eye or throwing her down the stairs then she is suspicious of his non-abusive love. This is a sad truth.
Women like this also tend to start and pick fights with the new man to test his love for her. They will jump in his face punch, hit and kick him until they get a response out of him, hopefully an abusive response, because in her twisted confused mind this would validate his love for her. Men who are put in this situation will usually do one of three things. They will eventually respond in an abusive manner, after being provoked so many times. Two, just leave. Or three, try to seek help for the woman. The third choice is the best choice. If the man seeks counseling for him and the woman that he loves then he is putting her on the right path to break the cycle of abuse.
Fellas, when you met a woman like this, and you are really feeling this woman, don’t just walk away try to help her and instead of telling your Homies that this B’s crazy. Recognize that she is hurting and subconsciously crying out for help. We so often in our society turn our backs on the ones that are hurting and instead of helping we tend to ostracize them from others because we think and call them crazy. Abusive women need love too, they may not always show it, or admit it, but they do. Really didn’t want to get that deep on the blog, but it is what it is. My role is to inform men of all kinds of women, even if it is an ugly truth.
Now unfortunately, I know these are the women men tend to love and women tend to hate. This is the chick that will smile all up in her homegirl’s face, offer her support, be there to lend an ear when she is having man problems, go shopping with her to buy that little black dress for her date, and screwing her man behind her back.
Oh yes, I had to go there, because these type of women exist and in abundance. Have you ever heard of the saying, “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer?” Well in this case, sista is keeping her enemy a little too close. Unbeknownst to her she is giving up the tapes to the wrong person. Ladies, you know how it is when you meet that dude and he put it on you so good you can't wait to tell your girlfriend, and don’t omit one thing or one position (lol)?
These types of women are usually very good friends to other females. My assumption is one of two reasons, or maybe both. One, because they always want to have access to your business and your man and two, they feel so damn guilty they have no choice but to be nice to your naïve ass.
I know some men are thinking right now as they are reading, “Shit, what is wrong with that?” They feel like, “I’m getting two for the price of one.” Or thinking, “What my girl don’t know won’t hurt her.” I know some of you men right now are thinking, “So tell me C Double R, how can I spot this one?” Well, here’s an example, have you ever been in a club and you got your eye on one special lady, but her girl is undressing you with her eyes even though she knows you want her girl and every time you try to go in for the number she interrupts you? This could be a sign of a Backstabbing Chick. If you go to your woman’s house and she is waiting on you hand and foot, more than your woman and is always prancing around you with some skimpy shit on, this could be a Backstabbing Chick. Or constantly saying how your woman is so lucky to have you and always giving you compliments and always making up an excuse to touch you, this could be a Backstabbing Chick. Finally, if she is always comparing herself to your woman around you, then this could be a Backstabbing Chick.
But the most obvious sign is when she is constantly coming on to you when your woman is not around. Now, I am not saying all brothers fall for this and not all brothers are dogs, but if a brother keep getting a bone thrown at him he is eventually go to bite it. Fellas, that’s why you nip that shit in the bud from the gate, because if you don’t things can really escalate to the point of no return. Then you have a bunch of people with hurt feelings or no feelings, if you get what I am saying.
I know this chick, very nice, into church, sweet and will help you with anything, if it’s in her power. But this is the same chick that acts all cool with her “buddy’s girlfriend” all the while screwing her buddy every chance she gets. She acts like she likes the girlfriend and come to the buddy’s functions and hang around their friends, but as soon as no one is watching or is around, they are getting busy. But the kicker is, she thinks nobody knows when everybody knows!! See, this is the prime reason why I do not have a lot of girlfriends and never have. Because some women are the most conniving, ruthless, back stabbing creations walking the face of the planet. Yes, I said it, but I didn’t say all. Actually, there are more true girlfriends than fake ones in the world, so let me say that before I get backlash from the ladies.
Fellas, some of yall may think this is a sweet deal, but you better think before you react because if you don’t you may get more than what you bargain for. Let’s just say, if you haven’t seen the TV series “Snapped” on WE Television station, check out an episode and you will get my drift. Everything that looks good to you, aint always go for you, or better yet, just because it’s free does mean it is for me!!!
Fellas have you ever met that perfect woman? She’s independent, fine, have her own car, house, money and don’t mind treating you to dinner or surprising you with a gift or two. She’s just that bad that she have you thinking to yourself, damn I finally found that perfect woman. She got her own shit, great in bed, and she can hold it down on her own. You’re thinking you hit the jackpot, until you get into that first heated argument. Boy, that’s when you think to yourself, “What the fuck did I just get myself into?” It goes a little something like this, “Jigga I don’t need you, I want you, don’t get it twisted. So let’s be clear. I’ve been taking care of myself before you came along and will continue to do so after you are gone! I don’t know who the hell you think you are because I am an independent woman and I don’t need a man for shit. “Sounds familiar? And this is all being said because you asked her did she need help with the groceries!
See men, independent women are very hard to gauge. Sometimes they want a man to take control and at other times they need to be in control because they don’t know how not to be in control in certain situations. Most women are in control because of one of two reasons. One, they were either forced to be in control or two, they have the desire to be in control.
Unfortunately, these are the women who don’t understand that every woman needs a man. It’s not in a woman’s makeup to be a man. Period. Yes, women should be very proud that they can support themselves, take care of their business and don’t have to answer to anyone, but that doesn’t mean that deep down inside that they don’t want and desire a man to protect them. More often than not, independent women inadvertently push men away. Yes, most men love independent women, but they don’t want to be reminded every day that they are with an independent woman and constantly reminded that she don’t need him, but she wants him. That shit get old real quick with most men.
One thing I learned is that a man needs to feel needed because if he doesn’t then he feels emasculated. It’s in a man’s make up to be the provider, the protector and the head of the family and when a woman takes that away from him he feels inadequate. This is the one thing that the independent woman just can’t seem to understand, no matter how many degrees she has hanging on her wall. This is the reason why most independent women ask the same question, “Why is my bed always so cold?” This is the reason! Learn to let a man be a man, even if he doesn’t make as much money as you, or if he’s not as educated as you, or doesn’t have a high power job like you. Let the man be the man, damn it!!
Men, so I know you are asking well how can I tell when a woman thinks like this? Well there are signs. If a woman never let’s you pay for anything and always brag about how much money she makes and wants to compare paychecks. That’s a sign my brother. If a woman is always telling you how much she paid for this or that, and shows you the receipt. That’s a sign. And most importantly if she always want to ride you and never let you ride her while having sex. That’s definitely a sign.
These are all signs letting you know that she don’t need you and she is constantly telling you this when she does these types of things. There could also be another underlying reason why she does these things. Insecurity. When women have to constantly brag about their money, possessions, and or looks this is usually because they are trying to mass some other insecurity. It’s the same as when a little man buys a huge truck, or an older man buys a red corvette or gets a tattoo. We all do things to mass some kind of insecurity that we have about ourselves, whether it is big or small.
We women have to learn to let it go and let the man lead and learn to follow sometimes. Because if we continue to poke our chest out like we are the king of the jungle all the masses will find another location to habitat. I define myself as an independent woman, but I am not an overly aggressive independent woman. Can I handle my business? Yes. Am I educated? Yes, with a Masters from an Ivy League University, but is this brought up in the very first conversation I have with a man I just met? No. Fellas, this is another sign. If you meet a woman and she is telling you or better yet showing you her portfolio on your first date, run.
Now the flip side of this is that most independent women are very selective and very picky when it comes to dating men. For instance, I have several girlfriends who are educated, attractive and independent, who will only date a man of a certain caliber. They don’t look at potential they look at the current situation and if it is not up to their standards then they will not give the man the time of day. So fellas, if we are keeping it real let’s do just that. Don’t approach a well dressed classy sophisticated woman if your shit aint tight. So to save you the embarrassment, know what you working with and when in doubt move on, there are more fish in the sea. I know that sounds harsh but unfortunately there are a lot of shallow people in the world including independent women.
Now, there are different classifications of independent women. Just because a woman is educated doesn’t mean she’s independent or just because a woman is not educated doesn’t mean she’s not independent. Being independent simply means handling your business. You could be living at home with your parents and working two jobs and going to school, that’s flexing your independence. You could be a single parent mother with no assistant from the government, that’s flexing your independence. Then there’s the independent woman that most are familiar with, the well-educated, high power position independent woman. All these women have one thing in common, strength. So when an independent woman meets that perfect man it is hard for her to relinquish her power because she has been programmed for so long to be that way.
Fellas, I am not saying that all independent woman her bossy, or hard to deal with, I am saying just understand the type of woman that you are dealing with because it does take a special breed of a man to deal with an independent woman. When a woman is forced to be in the position of power she gets use to holding that position and it is hard to let go and let someone else hold that position for her.
It goes back to the fact that every woman doesn’t understand that she needs a man. One of my favorite songs is by Mary J. Blige, it is called “Father Figure”. In the song she speaks about how it was hard for her to be in a relationship and to keep a man because she never knew her father and she didn’t know how to relate. It also talksabout how every woman needs a man and how some women don’t understand that fact. We all want a man to be our protector, our leader and some women think if they admit to that then they are giving up their power and independence. But in fact, what they are really doing is keeping it real and being a woman, the way God created a woman to be.
One thing I do think independent women understand is that it doesn’t take a man to complete them. A man should be an addition to not a completion of a woman. I will speak a little more depth on this topic in later chapters. Now if the independent woman can just learn to share the independence then I believe she could be in a much better situation when it comes to relationships with men.
Men I am not saying if you don’t make six figures, live in a nice house, and drive a nice car that you don’t have a chance with an independent woman. Again, independent women have different classifications and all independent women aren’t superficial or bitches.There are independent women who will support a man who is trying to pull himself up to be a better man. However, you also have independent women who like to tear a brotha down when he is trying to pull himself up to her level, financially. This is where that insecurity piece comes into play. Fellas listen, if you are a hard working man, supports his lady emotional and spiritually and she doesn’t appreciate it because you can’t support her financially, then she’s not the one for you. Period.
Learn to read the signs that women put out every day. Also, stop getting caught up on the physical and learn to be more in tune with the emotional.Once you can learn to do that, that’s when you can become a master at whether or not a specific woman is the woman for you.
