Courtesy Sex

Recently I learned of something called “Courtesy Sex”, not to be mistaken for a Booty Call. Let me break it down so it can forever be broken. A Booty Call is when someone calls you (It can be a man or a woman making the call) either asking you to come over or asking to come over to have sex, but it is not considered a Booty Call if the call takes place before midnight.

Courtesy Sex is when a person (usually a man) has sex with someone out of pity. You may be asking, then why have sex if you really don’t want to have sex with the person? Well, the reason being is because they usually have a history with the person. I was out with a male buddy the other day and he explained it perfectly to me. He told me back in the day he used to date this petite pretty girl who had a banging body and he used to love to have sex with her. Recently he ran into her again. Unfortunately, one of her relatives passed away and she was in town for the funeral. He said the first moment she had him alone she asked when was he going to give her some? She told him she rehearsed this moment in her mind for almost twenty years. He said she damn near cornered him against the wall and started taking her clothes off. He said she was no longer the small petite woman he was attracted to, but he literally said, (his words not mine) she looked like a little bowling ball, round and short. So of course I asked, “Did you give her Courtesy Sex?” and of course he said yes, but he never told anyone because he still couldn’t believe that he did it.

I had several male friends tell me they had Courtesy Sex because they didn’t want to hurt the woman’s feelings. Most of the men had a previous relationship or a sexual history with the women and that is why they had Courtesy Sex. I had one man tell me he had mutual Courtesy Sex with his ex. He stated that they knew it was over and they both agreed to have sex one last time before he moved out. I think that’s different because at least in this case both parties knew the situation. However, when you are the one giving the Courtesy Sex nine times out of ten you’re the only one who knows about the Courtesy Sex situation.

So my question is, why not just say no? Seriously, I rather have a man tell me that he’s just not attracted to me like that anymore, or shit, just straight out lie to not have sex with me because the last thing I want is some Courtesy Sex from a man who is not attracted to me anymore. It’s just not that deep for me.

I’m just saying…


C Double R!

For comments or suggestions please contact me at cdoubler2@gmail.com

Ain't Nothing Going on But the Rent!

I think we all have either experienced this or know someone who has experienced this situation.

Ladies, you meet your new guy, and everything is going well. You guys are hanging out almost every day, going out to dinner, dancing, the movies and the sex is banging! In the beginning your new Boo packed an overnight bag and stayed overnight and then left in the morning. Fast forward three months down the road and this man has completely moved into your damn house, unbeknownst to you!! Dude is no longer packing an overnight bag he has taken over your underwear draw and half of your damn closet!

Now you feel like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place because you like having him there, but at the same time your food is being depleted faster than you can replace it and the utility bills are slowly creeping up, not to mention the laundry load. You feel uncomfortable asking him to contribute financially because technically he doesn’t live there and he is still paying bills for his own house. And on top of all that, dude already have a key to your front door!

My question to you is, “Why are you the one feeling uncomfortable, especially in your own damn house?” If anyone should feel uncomfortable it should be the Guest That Wouldn’t Leave. What kind of man just takes it upon himself to move into his woman’s house without even thinking about offering to pay a bill? I tell you what, no man of mine! I think when we are in that “Honeymoon” stage of our new relationships we are so caught up that we really don’t see what is really going on around us. Ladies and men too, it’s ok to fall in love but don’t get caught up to the point where you’re feeling uncomfortable in your own home. Your home is the one place where you should feel comfortable and also feel respected in.

So just pay attention, if you feel like things are moving too fast then be like Roy Rogers and Slow Down! And always, always, always have “The Financial Responsibility That Comes With This Key Talk” before you decide to hand over your key to your new love because if not you will be living with a “Live-In Lover Who is Living Responsibility Free Off of Me!!” man!

I’m just saying…

You Would Be the Perfect Woman Only If You Would Lose Some Damn Weight!!

This is a topic I had to speak on because I have had this conversation with several of my male counterparts and each time I get heated when I have this discussion with a man.

Ok everyone peep this, true story. I have a really good male friend. He is a very attractive man who loves attractive women. He meets this woman (which is not his traditional flavor) he starts dating her, but never really exclusively. So one day we’re having a conversation and he says to me, “Chanel, this woman is like no other woman I have ever met! When I go over to her house she has my bath water ready with my favorite soap and my toothbrush laid out with my favorite toothpaste and my dinner is ready when I get out of the tub. She rubs me down and caters to me in every way possible sexually. She even packs my lunch EVERY day for work (I am talking homemade meals not sandwiches).” So I am thinking to myself damn does she have a brother that can cater to me the same way!! So I ask the obvious question, “So what is the problem?” His exact words were, “She is big as shit!!” Then he goes on to say she is a beautiful girl in the face, but she is just too damn big!

At this point I am furious!! So we go into the whole male/female conversation on how men are physical creatures and women are emotional creatures and so on and so forth. So eventually I just told him, if you truly felt that way about her then you should have never gotten involved with this woman, period!! This situation went on for over three years until he finally had the balls to tell her that she deserves better.

So of course I had to survey all of my male friends in regards to this issue and it wasn’t until I had this conversation with a male friend who kinda put things in perspective for me. So I had to take the Chris Rock stance, I don’t agree with it, but I understand!!

So here’s the deal, he says, what if you met a man and one of the qualities that attracted you to him was that he was a hard working brotha, good job, great work ethic then all of a sudden he just said fuck it and stopped working and laid around all day playing video games? He said men hold a woman’s appearance in the same regard that women hold a man’s work status and ethic.

Now, he did agree that dude should have never gotten involved with ole girl if he knew she wasn’t his flavor from the gate! He then went on to say, what if you and I got together and right now you take care of yourself by working out riding your bike, walking the treadmill to keep in shape, then all of a sudden you just stopped working out and started eating twinkies all day and gained 50 pounds. He said then I wouldn’t be the same person he married and was attracted to, same with him, he wouldn’t be the same man I married if he just stopped working. These are the different qualities that appease the sexes. Bottom line is, men are physical creatures and women are not only emotional creatures, but are drawn to strong powerful men or at least a brotha with a job!!!

I don’t agree with it, but I understand (in my Chris Rock voice)!!

What’s your take and keep it 100?


C Double R!

When the Side Alley Cat Fights Back- Side Chick Rules

Let me start off by saying I do not co-sign or condone this kind of situation but I must speak on it.

I a lot of fellas get caught up with the side kitty cat and forget to keep the litter box clean which can cause a stinky problem for their main chick. I have three brothers so I am always in the company of men and sometimes I sit around and listen to their “male” conversations with their boys. So one day the conversation came up about “side jawns” (women that attached men mess with on the side). One of my brother’s friends has the tendency to get caught up with the physical when it comes to his side jawns without fully assessing the situation. The only thing he thinks about is how sweet the kitty is and not about the mental state of the woman. So after going on and on I had to add my two cents to the conversation. I just simply stated “Whatever woman you decide to make your “side jawn” you better make sure that she has just as much to lose as you do! Point. Blank ,Period.” My brother simply said that’s good advice.

Here is a man who has everything to lose, but he decides to mess with a woman who has nothing to lose. So what do you think she’s going to do when things go to the left with their relationship? She is gonna try to fuck up his shit!! Shit, she doesn’t have anything to lose. She don’t have a man, she’s not living with nobody. She doesn’t own a house, or car with anyone, she is free to fuck up your shit and walk away unscratched! Meanwhile, you’re in divorce court, kicked out of your house and paying child support and alimony!

So the moral of the story is (if there is one in this case) and again I do not condone this kind of behavior, but if this is something that you do or must do you better think hard about your selection and choose wisely. Because the last thing you need is an unhappy side kitty cat that scratches back!!

I’m just saying..

C Double R!!

The Age Old Question: Light Skin vs. Dark Skin

Is light skin still preferred over dark skin, when it comes to our sistas? I was listening to the radio driving in to work and I caught an interview on how Gabrielle Union constantly compares herself to other women, especially light skin sistas. She made a statement in a magazine interview how she has a complex about her nose and she always scan the room to see if there are any light skinned women in the room that looks better than her? WTF!! Are you serious?? I have personally met this woman and this woman is simply gorgeous, naturally (no plastic surgery of any kind)! She could easily pass for twenty-something, the woman is pushing 40!!

Why do women, especially beautiful women always compare themselves to other women? Are we that uncomfortable in our own skin that we can’t accept ourselves as we are? I will admit, I noticed as early as kindergarten that the boys always liked the light skinned, light eyes, long hair little girls. Us little chocolate drops with nappy hair didn’t stand a chance.

True story, when I was a kid in grade school I had a major crush on this guy, I use to send him little notes asking him to be my boyfriend, check the box yes, no, or maybe (Yall old heads remember those notes?). I use to daydream about him all the time. Of course he always went for the light skinned, long hair pretty girls and never paid chocolate drop nappy headed me no attention. Now fast forward to a few years ago, I ran into this dude and he was all over me, telling me how beautiful I looked, and how I filled out well (I was a flat-chested string bean all the way up to high school) and how sexy I was. I was like dayumm, I felt like Mike Jones, “Back in the day you didn’t want me!” The ironic thing about the whole story is that he ended up marrying a short hair, beautiful dark skinned sista. Go figure!

So do most men still prefer light skinned women or dark skinned women? When I was younger I always wished I had straighter hair, but I never wanted to be light skin. I love the complexion of my skin, I wouldn’t change it for nothing in the world. However, when you turn on the television and you see these actors, athletes and even politicians with either a very light skinned black woman or white woman, it really makes you wonder, wow, a dark sista just don’t stand a chance!

I think some black men today just like a variety of women, dark, light, different ethnicities, short, tall, etc. and some just still prefer light or white and would never look at a dark skinned woman as being beautiful. The ironic thing is most of these brothas are dark brothas! So I ask these brothas, do you have self hatred? Do you dislike yourself because of your skin tone and/or your race? Because what I have learned is that you can’t hate the root of the tree and love the tree. You must love yourself as a whole. Embrace that chocolate skin that you are in. I personally love my black, dark chocolate brothas, wouldn’t have it any other way!!

So I ask the question is light skin still better than dark skin?

I’m just saying???

C Double R!!

When is BIG too BIG!!!

Ladies the last post was entitled, "It Takes More Than Just a Big D*ck to Keep a Good Woman", but when is BIG too BiG? Ladies when do you say, “I’m sorry, but can we just be friends?” or ask “Dayum, is that ALL you?”.

I know most women say size matter, but ladies be careful for what you ask for because sometimes you may bite off more than you can chew (figuratively speaking guys..) Some women won’t mess with a guy unless is he packing a 45, God bless them!

Ok picture this, you’re out on a date with a sexy man having great conversation, you have been dating him for a couple months and tonight is the night you decided to give him some. Fast ward to the end of the night and you are in his bedroom, you have your sexy Victoria’s Secret lingerie on, you’re ready to give it to him like he never had it before until he takes your hand and place it on his jawn. At this point, you’re thinking dayum this man is deformed, so do you continue and carry out the act or put your clothes on as fast as you can and break the hell out?

Well there are pros and cons when it comes to dealing with this kind of man. Pros obviously are that he won’t have any problem finding your spot and probably will make you climax like you never have before and numerous times. The cons are you can only take this kind of man for so long. So more than likely, not unless you’re use to dealing with BIG men, you’re ready to get it over sooner than later, even if it does feel great at the time. Sex probably would be more infrequent because the average woman need time to heal from this kind of man.

So, ladies I ask you is it worth all the pain? Is being BIG a gift or a curse? BIG Men, what have been your experiences?

C Double R!!!

It Takes More Than Just a Big D*ck to Keep a Good Woman!!

Ok, so I was on Facebook the other day and one of my friends had a conversation about the power of the punanny. Basically he stated that just because you have good punanny doesn’t mean that a man wouldn’t leave you or cheat on you. Boy, did this start a conversation. So of course the ladies responded by saying just because you have a big d*ck and can lay pipe in the bedroom doesn’t mean that a woman won’t leave or cheat on you either???

Look, maybe back in the day if a woman got sprung on good sex that was a license for the man to do as he pleases because he knew she wasn’t going anywhere. Now fast forward 20 years later, most women don’t tolerate that itsh, some even flip the script on men these days. If she has a man that can lay good pipe, but that’s ALL he can do, trust, she will have others to make up for his deficiencies. She will have one that can wine and dine her, one that will take her on vacations, one that will fix things around the house, and one that can offer to pay her bills. Notice how I said “offer” to pay her bills. Most sistas today can pay their own bills and are quite self sufficient, therefore, she doesn’t need a man to pay her bills, but will take donations, feel me?

Nowadays women categorize their men like they categorize their shoes. If she feels like being wine and dined then she will call her Manolo Man. If she needs to have something fixed around the house she will call her Timberland Man. If she feels like getting freaky she will call her Come F*ck Me Pumps Man. Women are quick to categorize a man just like men categorize women. So men, don’t think that just because you are laying good pipe that your woman won’t step out on you or close the door completely, WAKE THE FREAK UP!!

Forget the 90’s woman and start thinking about the new millennium woman!! Yes, we are no longer staying on the porch, we are stomping with the big dogs! We are doing it for ourselves and doing it big by ourselves! So don’t let the big dick fool you, because if that is the only thing you are offering best believe she has you categorized as the Come F*ck Me Pumps Man and will only call on you when she is ready to get freaky, but your ass will stay in that size 9 shoebox until then!

I’m just saying…

C Double R!!

Is it Wrong to be Spoiled?

Question, is it wrong or bad to be spoiled? Fellas, do you have a problem with a spoiled woman? A woman who usually gets what she wants. A woman who wants nice things and strive for the finer things in life. With just this being said, most of you would probably answer yes. You would say yes, because you are probably thinking she wants these things from you and you may see her ass as needy, right?

Now, let me put a twist on the question, who you have a probably with a woman who spoils herself and you at the same time? The answer to this question would probably be no. I have been called spoiled all of my life, from friends, family and foes alike. I have been called bourgeois, stuck up, and it really doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t bother me because that’s someone else’s perception of me and not my perception of me. It’s funny how people think they know you when they don’t know you, but when they get to know you the first think they say is, “Wow, I really didn’t know you.”

I had an associate that I known for years and his perception of me was that I was spoiled, stuck up and a Gold Digger, yes a Gold Digger. His ring tone for me was Kanye’s “Gold Digger” of course this was before he really got to know me. Once he really got to know me he said, “Damn, Nel, you are nothing like I thought you were, you are cool as shit!” So, this is why I don’t really get irritated or agitated when I hear that someone was talking itsh about me. As Katt Williams say, “If you got 7 people hating on you at the beginning of the summer then it is your job to have 20 by the end of the summer.” And this motto works for me.

Now with that being said, I don’t see nothing wrong with being spoiled, if you are spoiling YOURSELLF and don’t expect others to do it for you. Am I spoiled? Yes, but I spoil myself, so therefore, if this is something that I choose to do, then so be it. However, I also like to spoil my man, I like to show him attention but I want and expect (spoken like a true spoil brat!) that attention to be reciprocated. With me it is all about reciprocity, if you do for me I will do for you, and if you don’t then more than likely the itsh won’t last. It is what it is!

So, let me pose the question again, “Is it Wrong to be Spoiled?”

I’m just asking…

Damn, I Miss His Loud Ass Snoring, Damn I Miss Her Horrible Cooking!

Isn’t it funny how you miss the very thing that drove you crazy about you ex when you become single? Not to say you miss your ex, but you miss those little things in the relationship that drove you crazy when you were in one. Remember when you wanted to shove a pillow down his throat to stop him from snoring? Or when you would secretly pick something up to eat on the way home so you won’t have to be subjected to her awful cooking? But now that you are single these are the very things that you miss. Life is crazy.

It’s funny how you never know what you will miss once you become single. Most people think it’s having someone to share the bills with or helping with the kids, but sometimes it’s the little things that actually use to annoy the hell out of your ass! Go figure?

When you’re single you start to think about all of the little things that you miss about being in a relationship. Like when you had a long hard day at work and as soon as you walk through the door you mate already knows without you saying a word. Or watching your favorite movie together, or having that cup of Starbuck’s coffee on Sundays and just chilling together. Or like having him warm up your car on the cold days so you won’t have to sit in a cold car. Or having her lay out your lucky suit for your big interview.

But after thinking about all of this you remember why you two are no longer together and then thank God for being single!!

I’m just saying!!

C Double R

When Do You Give Full Disclosure About Yourself When You Start Dating Someone New??

This question is directed to both men and women. When do you completely disclose yourself to someone new that you started dating? After the second date, the first date to get it out of the way? Or after you know that the person has fallen for you and use that as leverage when you completely reveal yourself to them?

Men, when would you want to know that the woman you are dating is a virgin (I know it is rare, but yes there are still some virgin adult women in the world)? Or that she is a stripper or have 6 kids by five different men, after the first date or the 5th date?

Ladies when would you want to know that the man you are dating is an ex-con? Or have a terminal illness or is a recovering alcoholic or drug user, after the first date or the fifth date?

Most generally believe it boils down to the comfort level of the relationship. For instance if a man has no real interest in a woman, besides her ass or pretty face then his only goal is to hit it and then split or just use her as his physical pleasure toy, therefore, he’s not really interested in revealing too much about himself to her or having her reveal too much about herself to him. Same with a woman, if she is only dating a man for his money she’s not interested in revealing herself to him or vice versa, as long as he keeps the money flowing all is good in the neighborhood.

Now on the other hand, when you meet someone that you are really feeling, on all levels, when do you let the skeletons out of the closet? Is there such a thing as perfect timing or you just do it when you see fit? Most women know straight from the gate if they really want to get serious with a man. And most men know if they have a real connection with a woman from the gate. So again, when do you give full disclosure about yourself to that new person in your life? Inquiring minds what to know.

I personally like full disclosure from the gate. One, it shows me that you respect me enough to be completely honest with me. Two, it shows me that you feel a connection with me and you are comfort enough to disclose yourself to me completely. And three, it lets me know that for the most part, you don’t have nothing to hide, which wins major points in my book because I find honesty very sexy!
So, when do you give full disclosure to someone that you are dating?

I’m just saying,

C Double R!!