When the Side Alley Cat Fights Back- Side Chick Rules

Let me start off by saying I do not co-sign or condone this kind of situation but I must speak on it.

I a lot of fellas get caught up with the side kitty cat and forget to keep the litter box clean which can cause a stinky problem for their main chick. I have three brothers so I am always in the company of men and sometimes I sit around and listen to their “male” conversations with their boys. So one day the conversation came up about “side jawns” (women that attached men mess with on the side). One of my brother’s friends has the tendency to get caught up with the physical when it comes to his side jawns without fully assessing the situation. The only thing he thinks about is how sweet the kitty is and not about the mental state of the woman. So after going on and on I had to add my two cents to the conversation. I just simply stated “Whatever woman you decide to make your “side jawn” you better make sure that she has just as much to lose as you do! Point. Blank ,Period.” My brother simply said that’s good advice.

Here is a man who has everything to lose, but he decides to mess with a woman who has nothing to lose. So what do you think she’s going to do when things go to the left with their relationship? She is gonna try to fuck up his shit!! Shit, she doesn’t have anything to lose. She don’t have a man, she’s not living with nobody. She doesn’t own a house, or car with anyone, she is free to fuck up your shit and walk away unscratched! Meanwhile, you’re in divorce court, kicked out of your house and paying child support and alimony!

So the moral of the story is (if there is one in this case) and again I do not condone this kind of behavior, but if this is something that you do or must do you better think hard about your selection and choose wisely. Because the last thing you need is an unhappy side kitty cat that scratches back!!

I’m just saying..

C Double R!!

The Age Old Question: Light Skin vs. Dark Skin

Is light skin still preferred over dark skin, when it comes to our sistas? I was listening to the radio driving in to work and I caught an interview on how Gabrielle Union constantly compares herself to other women, especially light skin sistas. She made a statement in a magazine interview how she has a complex about her nose and she always scan the room to see if there are any light skinned women in the room that looks better than her? WTF!! Are you serious?? I have personally met this woman and this woman is simply gorgeous, naturally (no plastic surgery of any kind)! She could easily pass for twenty-something, the woman is pushing 40!!

Why do women, especially beautiful women always compare themselves to other women? Are we that uncomfortable in our own skin that we can’t accept ourselves as we are? I will admit, I noticed as early as kindergarten that the boys always liked the light skinned, light eyes, long hair little girls. Us little chocolate drops with nappy hair didn’t stand a chance.

True story, when I was a kid in grade school I had a major crush on this guy, I use to send him little notes asking him to be my boyfriend, check the box yes, no, or maybe (Yall old heads remember those notes?). I use to daydream about him all the time. Of course he always went for the light skinned, long hair pretty girls and never paid chocolate drop nappy headed me no attention. Now fast forward to a few years ago, I ran into this dude and he was all over me, telling me how beautiful I looked, and how I filled out well (I was a flat-chested string bean all the way up to high school) and how sexy I was. I was like dayumm, I felt like Mike Jones, “Back in the day you didn’t want me!” The ironic thing about the whole story is that he ended up marrying a short hair, beautiful dark skinned sista. Go figure!

So do most men still prefer light skinned women or dark skinned women? When I was younger I always wished I had straighter hair, but I never wanted to be light skin. I love the complexion of my skin, I wouldn’t change it for nothing in the world. However, when you turn on the television and you see these actors, athletes and even politicians with either a very light skinned black woman or white woman, it really makes you wonder, wow, a dark sista just don’t stand a chance!

I think some black men today just like a variety of women, dark, light, different ethnicities, short, tall, etc. and some just still prefer light or white and would never look at a dark skinned woman as being beautiful. The ironic thing is most of these brothas are dark brothas! So I ask these brothas, do you have self hatred? Do you dislike yourself because of your skin tone and/or your race? Because what I have learned is that you can’t hate the root of the tree and love the tree. You must love yourself as a whole. Embrace that chocolate skin that you are in. I personally love my black, dark chocolate brothas, wouldn’t have it any other way!!

So I ask the question is light skin still better than dark skin?

I’m just saying???

C Double R!!

When is BIG too BIG!!!

Ladies the last post was entitled, "It Takes More Than Just a Big D*ck to Keep a Good Woman", but when is BIG too BiG? Ladies when do you say, “I’m sorry, but can we just be friends?” or ask “Dayum, is that ALL you?”.

I know most women say size matter, but ladies be careful for what you ask for because sometimes you may bite off more than you can chew (figuratively speaking guys..) Some women won’t mess with a guy unless is he packing a 45, God bless them!

Ok picture this, you’re out on a date with a sexy man having great conversation, you have been dating him for a couple months and tonight is the night you decided to give him some. Fast ward to the end of the night and you are in his bedroom, you have your sexy Victoria’s Secret lingerie on, you’re ready to give it to him like he never had it before until he takes your hand and place it on his jawn. At this point, you’re thinking dayum this man is deformed, so do you continue and carry out the act or put your clothes on as fast as you can and break the hell out?

Well there are pros and cons when it comes to dealing with this kind of man. Pros obviously are that he won’t have any problem finding your spot and probably will make you climax like you never have before and numerous times. The cons are you can only take this kind of man for so long. So more than likely, not unless you’re use to dealing with BIG men, you’re ready to get it over sooner than later, even if it does feel great at the time. Sex probably would be more infrequent because the average woman need time to heal from this kind of man.

So, ladies I ask you is it worth all the pain? Is being BIG a gift or a curse? BIG Men, what have been your experiences?

C Double R!!!

It Takes More Than Just a Big D*ck to Keep a Good Woman!!

Ok, so I was on Facebook the other day and one of my friends had a conversation about the power of the punanny. Basically he stated that just because you have good punanny doesn’t mean that a man wouldn’t leave you or cheat on you. Boy, did this start a conversation. So of course the ladies responded by saying just because you have a big d*ck and can lay pipe in the bedroom doesn’t mean that a woman won’t leave or cheat on you either???

Look, maybe back in the day if a woman got sprung on good sex that was a license for the man to do as he pleases because he knew she wasn’t going anywhere. Now fast forward 20 years later, most women don’t tolerate that itsh, some even flip the script on men these days. If she has a man that can lay good pipe, but that’s ALL he can do, trust, she will have others to make up for his deficiencies. She will have one that can wine and dine her, one that will take her on vacations, one that will fix things around the house, and one that can offer to pay her bills. Notice how I said “offer” to pay her bills. Most sistas today can pay their own bills and are quite self sufficient, therefore, she doesn’t need a man to pay her bills, but will take donations, feel me?

Nowadays women categorize their men like they categorize their shoes. If she feels like being wine and dined then she will call her Manolo Man. If she needs to have something fixed around the house she will call her Timberland Man. If she feels like getting freaky she will call her Come F*ck Me Pumps Man. Women are quick to categorize a man just like men categorize women. So men, don’t think that just because you are laying good pipe that your woman won’t step out on you or close the door completely, WAKE THE FREAK UP!!

Forget the 90’s woman and start thinking about the new millennium woman!! Yes, we are no longer staying on the porch, we are stomping with the big dogs! We are doing it for ourselves and doing it big by ourselves! So don’t let the big dick fool you, because if that is the only thing you are offering best believe she has you categorized as the Come F*ck Me Pumps Man and will only call on you when she is ready to get freaky, but your ass will stay in that size 9 shoebox until then!

I’m just saying…

C Double R!!

Is it Wrong to be Spoiled?

Question, is it wrong or bad to be spoiled? Fellas, do you have a problem with a spoiled woman? A woman who usually gets what she wants. A woman who wants nice things and strive for the finer things in life. With just this being said, most of you would probably answer yes. You would say yes, because you are probably thinking she wants these things from you and you may see her ass as needy, right?

Now, let me put a twist on the question, who you have a probably with a woman who spoils herself and you at the same time? The answer to this question would probably be no. I have been called spoiled all of my life, from friends, family and foes alike. I have been called bourgeois, stuck up, and it really doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t bother me because that’s someone else’s perception of me and not my perception of me. It’s funny how people think they know you when they don’t know you, but when they get to know you the first think they say is, “Wow, I really didn’t know you.”

I had an associate that I known for years and his perception of me was that I was spoiled, stuck up and a Gold Digger, yes a Gold Digger. His ring tone for me was Kanye’s “Gold Digger” of course this was before he really got to know me. Once he really got to know me he said, “Damn, Nel, you are nothing like I thought you were, you are cool as shit!” So, this is why I don’t really get irritated or agitated when I hear that someone was talking itsh about me. As Katt Williams say, “If you got 7 people hating on you at the beginning of the summer then it is your job to have 20 by the end of the summer.” And this motto works for me.

Now with that being said, I don’t see nothing wrong with being spoiled, if you are spoiling YOURSELLF and don’t expect others to do it for you. Am I spoiled? Yes, but I spoil myself, so therefore, if this is something that I choose to do, then so be it. However, I also like to spoil my man, I like to show him attention but I want and expect (spoken like a true spoil brat!) that attention to be reciprocated. With me it is all about reciprocity, if you do for me I will do for you, and if you don’t then more than likely the itsh won’t last. It is what it is!

So, let me pose the question again, “Is it Wrong to be Spoiled?”

I’m just asking…

Damn, I Miss His Loud Ass Snoring, Damn I Miss Her Horrible Cooking!

Isn’t it funny how you miss the very thing that drove you crazy about you ex when you become single? Not to say you miss your ex, but you miss those little things in the relationship that drove you crazy when you were in one. Remember when you wanted to shove a pillow down his throat to stop him from snoring? Or when you would secretly pick something up to eat on the way home so you won’t have to be subjected to her awful cooking? But now that you are single these are the very things that you miss. Life is crazy.

It’s funny how you never know what you will miss once you become single. Most people think it’s having someone to share the bills with or helping with the kids, but sometimes it’s the little things that actually use to annoy the hell out of your ass! Go figure?

When you’re single you start to think about all of the little things that you miss about being in a relationship. Like when you had a long hard day at work and as soon as you walk through the door you mate already knows without you saying a word. Or watching your favorite movie together, or having that cup of Starbuck’s coffee on Sundays and just chilling together. Or like having him warm up your car on the cold days so you won’t have to sit in a cold car. Or having her lay out your lucky suit for your big interview.

But after thinking about all of this you remember why you two are no longer together and then thank God for being single!!

I’m just saying!!

C Double R

When Do You Give Full Disclosure About Yourself When You Start Dating Someone New??

This question is directed to both men and women. When do you completely disclose yourself to someone new that you started dating? After the second date, the first date to get it out of the way? Or after you know that the person has fallen for you and use that as leverage when you completely reveal yourself to them?

Men, when would you want to know that the woman you are dating is a virgin (I know it is rare, but yes there are still some virgin adult women in the world)? Or that she is a stripper or have 6 kids by five different men, after the first date or the 5th date?

Ladies when would you want to know that the man you are dating is an ex-con? Or have a terminal illness or is a recovering alcoholic or drug user, after the first date or the fifth date?

Most generally believe it boils down to the comfort level of the relationship. For instance if a man has no real interest in a woman, besides her ass or pretty face then his only goal is to hit it and then split or just use her as his physical pleasure toy, therefore, he’s not really interested in revealing too much about himself to her or having her reveal too much about herself to him. Same with a woman, if she is only dating a man for his money she’s not interested in revealing herself to him or vice versa, as long as he keeps the money flowing all is good in the neighborhood.

Now on the other hand, when you meet someone that you are really feeling, on all levels, when do you let the skeletons out of the closet? Is there such a thing as perfect timing or you just do it when you see fit? Most women know straight from the gate if they really want to get serious with a man. And most men know if they have a real connection with a woman from the gate. So again, when do you give full disclosure about yourself to that new person in your life? Inquiring minds what to know.

I personally like full disclosure from the gate. One, it shows me that you respect me enough to be completely honest with me. Two, it shows me that you feel a connection with me and you are comfort enough to disclose yourself to me completely. And three, it lets me know that for the most part, you don’t have nothing to hide, which wins major points in my book because I find honesty very sexy!
So, when do you give full disclosure to someone that you are dating?

I’m just saying,

C Double R!!

Keeping it Real – When Does It Turn Into Arrogance and Rudeness?

I am not a fake person. So basically, I am not going to hang around you, if I am not feeling you. I am not going to smile in your face then talk itsh behind your back, I just won’t mess with you. Period! Some people don’t understand that and mistakenly take that as being arrogant, but it is what it is with me. Question; why would you ask me to be your Facebook friend and when I see you face to face you barely want to speak to me? WTF? Are you kidding me?

Now I don’t go overboard with it. I am not mean about it, I am just truthful about it, For instance, I have a friend and he told me he met this woman that he was obviously attracted to, or else he would not have tried to crack on her. So while they are having a phone conversation she suggested that he gets an apartment in her part of town, since he is from out of town and could afford to do so, he immediately blurts out “Oh no, I don’t do the hood”. He told me he hasn’t heard from her since. Now to me, that is being insensitive. He could have explained in a better way why he didn’t feel comfortable getting an apartment in that part of town instead of being so blunt.

I know how to get my point across most of the time without being insensitive. Sometimes you may have to tweak your response so you don’t come off too harsh, but at the same time the person understands what you are saying. I believe it is a difference between sugar coating and carefully choosing your words. Again, sugar coating is for food not conversations.

I don’t like it when keeping it real turns into arrogance and rudeness. Now in some situations you do have to dig into your rude bag when the person just don’t get the point after you repeatedly stated your case. But those are in extreme situations.

And on another note, stop requesting things from others when you aren’t practicing those same needs for yourself. Another example, the same person who said he doesn’t do the hood also is very adamant about just dating dime pieces, not just the physically the whole package. She must be fione, built, educated and independent, but most importantly she MUST be a trophy on his arm. Now this brotha is not a bad looking guy, but could stand to lose about 30 pounds in his stomach alone and maybe a little dental work as well. So my point is don’t request and expect what you can’t offer yourself, especially when you have the means to do so!!!

Hell, I am just saying…

C Double R.

Set Realistic Goals not B.S. Resolutions for the New Year!!!

Resolution is defined as a firm determination. Meaning you are determined to lose 40 pounds, you are determined to find a new job, you are determined to step up your game this year, etc. Note to self, if you have been making the same resolutions every year and not accomplishing them then the likelihood that you are truly determined is non-existing. Basically you are bullshitting yourself into believing the hype. What do you think, the Resolution Fairy will fly down and grant you your wishes? Wake the hell up people!!! If you want to make something happen then you have to make it happen!! Period!!

A resolution is more than just writing things down on a piece of paper then tucking it away in a safe place hoping that things will change on there own. Resolutions consist of not only writing down your goals, but having a plan for your goals; steps on how to achieve these goals are a must. I have been writing down my goals since 2005 and setting up a plan to achieve these goals, and I must say I have achieved every goal I have set out to do since 2006.

I think if you are truly passionate about what you want to achieve you will find a way to make it happen. You have to get out there and make it happen. If you don’t achieve your goal the first time you set out to do it doesn’t mean give up on your goal and stop trying to achieve it. If you believe it and can see it then damn it you can achieve it! Stay focused and make sure you have a solid plan to achieve your goals. They may not happen when you want them to happen, but I guarantee you if you stay focus it will happen.

You just have to believe and stay focused. And people please make reasonable and obtainable goals not some fairytale itsh! Like I want to meet and marry a millionaire, I want to win the Powerball, or I want a Bentley when you make 30k a year. I mean, seriously! STOP!! Be realistic and really think about what you want out of life and go out there and get it. Let’s make 2010 the most productive year of our lives, that’s what I am aiming for.

I’m just saying!!!!


C Double R

Double Standards!!!!!

Why is it that a man can sleep around with a bunch of women and be called “The Man”, but when a woman does it she is called a “Hoe”? Why is it when a man is in charge or the boss he is called the “HNIC” but when the woman is in charge she is called “The Bitch”? Why is it that when a man handles his business he is looked at as a good catch, but when a woman is doing her own thang and handling her business she’s looked at as “She thinks she’s the man that’s why she doesn’t have one!” Why? Why? Why?

Now far as the sleeping around thang, I kinda get that. But it’s amazing that men want to sleep with these kind of women, but don’t want to marry these kind of women. But when a woman marries this kind of man they think that they have done the impossible, tamed a beast? So women, take heed! I agree with Steve Harvey, “Act Like a Lady But Think Like a Man!!” But far as the boss lady and the independent woman, what’s up with that? We work just as hard, if not harder than a man to get our titles and our possessions so why can’t we get the same kind of respect?

Why is it that a man doesn’t want to commit to a relationship, but wants you to commit to him? I’m just saying. Why is it that a man doesn’t want to take care of a woman, but feel inferior when she can take care of herself? Why is it that a man wants a woman to take charge in the bedroom, but not in the boardroom? Wellll… Or here’s the killer, a man can have five kids by five different women, but look down on women who have more than one baby father? WTF???

I have my own opinions on this but I need the Fellas to talk to a sista?????????????????????

C Double R