The Art of Forgiveness!!!

I must admit this is a craft that I am still mastering. People kill me when they say you should forgive and forget and move on!! Seriously, is it really that easy?? I think you can forgive, but some things you will never forget, period!! You can try your best to not think about it, but you will never forget.

I must admit I have come a long way when it comes to the art of forgiveness, but I haven’t completed my travels just yet. I can forgive if the person is forthcoming with his or her wrongdoing. However, if I get a hunch and ask the person and they lie to me and I find out later that they lied about their transgressions this is when I have a major problem with forgiveness. Listen, if I am asking you to come clean then that means I am prepared to listen to the truth and I can handle the truth. I know alot of people say this and don’t mean it, but I can assure you if I am asking then I can handle it!

So this is where I have a problem with forgiveness, because if you’re only admitting to the truth because you got caught and not because you came clean on your own, I have a major problem with your sincerity. Are you now admitting your transgressions because you really feel guilty or because you got caught in a lie?

Outside of this, I think I am pretty good when it comes to forgiveness. I know that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes. But my motto is, “You can’t change, what you don’t acknowledge.” And when you are forced to acknowledge your mistakes then your sincerity becomes questionable??

I’m just saying…

Head of House- Should it be the Woman or the Man or Both?

I had a very interesting conversation the other day, so of course I had to write about it, so here it goes…

I was having a conversation with a friend in regards when Barack Obama was running for the presidency. I had made mention to the fact that when Barack was on Oprah over 4 years ago and he was thinking about running for the presidency Michelle stated that this had to be a family decision because it will change the dynamics of their family and she had a career to think about too. The other party whom I was speaking to immediately stated that’s bull and the final decision is Barack’s regardless if Michelle agrees or not, however, he then went on to say he would need her full support?? WTF!! Then the other party stated the final decision should be Barack’s, who is the man of the house, period! So I shot back, that’s why they are still married because they discuss important decisions as a family unit, not independently!

So, I ask the question when it comes to important decisions for the household who should make the decision, the man of the house, the woman of the house or should it be a joined decision?

I’m just saying..

C Double R

Internet Love - Fake or Real???

I know this is the age of technology and there are hundreds of match making sites, as well as social websites, Myspace, Facebook, Matchmaker.com, EHarmony.com, even Sugardaddie.com. I know that a fair share of new relationships, friendships and marriages were form because of these sites. I must admit not only have I met new friends, but I also have reconnected with old childhood friends and classmates. However, I still prefer to meet my “mate” the old fashion way, in person, not thru a modem.

I believe that internet dating is more accepted today than ten years ago. Ten years ago if someone met their mate online, it was perceived as a desperate move, as if they couldn’t meet anyone in person. Or others viewed people who participated in internet dating as losers or people who pretended to be someone that they weren’t so they could get a date because they couldn’t get one in person.
I believe internet dating could also be used as a meat market. Think about it, you have access to thousands of individuals, so my thought is if you’re hollering at me, who’s to say that you’re not hollering at hundred other women at the same time (especially with instant messaging)? I think it could also be perceived as a place for women and men to run game and basically try to get away with it. So my question is, “How can you tell if someone is sincere?” I have noticed on some social sites men try to crack on you and try their best to act as if they are only trying to holler at you, but then you go to your friend’s page and they have a million flirtatious comments under their picture? WTF???

Again, if this works for you, then by all means go for it. I actually have a friend who met her husband online and they are happily married and now have a beautiful child together. So it works for some, but not for all. Unfortunately, I don’t think I could ever take internet dating serious, because I just think there are too many guys out there trying to run game by hiding behind the computer. I take my chances via the supermarket, a social outing, park, or just in passing.

I just saying….

C Double R!!!

The Forbidden Fruit- Why Do We Always Want What We Know is Bad for Us?

Why do we go for that extra slice of cake knowing darn well we’ll be complaining about it later when we step on the scale? Or why do we gamble with our rent money, kid’s college fund or life savings? Why do we risk our marriage just for one night of good sex? Why do we have unprotected sex with people we barely know, knowing the risk that we are taking? Why do we always want what we know is not good for us? Is it for the thrill of it all? Or is it to see if we can really get away with it? Or is it as simple as living in the moment?

I have asked several of my friends this question and no one really had a valid answer. So I started to ponder the question even further. The best reason I came up with is that people simply live in the moment and do not think about the consequences of their actions. Think about it. Do you really think that someone would gamble away their kid’s college fund if they truly weighed the consequences? I don’t think so. Do you think a man or a woman would really risk their marriage, especially if they are happy, for a one night stand if they truly weighed the consequences? I don’t think so.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where we want what we want when we want it and we don’t see, hear or think about anything else during that moment. When you add in the huge amount of temptations out there, being strong can be a mutha!! Even Dr. Martin Luther King felled to temptation by cheating on his wife. Even Evangelists felled to temptation because of greed. Even Magic Johnson felled to temptation, having unprotected sex which caused him to be infected with the virus HIV. These men knew the risk and the probable outcome of their actions, but this didn’t stop them. How can one explain this?

I also believe timing and circumstances play a major role in wanting the forbidden fruit. You can take the most faithful man there is, but if you catch him at the wrong time (some may think at the right time) he too can get got, it only takes a minute to make the wrong decision and it can happen to the best of us. But my question is what about the repeat offenders, the ones that just don’t give a fuck and repeatedly taste the forbidden fruit. Shit they pick the forbidden fruit so much they can make fruit salad on the regular basis! Do they do it because they are constantly getting away with it, they haven’t been punished for their actions, or they just don’t give a shit?

I think we all have tasted the forbidden fruit in some capacity. So think back to a time when you did taste the forbidden fruit and ask yourself why did you do that and please share with us, because I want to know.

Fruit for thought!!

C Double R!!

Cougarville- Older Women Younger Men

Ok, there seems to be a fad going on, which is older women dating younger men and they are called “Cougars”. A Cougar is defined as a woman who is 40 plus years of age who date men at least 10 years her junior. There’s Vivica Fox, Demi Moore, Madonna, Angie Stone (who has been doing this for years) and now Toni Braxton, just to name a few. So the question is, “Is this really just a fad or a new way of life for women?”


I typically have and always preferred to date older men. My ex husband was almost 10 years my senior. I also felt a sense of security when I dated an older man. However, I did experiment once with a younger guy. I can’t call myself a Cougar because I am not 40 yet ( 2 months and counting) but this guy was 6 years my junior, he was 31 and I was 37 and I found him to be very immature mentally. It could have been his field of work, he was a professional athlete, and he referred to women as “chicks” and we won’t discuss is vernacular, he put the “E” in Ebonics. I guess that just wasn’t my cup of tea or maybe he just wasn’t my cup of tea?

I am not saying I would not be opposed to dating a younger man, but he would definitely have to have his stuff together. Let’s face it, there are a lot of younger guys out there that are on the ball. But the question is how do men feel about getting serious with an older woman? Seems like it is working out fine with Demi and Ashton, they have been together for years now, but let’s face it, they are not your typical “Cougar” relationship.

Men are physical creatures, so if a man does date or get serious with an older woman, it’s going to be a lot of pressure on the woman to stay fit and keep herself looking the same way she did when they first met. Let’s face it, there is a lot of competition out there and dating a younger man only add more pressure on the woman, just keeping it real!

I have a friend who married a woman 8 years his senior and initially the relationship was great. She was a very attractive woman and he was a very attractive man, but he was always more outgoing than she was and as time went on this became a major flaw in their relationship. When the wife became more settled in her ways as she got older and her body started changing, this became a major problem for him because we’re talking about a man who is a very physical creature when it comes to women. They ultimately divorced after 10 years of marriage.

So my question is, “If you truly love someone, should it matter how old they are (as long as they are of legal age)?” Let’s face it, true love is a hard thing to come by and I wouldn’t want to pass up love just because someone is 10 years my junior. There are a million other reasons to pass up love and this isn’t one of them. We are living in a new day and era. Women are definitely taking control of their lives and doing the damn thang, it’s no longer an All Boys Club! So I say let’s go Cougars!!! I ain’t mad at cha!!!!

I’m just saying….



C Double R

Simple Question- Why Do Men Cheat?

I have my own reasons and opinions, but I like to hear from both men and women then I will give my opinion on the subject? PLEASE DON'T HOLD BACK, give it to me unadulterated, and pure?

When Does Feminism Becomes Anti-Men?

For those of you that personally know me, you know that I am a strong advocate when it comes to equal rights and equal pay for women. Women still only makes 78 cent to every dollar that a man makes! Will there ever really be equality when it comes to the sexes? I don’t mean to get on a soapbox, but some things should just be equal especially when it comes to the cash! However, I still believe that some things still should be designated for men and the same for women.

I refer to myself as an independent woman. One, because I have no choice, when you’re single you are pretty much or at least should be self sufficient, which equals independent. I mow my own grass, take out my own trash, change my own light bulbs, make minor repairs around the house, get my oil change in the car, not because I want to, but because I have to because I am single. However, I do believe if a man and a woman are in a relationship I still believe that certain duties should be handled by the man and other should be handled by the woman. I believe that a man should take out the trash, mow the lawn, get the oil changed in the car and be the head of the house, even if he does make less money then you. Some women may not agree, but I believe that the man should be the head of the home, not because of his monetary status, but because of his gender status. It is in a man’s make up to protect and provide for his family, a man is nothing without his pride!

Unfortunately, some women can or won’t allow men to be men, especially if he makes less money than she does. Prime example was Tasha in the movie “Why Did I Get married?” She thought her man wasn’t man enough because he worked in her shop and couldn’t find a job that she thought he should have as her man. However, she forgot the reason why she had the shop in the first place, because he gave her the money to start the business when he was a professional ball player. But now that he works in her shop she thought he was less of a man. However, he did remind her the only reason why she has the shop is because of him, after he got tired of listening to her bullshit day in and day out.

So my question is when does feminism becomes anti-man? Ladies, it is ok to be independent and do your own thing and pay your own bills, but if you’re in a relationship, please let the man be a man! And for God sake’s make him feel like a man. Allow him to open your door, take the trash out, cut the grass, don’t always make every little thing a battle of the sexes, because at some point that shit gets old and you may find yourself alone and ass out!

Sometimes emotional support outweighs financial support, especially if you’re independent enough to support yourself!! It’s ok to let a man be a man because sometimes that’s all that he has ...

I’m just saying…


C Double R

Why in the Hell Men and Women Don’t Understand Each Other?? – Communication

There is actually a logical reason why men and women do not understand each other when it comes to communication. According to Deborah Tannen, sociolinguist, and author of “Can We Talk” provides a clearer understanding why this is so. Per Tannen:

"For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with."

She goes on to say:

"Women want men to do what we want. We want them to want to do what we want, because that's what we do. If a woman perceives that something she's doing is really hurting a man, she wants to stop doing it. If she perceives that he really wants her to do something, she wants to do it. She thinks that that's love and he should feel the same way about her. But men have a gut-level resistance to doing what they're told, to doing what someone expects them to do. It's the opposite response of what women have." She reminds readers that, of course, there are men who are very helpful toward their women. "But if a man is going to be touchy, it's more likely to go in that direction. Whereas if a woman is insecure, she's more likely to go in the other direction, [and] be super- accommodating."

I have to agree. Women are emotional creatures and we like to express ourselves through words, whereas men are the opposite. Men like to keep talk to a minimum, they usually only like to discuss what is absolutely necessary and nothing more. So the next time your woman is trying to have a conversation with you, amuse her and join in and don’t act bored. Trust me, there are plenty of things we don’t like to do but as Tannen stated if we think it is something that you what us to do then we do it, not for us, but for you!

But a little advice to the women, don’t try to talk to your man during the game. This is the absolute worst time to try to talk to your man. Shit most men could care less about sex during these few hours the game is on. The best time is during pillow talk, right after you just finished serving him, because this is the time when most men are open to converse, especially if you laid it on his ass WELL!!!
I hope this shed a little light on that age old problem between men and women.

But I will ask you do you agree or disagree?

Food for thought!

C Double R

Question for the Ladies and the Men: Do you believe in “Soul Mates”?

The term soul mate means many different things. These are souls that you have experienced with in past, parallel or future lifetimes. They can also be aspects of your soul experiencing at this time in another body. We are all multidimensional beings, your soul having experiences, in many realities, at the same time. As we all evolve from the same source of consciousness creation, we could say that we are all soul mates in a manner of speaking.
Soul mate is sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and/or compatibility. Soul mates can have various types of relationships, which do not always include romantic love. They can be close friends, co-workers, a teacher, anyone who influences your life one way or another. They play the emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental, games of third dimension with you. They can affect relationships in a positive or negative way depending on the emotional issues of the people concerned.
Souls often come together to work out issues or play reverse roles than that which they are experiencing elsewhere.
Anyone who is in your biological family, or adopted family, or pseudo-family, is a soul mate to you.
You feel closer to certain souls, because you have attracted them into your life as they are on the same frequency as you or because you want to work out issues with them.

** I am not sure if I personally believe in “Soul Mates”. However, I do believe everyone is brought into our lives for a reason and some are brought into our lives for a “specific” reason, it is up to us to figure out the reason and learn and grow from it** Isn’t that right Double D:)
Food for thought!

C Double R!

You Can’t Force a Man to Change! Period!

Today’s topic is all about change! Ladies, have you ever met that man and all you can say is “ Damn, he would be a good man only if..”? If he wasn’t such a womanizer, more caring, more giving, not so uptight, etc. One thing I’ve learned is that people will change because of one or two reasons; when there are ready to change or when they are forced to change. Example, if a man gets tired of sleeping with different women every night and having meaningless sex then he will eventually change his habits. If a man loses something that he really, truly cares about but doesn’t realizes it until after the fact, then he is forced to change, that’s if he doesn’t want the same results. Because only a fool continues to do the same thing and expect a different result!

Sometimes we have to let people learn and grow on their own and from their own mistakes and stop trying to force people to change. The bottom line is; if they don’t change for themselves then it’s just a temporary fix to a lifetime problem. Now, if a man truly wants to change then he will change when he is ready to change, not because someone else wants him to change.

Unfortunately, most people, especially men, don’t change until something detrimental in their life happens that forces them to change. If you have a man who is constantly throwing shade to those who he thinks is not on his level because they don’t roll like he roll, with the fancy car, big house, flashy clothes and the women, when he loses his job or doe and can no longer afford those fancy cars, clothes and women, he will think twice before he throw shade again. This kind of thing can change a man’s perception on life. Or, if you have a man who takes his wife for granted until she finally leaves him, that will make him think twice about what’s important to him and what is a priority to him in life.

I had a good friend once tell me that it’s one thing to hurt yourself, but when you hurt someone that you truly love that shit hurts like a mutha. This made them re-evaluate themselves and it forced them to take a deep dark look into the mirror and literally start making changes with the person in the mirror. They did this because they never wanted to hurt another person like that ever again in life especially when it is because of their own greed.

Bottom line is, you can’t make or force a person to change. A person has to change on their own and at their own pace. So you should either accept or reject that person as is, if you don’t have the patience to wait for them to change on their own. One thing for sure, two things for certain, if he really cares about you he will change own his own to keep you or he will be forced to change after you leave his ass because you had enough of his shit!!

I’m just saying.

C Double R