Thursday, June 24, 2010
Just remember once you lose your control you give the other person the power. I have been told by numerous people that I am emotionless or have an “I don’t care attitude”, but the truth of the matter is I don’t wear my emotions on my sleeve. If you have defeated me, gotten the best of me, or hurt me, nine times out of ten you would never know. I have learned to take “It is what it” attitude. If it is something or someone I can’t change, why bother? The bottom line is, “I don’t stress and won’t digress so I can be about of someone else’s mess.”
The other benefit is sometimes the whole situation can become very amusing, and at the other’s expense. Because in most cases, the calmer you get, the madder they get, then they really look like a jackass! If you don’t believe me, try it yourself. If you run across a person who calls themselves putting you on blast or telling you off, just remain calm and respond and a nonchalant manner and check out their reaction, PRICELESS.
Just to my ladies, we as black woman, unfortunately have earned the stereotype as having the “Angry Black Woman’s Syndrome” and unfortunately, sometimes we live up to this stereotype and in most cases rightly so. But I will say this to my ladies, I know it can be very hard to restraint our tongues from saying some very harsh things, but if we could just use this reaction as a last resort or no resort at all I guarantee you that we would see a better outcome of the situation. However, I must say sometimes people leave you no choice but to bring out the “Angry Black Woman’s Syndrome” on that ass. But if you have to use it, ladies please use it wisely.
I’m just saying.
C Double R!
Posted by C Double R at 4:32 PM
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
It’s almost like a single woman finding out she is pregnant in her late forties, she has to evaluate and decide if she is willing to give up “herself” and her “lifestyle” to prepare for motherhood. Men feel the same way when it comes to settling down after being single for so many years.
Most single men love their “space” especially after they have had it for so long. This would be a life changing decision because he would have to go from a “me” man to a “we” man and most mature men are not willing to do that.
I have a friend who fits this description, good job, homeowner and nice looking in his mid forties and he has never been married and doesn’t have any children, and no he is not gay! So of course you know I had to ask the question, “Why are you single”? He basically said because he doesn’t want to give up his space. He said he loves coming home not answering to anyone, not dealing with someone when he doesn’t feel like it, and doesn’t feel like “changing” at this stage and age in his life.
Most mature men fear they will lose themselves or what they have grown accustomed to if they decide to engage in a serious relationship or marriage with a woman. I do have to agree to a certain degree because most women are needy and demand attention and unfortunately, this deter most mature single men from wanting to be in a relationship, they see it as too much work and too much to give up.
Have women become so needy that it has caused men, especially good men, to not even bother with us? Is it such a chore and “job” to be in a relationship today, especially with a black woman? Most men don’t understand that it’s in a woman’s make-up to be a nurturer and caregiver. We want to nurture our men the same way we nurture our children. We want to provide you with support because we believe in you, not because we want you to push us away.
So men this is just something to think about the very next time you decide you rather have your freedom as oppose to a good woman standing by your side supporting you and loving you. Because your "space" and "freedom" can’t take care of you when you are sick and support you when you deserve it the least or hug you when you need it the most.
I’m just saying.
C Double R!
Posted by C Double R at 5:32 PM
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I love the new Lyfe Jennings song. This is for my ladies please check out the words and adhere to them!!
Statistics Lyrics – Lyfe Jennings
Alright alright alright yall settle down settle down settle down.
If you don't know where you are this is STATISTICS 101
and I'm your teacher LYFE JENNINGS in the flesh baby.
Books out. Let's go!
25% of all men are unstable
25% of all men can't be faithful
30% of them don't mean what they say
and 10% of them remaining 20 is gay
That leaves you a 10% chance of ever finding your man
That means you *better* *pay* attention to these words that I *say*
I'm gonna teach you how expose the 90%
and show you what to do to keep the other 10.
Don't be a booty call
If he don't respect you girl he gone forget you girl
If he's in a relationship
If he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you
Tell him that you're celibate
And if he wants some of your goodies he *gone* have to work for it
Be the person you wanna find
Don't be a nickel out here lookin' for a dime
15% of all men got a complex
15% of all men don't practice safe sex
20% of them come from homes without a father
so there's a 50/50 chance that you'll marry a coward
Something to think about when you're taking a shower
Something to swallow when *you* drink ya bottled water
I'm gonna teach you how to expose the 90%
And show you what to do to keep the other 10
Be patient! He's waiting!
You don't gotta settle for that
Leave all that stress alone!
Get you a backbone!
Stop being *sorry for* yourself!
Have you no (checklist)?
It's gonna take (patience)
Time is still (wastin')
Click on the link to see the video:
Posted by C Double R at 7:58 PM
Posted by C Double R at 7:29 PM
Saturday, June 5, 2010
First let me put this disclaimer out there, this is solely my opinion based on my experiences and observations of men. My Masters Degree is in Organizational Leadership not Psychology, however, I do believe after reading this article most, if not all, of you will agree that I make some very valid points when it comes to the Three Stages of a Man in regards to relationships.
I believe there are three stages that a man could possibly go through when it comes to relationships. Those stages are Player Stage, Metamorphosis Stage and Ready to Settle Down Stage. However, let me premise this by saying that all men do not reach or complete all three stages. It’s very similar to Freud’s Psychosexual Stages of Development for a child. Everyone knows that there are five stages to Freud’s Psychosexual Stages of Development; oral, anal, phallic, latency and genital stages. However, some children never complete all five stages, same with my theory when it comes to the three stages that men can possibly go through when it comes to relationships.
The first stage is the Player Stage. This is the stage where basically the man is “just doing him”. He is dating numerous women simultaneously, lying, cheating, and doing whatever he can to keep the sex flowing. I believe most men have gone through this stage at one point or another in their life. This stage usually occurs when a young man initially starts dating and unfortunately this stage can last for an entire life time for some men. I know men in their forties who are still in the Player Stage when it comes to relationship.
This can also be a very dangerous stage because most men are reckless in this stage. Reckless in the sense where they are not properly protecting themselves sexually or reckless with their lies, which can result in numerous children, sexually transmitted diseases and/or a lot of hurt women. And we all know hell has no fury like a woman scorn, so men beware of the women you date in this stage because some of you might not make it to the next stage if you happen to “cross” the wrong woman.
The second stage is the Metamorphosis Stage. This is the stage that most men reach once they are tired of juggling different women and is ready to settle down or they have been hurt or have hurt the woman that they truly loved. This is the stage of reflection. This is the stage where the man is ready to get serious with his life when it comes to having a relationship with a woman. He goes through a cleansing stage. In this stage he may practice abstinence and focus on his inner self before he decides to engage in a serious relationship with a woman. I call it the Metamorphosis Stage because this is the “crossing over” stage. This is the stage where the man is trying to get to the other side, which is the Settling Down Stage.
Unfortunately, this could be a good and a bad thing for the woman who is in this man’s life at this stage. It’s a good thing because usually in this stage the man is very honest, sometimes brutally honest, to the women that he does meet while he is in this stage. Most women love and can respect an honest man. It’s bad because the woman will never really know if this man can and will ever crossover to the other side. It’s almost as if the man is in limbo and the woman is actually taking a gamble on this man, hoping and praying that he does reach the other side. Because at this point she doesn’t know just like the man doesn’t know if he will ever crossover to the Settling Down Stage.
The Final stage is the Settling Down Stage. This is the stage that every woman wishes she could meet her man in, but unfortunately, some men never peak to this stage. This is the stage where the man has gotten all of the playerism out of his system, had time to reflect and learn from his previous actions and now has positioned and prepared himself to be in a commitment relationship.
Unfortunately, just like some men never leave the Player Stage or the Metamorphosis Stage, some men never reach the Settling Down stage and this includes married men too! Oh yes, a man can be married but can still be in the Player Stage or in the Metamorphosis Stage, unbeknownst to his wife. In the ideal world we all want to meet “the right” guy in the Settling Down Stage but that’s just not reality.
I believe, we as women, know what stage a man is in when we meet him we just don’t want to acknowledge it. So I will leave you with this you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. If it doesn't sound or feel right, nine times out of ten it isn’t.
I’m just saying!
C Double R!
Posted by C Double R at 7:41 PM
Friday, June 4, 2010
I haven’t made that mistake again in more than three years. I introduced my son to him at the same time I was also getting to know this person - big mistake. This is one of the worst things a single mother can do because it is irresponsible to have your child get attached to a person that may or may not be in his or her life for a short period of time. Some men try to get close to the child in order to get closer to the mother.
Their logic is if they can get in good with the child then it’s a sure thing with the mom, not! Unfortunately, there isn’t a magical length of time to determine when you should introduce your child to your new love, but there is something called “good judgment.” If you have been dating someone for two or three months and he hasn’t asked any questions about your child(ren) or if he has children and he never talks about them, then that’s a pretty significant sign that he doesn’t view children as a priority or being important when it comes to building a relationship with a single mother.
However, if your new love constantly include your child(ren) in your conversations or ask to meet your child(ren) and you know he is sincere then that’s a good sign. This is a sign that he views children as being an important part to a successful relationship when it comes to dating a single mother.
So when do you think it is appropriate for a single mother to introduce her child to the new man in her life? Here is what a few of you had to say:
Ayinda from Collingdale, PA: “Three months, if she is certain that the relationship is serious.”
Terrell from Macon, GA “I once dated a young lady who introduced me to her son about a month after I met her. I didn’t think much about it. Well, her little boy instantly attached, and when things didn’t work out with me and his mother we both felt awkward because her son would make her call me even when we weren’t suppose to be talking. I think both of us felt a sense if guilt. So, I think you should make sure that the person will be around for a while before you introduce them to your children. Communication is the key I guess!”
Double D from Phila., PA: “First, let’s make the distinction between introducing your child and having someone being involved with your child. You can merely introduce your child to a first date. Involvement with a child is more significant the child is getting to know and or like the person and forming a bond and a connection with this person. And in my opinion, the only time a woman should do that with her child is when she believes or have some information, such as an engagement, that would lead her to believe the relationship is for life or at least for a very long term. Otherwise your child will be going through every break up that you go through.”
Sam from Phila., PA, “I don't think you can place a hard and fast number of dates that needs to be adhered, i.e. after the 3rd, 4th, etc, date. I think it needs to be based on the woman's feelings and conclusions she is drawing on the new boyfriend from the time they've spent together. Have they spoken about kids? What are his thoughts about children? Does he already have kids? What kind of disposition does he have? These are just a few of the questions a women needs to be considering. It's really all based on how she feels about him and the kind of person he is.”
J.R. from Los Angeles, CA: "My experience is with my ex wife who had 2 kids when I married her. I met her kids after a month of dating. I think a person can meet the kids once you''ve established relationship parameters with your significant other and the person should be introduced to the kids as a friend"
Dione, a single father from Lawrenceville, GA, said: “I guess the answer to your question is this: I do not see a reason for any woman to meet my children, unless we are looking at embarking on a long term relationship and possibly marriage. As a responsible adult, your actions are viewed and noted by those who emulate you, your children. Your actions act as their moral compass for when you are not there to answer questions. They will rely on what they have been exposed to in their past. I hold myself accountable for the type of people my children develop into."
As parents, we can guide and direct up to a point. if we have done our part, our children stand a better chance of stable moral and ethical base from which to make sound decisions.” I highly recommend holding off introducing your child(ren) to the new man in your life until you are sure that this man will be in your life for a long time and is marriage material. If not, you will only set your child(ren) up for disappointment. If you know this is not a person you want to be in a relationship with or have a future with then leave the children out of it.
Basically keep it simple, don’t complicate things by getting the child(ren) involved. Children are very impressionable and very trusting so if you’re not sure the person you are dating is the “one” then don’t introduce your child(ren) to him until you know he is the “one”. And if he is not the “one”, then you saved your child(ren) disappointment and you can put your mind at ease knowing you didn’t make an error in judgment by introducing your child(ren) to this person who is no longer in your life.
Food for thought. I'm just saying!!
Posted by C Double R at 2:45 PM
If you missed this hot show please click the link and listen to C Double R! keeping it real on The Dedan Tolbert Show!
Posted by C Double R at 1:59 PM